Aelel's Confounditorium

Red Dirt Wasteland

2012-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

For the record, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. They are generally just another way to feel horrible about yourself, and since I'm already good at thinking I'm a sack of crap, I choose to forgo this particular tradition. I think we should make little resolutions all year long as needed. Sometimes, however, things I want to change happen to line up with the beginning of the year. Such is the case now.

I am stuck in one of the most god-awful states in the nation. When my job first assigned me here, I thought I would be okay. Sure, the midwest sucks, but there have to be redeeming qualities, right? Well, I've found a state that seems to have only only redeeming quality: the people are generally nice. And that's it. I've found it very difficult to find things to do here in Oklahoma. Yeah, that's right. I have to live in Oklahoma. Sucks to be me. What I've discovered is that anything I had an interest in before is nigh impossible to do here.

I like hiking. Yeah, good luck here where I don't think they know what a hill is. AND YES, OKIES... I KNOW that way in the southwestern part of the state there are some rolling hills. Well, I don't feel like spending half my day commuting to said spot. I guess I'm used to being able to drive a max of 45 minutes before finding a decent hill to climb. From what I've heard, what little trails they have here pretty much end after a mile with a sign that pretty much says, "Trail ends. Turn back. Trespassers will be shot." Funsies. And I don't consider trekking across someone's fallow field a hike.

I also love the ocean. Well, there goes that idea. The biggest lake within decent distance of me is little more than what I would consider a pond. So no luck there. I like cultural events and art festivals and galleries. Unless I'm into southwest art, I'm outta luck. In fact, I was excited when I saw there was an art district, but I was sadly disappointed to discover that there are no galleries in the art district. It's just named that because once a year they shut down a block and have an "art festival". Sigh. Oh, and for those of you who think, "why not just go to the Paseo?" Well, no. I don't like southwest art, and the two blocks of art studios isn't exactly what I would call a huge selection.

I like interesting food. Outta luck there as well. Kabobs are considered exotic here. A decent steak can pretty much be found at Outback. Even the $60 steak I had wasn't that much better than the $11 Outback Special. I'm not kidding. I love seafood, so I'm outta luck there as well. Nothing is fresh. I'm not joking when I tell you that Chili's was listed in the top 5 of best BBQ in a local paper, as chosen by the public. Chinese food? People here recommend the local buffet. Thank GOD for the one decent Vietnamese place I've found here. (interestingly enough, there is a relatively signficant Vietnamese population. Relatively significant being... well... relative, since the vast majority of the state is lily white.)

Shopping? I'm not a huge fan of shopping, but even if I were, I'd be hard pressed to find any quirky local shops. There's not a lot. Yeah, there a few here and there, but they're spread out and hard to find.

Sports? When it's not 112 degrees for four months, people apparently decide that it's not worth having non-high school or college sports. Once the OU/OSU football season starts, no one here pays attention to anything else. There's a pretty decent minor league baseball team, but I'm not a baseball fan. And seriously.... the Thunder can suck it. I'm a bitter Seattle Super Sonics fan. I hear the hockey team isn't much better than high school team.

So, I decided since there's nothing really to do here, maybe I can find a social group. I went on to meetup.com and found a raging total of 43 groups, compared to the 2000 or so I'm used to seeing. Of those, most require you to be A: extremely religious, B: extremely Republican, or C: extremely old. Most people here socialize at church, and since I'm not a church goer (which gets me a lot of disappointed looks here), I don't have that as an option either. I'm not an atheist or anything. I just don't like the commercial feel of most churches. Especially the mega-complexes you find here.

My point here, other than that this state has very little to offer anyone, is that I'm determined to try and find something to do in Oklahoma that may introduce me to someone with whom I don't work. I'd love to make a non-work friend. I'm aching for a good adult kickball team or social group or SOMETHING. Yeah, I could start a meetup group of my own, but I'm also extremely lazy, and I don't want to be responsible for organizing events. Since I haven't found much to do here, I'm afraid I wouldn't get a lot of takers for an event entitled: "organize your sock drawer". But I WILL find something to do, even if I end up face down in the red dirt cursing the scraggly buffalo that just ran over my back, fracturing my spine, because the only thing I could find to do was Buffalo Tipping.

Game on, Oklahoma. GAME. ON.

Have a Very Budgety Christmas!

2011-12-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. Stockings adorn the mantel, lighted garland frame the doors, and the Christmas tree is sporting a couple of new ornaments. It's quiet and peaceful and I'm looking forward to the chilly nights and crisp mornings of winter. I love Christmas. L-O-V-E it. Not really for the presents (although my family will probably tell you differently), but for the soft lights and quiet glow of the season.

