Sex with a Side of Dance

While browsing through a couple of my favorite sites, I ran across an article called "Sexual Politics of Dancing: The Secrets of Looking Good on the Dance Floor". This title was accompanied by a rather geeky looking white guy. What could I do but click on the article?

An illiterate British dancer decided to go back to school in his early twenties, where he studied English and Psychology. Missing dance, quite a bit, he decided to combine the two and *poof* he becomes a expert in the psychology of dance. Peter Lovatt, aka Dr. Dance, a professor at the University of Hertfordshire, has become an expert in what people find attractive in dance. Uh huh... Well, I suppose if you can prove that men are attracted to a certain hip to waist ratio in women, then I suppose you can show that people are attracted to a certain kind of dance.

If you're looking to score some points on the dance floor, here's what I learned in a nutshell, so you don't have to read the whole article.

1. If your ring finger is longer than your index finger, the difference between the two is related to how much testosterone you were exposed to in the womb. Longer ring finger = high testy.

2. Women unconsciously found the men with higher prenatal testosterone levels more attractive than those with lower levels. Complex coordinated big moves = hot. Uncoordinated big moves or small moves = not.

3. Men unconsciously found women with lower levels of prenatal testosterone levels more attractive than those with higher levels. Small movements (esp. w/hips) = hot. Uncoordinated big moves = not.

4. In Men, confidence on the dance floor is key. Men are more confident when they're younger, not so much in the middle age, then are again confident after 60. Men's confidence is tied to women's confidence in middle age. (presumably because women are unhappy and yell at men.)

5. In women: they enjoy dancing innocently until about 15 when they realize it can be tied to sex, then they lack confidence til about 20. They go down again after 35 as they approach menopause and all that crap, but go up again after all of that nonsense is done.

6. Women don't like it small and simple.

7. Relax. Let go and your body should move. (I learned this after copious amounts of alcohol.)

Apparently, you just have to get out there and shake it. Just make sure that your movements are big and complicated if you're a guy, and if you're a girl smaller, sultry hip swaying works wonders. Just make sure you're doing it in time to the beat people. There. You now know how to score on floor. Get out there!

Pass the Bottle, Mom

Something has bothered me for a long time, and I constantly question it. People say that alcoholism is inherited. I call BS. I know several people who were born from alcoholic parents who are not alcoholics. Conversely, I know several people who appear to have a problem with alcohol whose parents have never exhibited any sort of dependency on alcohol.

My mother is the child of not one, but two alcoholics, and while I sometimes question her intake, I wouldn't say I'd label her as an alcoholic. For myself, I didn't drink until I was of legal age. I was always instilled with the fear that I might end up an alcoholic, and I didn't want to die early like both of my grandparents did. Watching my grandfather die has to be one of the strongest and most painful memories of my youth. As an adult, I can drink or not drink. I'm fine with it. I can go months without having a drink. I don't feel I'm dependent upon alcohol, but I don't purposely avoid it either.

The truth is, no one really knows what causes alcoholism. It's an addiction, to be sure, but genetically inherited? Doctors says that "certain genes" may increase the risk of alcoholism, but they don't know what genes are responsible or how those genes might work. Doctors also say that people who have parents who are alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves. I don't think this is a result of genes, but rather a result of environment. Kids mimic behavior they observe every day. That tendency to mimic could present itself later on in life when the children have to deal with real problems of their own. If they see their parents resorting to alcohol to ease their burdens, then it makes sense that their children would mimic that behavior. That combined with the often euphoric feeling that alcohol causes, could cause that person to seek refuge in alcohol, much like drug addicts seek refuge in the alternate reality drugs provide.

I'm tired of people using their parents as an excuse for their drinking. You can blame your parents for a lot of things like heart disease and high blood pressure, maybe even schizophrenia, but alcoholism? Take some responsibility for your own actions and either live with the consequences of your drunken choices or seek help.

Pathetic or Genius?

