Critical Mass Stupidity

If you have lived in a "progressive" city such as San Francisco, you are no doubt familiar with the unusual power of bicyclists in the city. For those of you who haven't experienced the insanity, imagine a group of bicyclists being able to legally bring car traffic to halt. What you would be witnessing is the aggressive and dangerous group of bicyclists who participate in "Critical Mass". These bicyclists take to the streets in a mob, completely taking over city streets, blocking vehicle traffic, and making a complete nuisance of themselves.

Just this year, the mob of bicyclists surrounded a minivan with a handicapped older couple in it. When the couple tried to continue on their way, the cyclists tried to impede them by getting in front of the van and pushing their bikes up against it. Naturally, one of their bikes became a casualty of the car. BRAVO old people!!! The cyclists on the other hand had the nerve to call these people out of their car and claim that they injured them. Who is at fault? I'd say the person(s) who was (were) threatening the older handicapped couple. Seems to me, if you're going to deliberately get in the way of a moving vehicle that is giving you plenty of time to get out of the way, you should MOVE! What are they trying to prove anyway? Do you honestly think that an old couple is going to be able to get around town on bicycles? Holy crap these people irritate me.

I understand, crazy bicyclists, that you want to save the planet and do your part. Fine. Have your stupid protest. Bike the streets...IN YOUR DESIGNATED BIKE LANES! You have enough of them around the city. But why endanger yourself and others to make a point that is already clearly heard. Biking is wonderful...if you happen to live and work in the same city. Biking from 30 or more miles away every day when there is no bike lane on the Bay Bridge? Yeah... Not plausible. Even BART says no to bikes during commuting hours. Should people be more conscious about their commuting arrangements? Yes. Absolutely. But you, Critical Mass psychotics, need to realize that people in this area can't reasonably commute to work on their bikes, not when the only housing they can afford is 50 miles outside the city. So calm the fuck down and get out of my way, because I'm sure as heck not going to let you endanger me, my passengers, or you, just so you can make a statement that is already heard loud and clear.

I would have more sympathy for your cause if you followed the rules the road. But no. You have decided that the roads are yours to do with as you please. In the past two weeks as a pedestrian I have almost been run down by a bike three times. I can't help but wonder why that is since I'm clearly using a sidewalk, then waiting for my walk sign at a crosswalk to appear. I'm not jaywalking. I'm not walking in the middle of the street. Oh, I know why...BECAUSE YOU DON'T FOLLOW SIMPLE RULES OF THE ROAD. You, bicyclists, ARE NOT above the law. You have to follow the same rules of the road as a car. That doesn't mean you get to blow through a stop sign like it doesn't pertain to you. That doesn't mean you get to round the corner on a red light without stopping, almost mowing me down in the crosswalk. You want your rights? Great. I want to survive a walk to my building. I'd also like to drive my car without it having to swerve to avoid hitting you. Follow the rules of the road and maybe we won't have a problem.

Here are some simple tips to start you out:

1. Ride on the road. By law, you are required to ride on the road, just like a car, just like a motorcycle. You do not have the right to ride on the sidewalk, narrowly dodging pedestrians.

2. Use safety lighting. Yes, if you're going to be out there, then you need to use lighting that is appropriate for all times of day. You need a light in the back. You need a headlight. If would be wonderful if you were also wearing reflective clothing. What are my chances of seeing you at night if you have none of these things? Use some goddamn common sense.

3. Obey things like stop signs and red lights. Yes, you obnoxious pieces of shit, these apply to you as well. You do not get to pull up to a red, then decide that it doesn't apply to you. You have to stop. I've seen many cars swerve to miss bicyclists who are running red lights. I don't care if there isn't anyone coming for a mile in either direction. Would you run the red in your car? Of course not. So don't run it on a bike.

4. If there is a bike lane for you, USE IT! You bitched and moaned about getting bike lanes. Well, now you have a ton of them. I expect that you will be in them when at all feasible. This keeps traffic flowing for everyone. Less stop and go traffic means less fuel wasted. Impeding traffic only serves to ruin your cause. If you are taking a left hand turn, then proceed to the left lane safely. Don't cut in front of cars to make it there.

5. Ride in the same direction as traffic. I'm sick to death of being nervous, because some asshole has decided that the rules of the road don't apply to him/her. Every day I see bicyclists riding on the wrong side of the road because it's more convenient for them. I don't care if it's more convenient for you, jerk. As much as I wouldn't mind running you over, I really would rather not have your death on my hands, nor do I relish a police inquiry and probably jail. Your actions are unsafe and make drivers nervous.

As hostile as I am, I understand that riding a bike is a good, healthy activity. I enjoy bike riding. But when I decide to go out there, I make sure that I'm making it a safe experience for me and others. I don't get in people's way, and I obey the rules of the road. I don't target pedestrians, and I don't get in front of cars. If you retarded bicyclists could just get it together and bike in a responsible way, you'd probably win over a lot more people than you would by harrassing handicapped old people and behaving like spoiled, self-entitled little snots.