Every fast food restaurant out there is trying to alter their menu in order to convince people that there are "healthy" fast food options. And so I swear I almost blew my water out my nose when I saw the latest gimicky commercial for a fast food restaurant. Taco Bell now has their own version of Subway's Jarred. Meet Christine. She claims to have lost 54 pounds by lowering her daily caloric intake with the help of "fresco" Taco Bell menu items. She immediately claims that her results aren't typical, but you too could be like her. Awesome. Finally, the excuse all of us Taco Bell junkies have been looking for. "what? Taco Bell is part of my low calorie diet!" Except that if you read the fine print in the commercial, there's the tag that basically says, "Taco Bell's food is not a low calorie food."

First, let's take a look at what they're talking about. Their "Drive-Thru Diet" consists of several core menu items to include beef and chicken tacos, bean burritos, and gorditas. They're not talking about the five layer burritos and piled-high nachos. They also aren't talking about the regular versions of these core items. You have to order these items "fresco". What does that mean? It means that instead of cheese, they give you salsa. You save approximately 40 - 50 calories that way. Not a horribly big difference, but when yogurt companies are pimping their yogurt saying that it will save you 10 calories, I guess every calorie counts.

Second, how much food are we talking about? You obviously can't go in there and order a ten pack of tacos. What can you order? Well, one beef taco "fresco" style is approximately 150 calories. A chicken soft taco is approximately 175 calories. A bean burrito? 325 calories. Considering that many other fast food options start at about 400 calories, this isn't half bad. Until you look closer. What are you really eating? A couple tablespoons of "beef product," a half handful of lettuce, a sprinkle of tomatoes, some "fiesta salsa", and a fried corn shell. The burrito? Again "fiesta salsa", refried beans, and a flour soft shell. Not really what I would call "healthy" food. Tasty? You bet. Healthy? Probably not.

Third, what's the fat content? You get one little skinny beef taco and Taco Bell claims it's "Less than 9 grams of fat". That much fat packed into a small little taco is actually quite a bit. Take a look at Subway. If you forgo cheese, mayo, and oil, they can get you a sandwich (with meat) for about 6 grams of fat and all of the veggies your little heart desires. While the calorie count is going to be higher (think 400 - 600 calories per sandwich) you're actually getting a bunch of veggies, bread, and meat to help make you full and keep you full. If nothing else, at least you're getting your greens, if you play the game correctly.

Fourth, let's look at what Christine was actually doing. The spokesperson, Christine, made low-calorie choices that included getting a taco or two from Taco Bell. What they don't talk about much, is that Christine supposedly started out eating around 2,000 calories a day. That's actually a normal calorie count for a person between 20 and 50. She reduced her caloric intake to approximately 1,250 calories a day. Any reduction like that is going to help you lose weight. She didn't reduce her calories by just eating Taco Bell. Rather, instead of grabbing a burger and fries, she chose to grab a couple of tacos. Other than that, we know very little about the rest of her diet. She certainly didn't eat at Taco Bell for every meal. I would expect to see some rather large sized gallstones if that were the case. She obviously made a rather big mental and lifestyle shift to accomplish her goals that probably involved some sort of exercise in addition to a healthier diet. It was Christine's ability to reduce her food intake that helped her lose weight, not Taco Bell.

While I love Taco Bell, and count it as one of my many guilty pleasures, I am aware that it is, indeed, a guilty pleasure. Very few people are going to be able to walk into a Taco Bell, order one beef taco, and walk away feeling satisfied for the rest of the day. There isn't a whole lot of nutritional value in Taco Bell food, and I'm okay with that, because Taco Bell is what it is. The fact that they're now trying to make it seem like a healthy option and even have guides on the "Drive-Thru Diet Program" is just pathetic to me. Taco Bell, embrace what you are and don't try to be something you're not. It's just plain sad, and frankly misleading. For shame, Taco Bell. For shame!

Top 10 Things I Learned in VA

I recently visited Virginia, and while this was not the first time I'd spent some time there, it did remind me of all the things that are strange in Virginia (and the east coast in general) which make me realize I'll always be a West Coaster, even if some of the bizarre VA stuff is cool. So, in no particular order...WC4Life, Yo!

1. There are no easy directions in Virginia. I tried to print directions to my friend's place only to find that there are no easy directions in Virginia. It's not as easy as take this highway and turn left. Oh no... It's take this highway that turns into this highway that merges into yet another highway that has three names and intersects two interstates before it finally becomes something else, leaving you confused and angry.

2. Virginia has an insane amount of highways. What we, on the west coast, would call a side road, Virginia calls a highway. This relates to the confusion I detailed in #1. It's confusing and annoying that a simple street in the middle of the city is actually a highway and that Google maps makes sure that you know it's a highway, but also goes by several other names. Ridonkulous if you ask me.

3. Hunters are everywhere. Since I apparently was there during the opening day of hunting season, I got to see a lot of hunters wandering around in the strange combination of camouflage clothing and blaze orange hunting vests. I even got to see some "women" hunters....at least I think they were women. It was really difficult to tell. I often saw these hunters in restaurants in full hunting gear, complete with the leaf camo baseball cap. I can't remember the last time I saw anyone in any sort of hunting gear in California. It was strange.

4. Mullets are still an acceptable hairstyle. Just to be clear, mullets are NEVER an acceptable hairstyle, but apparently no one informed Virginia. Come on people! With all of the mocking that mullets have received why would you ever think it's okay? Especially on a female. Ugh.

5. Divided highways suck monkey balls. I'm not talking about the divided highways that are going in opposite directions. I'm talking about the divided highways that are going in the same direction, but that have "local exit" divided portions, so that you can curse and swear and throw things when you realize the exit that you want is actually on the other side of the barrier and there's no way in hell you're going to get there, so you end up in Maryland, pissed off that you can't find a simple exit that doesn't involve driving on yet another highway for several miles before finding an actual exit that will let you turn around.

6. Whole Foods can suck it! I generally hate Whole Foods, because it is pretentious and over-priced. This was further proved to me when I stepped into one of the largest and most awesome grocery stores I've ever seen! Wegman's is vastly superior in both quality and price, plus they have a ton of take-out options that far surpass what WF is able to offer. Wegman's cheese section alone was the size of the local Safeway near me. I am no thoroughly jealous and must find a way to get a Wegman's in my area, even if I have to bulldoze several schools and homeless shelters to do so.

7. Bars actually have happy hours. It's strange, but for some reason, the west coast doesn't have a lot of happy hour specials, and there aren't a lot of local pubs. Sure, there are bars, but not so much pubs. I like going clubbing, but I would definitely prefer to have a local, easy-going bar that has great drink specials, rather than just $1 off drinks for two hours.

8. I'm still preplexed about Chick-Fil-A. I just don't get it. It's a chicken fast food place. So what? I didn't think it was all that, but it seems like most people I meet who used to live in the area go absolutely nuts when they once again get access to a Chick-Fil-A. Not only does it have a horribly grammatically incorrect name, but the fact that it's so incorrect leave me suspect about the quality of their ingredients. Is it grade F chicken? I also don't understand the deal with Five Guys. To be fair, though, I haven't actually tried Five Guys. I just don't know any woman who reacts to it the way men do. Is it a guy thing?

9. There are wineries there? Yes. A lot of wineries. I thought this was extremely strange, but there are wineries all over the place, even in downtown Strattford. It's bizarre. Why do you never hear about Virginian wines? Could it be that they are horrible? I don't know. I need to explore this more.

10. If it ain't brick, don't fix it. It appears that nothing is built unless it has a brick front. Someone said it has something to do with the whole "colonial" appeal of the east coast. I like it, but it gets almost a little too much after a while. Plus it makes the directions of "turn left at the brick building at the corner" a confusing piece of information.

By the way, if anyone can explain the Virginian flag to me, and why the guy is holding a rather phallic flesh-colored sword, I'd appreciate it.

You Had Me and You Lost Me

I assure you that this is not one of the seven signs. While I, for the most part, vastly disagree with hippies, every now and then I think they find a cause that is actually worth arguing for. Don't drop dead of a heart attack. I'm not agreeing with hippies. Just bear with me. This will make sense in a minute.

The problem with Berkeley hippies in particular is that they are kind of like the protestor who cried wolf. When you protest everything from the war in Iraq to faulty washing instructions on hand towels, it tends to tire out the public. I can't remember a weekend where there wasn't some kind of protest going on in the bay area. Thus, I just get tired. I tune out everything they're arguing about, even if it might happen to be something I'd normally care about.

But sometimes I forget. Sometimes something makes it through. This last week students from all over California stood up to protest tuition hikes at state run schools. I understand that universities need to raise tuition as the cost of running a school increases due to reallocations in the state budget, economic uncertainties, and declining enrollment. What I don't understand, however, is the 32% hike in tuition costs in ONE year. That's completely absurd. So, I found myself actually happy to see students from Los Angeles to Berkeley gathering en masse to protest those hikes. Finally, a protest I can agree with...one that actually makes some sense and has a hope of influencing someone who can actually make some changes.

Then the stupid, idiotic hippies at UC Berkeley just had to go and ruin what was a perfectly acceptable protest by locking themselves in one of the university buildings. In an instant they went from having my sympathy to being complete and total douche bags. Why do they always have to push it just a lot too far? Fifty students forced police to breach the building and arrest them on Friday night, all the while, more liberal hippie douchebags ranted and raved outside about police brutality (because apparently handcuffing someone is too brutal) and the man trying to keep them down. Because OF COURSE the police are maintaining order for no other purpose than to the further the agenda of the evil university panels.

*sigh*

I hate hippies.

Damn it, hippies, why on earth do you have to make everything such a battle? As my boyfriend's friend said, "We can't all afford to live in your hippie wonderland." You turned something that I was willing to support you on into something that I just can't stand to listen to any more. Well done, douchebags. Well done.

Anonymous Public Humiliation is Fun

I have to thank my cousin for introducing me to a new website. It's stupid. It's immature. It's filled with duds and sheer genius. It's Texts From Last Night. Awesome. I'm probably the last person in the universe to find this site, but it's entertaining if nothing else. I think my favorite one on the main page right now is: "The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made." It fills the same empty space in me that horrible guilty pleasure reality shows do. Ah the shame. *embrace*

Buy It Quicklies!

Staying home sick means that I am subjected to many strange and annoying commercials. Normally, one is bombarded with commercials for lawyers, ITT technical school, crappy nursing programs, and variety of CALL NOW or you'll miss the best deal EVER EVER EVER advertised EVER!!! It was during one of these commercials that I realized I have been living my life all wrong! Like a chump I've been going to restaurants, balls games, and picnics without having the Freedom Tray!

For only $19.95, I could have had a plastic tray that holds all my stuff! I could have been carting around my food, beverages, and other items without a care rather than clumsily trying to balance drinks, hot dogs, and nachos. That's not the best part, though! The best part is that I can carry it ANYWHERE because the legs fold down flat! I could have been putting my freedom fries on my Freedom Tray without the worry of spilling them on the ground because I was carrying too much other stuff! Plus, I could have been patriotic, because not only does it promote freedom, but it has a wonderful red, white, and blue theme! Wow!

From now on, there will be no more cheap recyclable cardboard trays provided by the vendor! No! Those could collapse on me without warning, and then where would I be!? I'd have nachos and beer all over me! I will get the not-so-compact Freedom Tray, get a gigantic beach bag, and carry it with me everywhere! Fantastic! Come on, America! Join me! It's only $19.95, plus if you buy two, you get a third one for FREE! How's THAT for freedom! And I love their motto, "God Bless America!"

Look for "exciting new features coming soon"! Eeeeep!!!! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it!