The last few years have been financially tough on the U.S. We managed to dig a pretty big hole for ourselves and we're still trying to find the edges of that hole in order to try and climb out. Some of us have chosen to live within our means, work hard, save, and pay off our debts, while others have decided to go sit in a filthy encampment and whine about how life isn't fair. Whatever your reaction, it's time to rethink what you spend this year or what you're spending your money on.

Let's face it. We live in a capitalist society. Without us out there spending our hard earned dollars, the economy would collapse and we may as well learn how to goosestep, because we'll all of a sudden become the largest territory in someone else's country. The Grinch may be telling you that Christmas doesn't come from a store, but at the same time he's directing you to buy his tell-all book, the adorable stuffed plush Max doll, and the complete Whoville playset. I'm not saying that we should all sit around and make gingerbread men garland out of recycled grocery bags (although, crap... that's kind of good idea. patent pending.). What I'm suggesting is that we show some restraint this year.

Perhaps your significant other doesn't need the $400 mixer right now when a handmixer would do. Yeah, the $400 mixer would be nice, but you're on a budget, remember? You can get that mixer when you get the credit card paid off, or you're not constantly checking your bank account balance to make sure you're not going to overdraft. I'm not saying you have to get super cheap or something, but maybe you get one less gift this year than last. Or you make a gift. Handmade gifts are always appreciated and they tend to mean a little bit more than something you picked up off a shelf (even though you had to elbow that blue-haired lady in the throat to get the last one). Maybe you make cookies baskets for your office friends rather than that $10 Starbucks card you thought would be nice. (I priced it out. A nicely adorned bag of cookies is significantly less.) Is your 5-year-old seriously going to notice one less gift under the tree? My nephews hardly know what they actually got at the end of Christmas morning, so I can tell you from personal experience, they won't miss it.

I'm not advocating that you get all Scrooge McDuck on everyone, just that you think about how much you're spending compared to your financial situation, and what you're spending that money on. I'm not even saying that you have to have every penny you're going to spend just sitting in the bank. Go ahead and charge a few things. But if you can't pay off your gifts by Valentine's Day, then perhaps you should rethink how much you're spending.

Christmas is a truly wonderful time of year, and we all appreciate it for different reasons, even if you're not a firm believer in Christmas. The lights and decorations alone are enough reason to appreciate the season. Just appreciate it for what it can be, rather than how much you spend.

I'm 99% Sure You're an Idiot

2011-11-09T10:04:00.000-08:00

I've been holding back from saying anything about the Occupy Whatever phenomenon that's been sweeping the country, but I just can't hold back any longer. While there are a bevy of Occupy Whatevers to choose from, I'm going to focus primarily on the Occupy Oakland group. As a former resident of Oakland, I feel I have a pretty good understanding of the dynamics in the city and the make up of the people who usually participate in these protests.
In general, I'm not with the 99%ers. I worked hard to get through college. My parents paid for half of my tuition and housing, and I paid for everything else through loans and working part-time crappy jobs at the mall or Target. I lived in a house with four other people where the walls were never at 90 degrees and the wind blew through the thin windows in winter like the windows weren't even there. I ate ramen, rarely went anywhere, and made up my own entertainment for the most part. We'd pool our money to buy a large pizza. I had a small used car that barely ran. I'm still paying off loans I took out for my degrees. And I'm okay with that. I don't blame others for my choices and my debts. And I don't blame others for making the choice to take on a home loan I knew I wouldn't be able to afford after the Arm reached it's max. Thank God, I chose to get rid of my mortgage before the market crashed. So yeah, I rent, but I can at least afford my rent, because I choose to live in a place within my means.
I agree that maybe large corporations could give something back to the community. Maybe more than they are right now. But corporations don't exist to provide charity. They exist to make a profit. Somewhere along the way the 99%ers forgot that. The corporations don't owe us anything. You want change 99%ers? Okay. Get together and come up with a real plan. A lot of you supposedly have degrees, so you must have some smarts. Stop bitching about how unfair things are and expecting someone else to solve your problems. Stand up for yourselves and go to the public and the government with a real, actionable plan for how to change things. Otherwise, you're just a bunch of squawking loud mouths who are doing nothing other than aggravating 3/4 of the country.

I'm not part of this generation who thinks that they're entitled to everything, and can spend money at will without taking responsibility for it. When you're in college you don't get the really nice car and the tricked out phones and vacations and all of that stuff that takes money to get unless you come from a family with money already and they're willing to finance those things. I didn't come from a wealthy family, and I don't blame society for that. We can't all be rich. Sure, sometimes it sucks that I can't have the newest gadget, or eat out all the time, but I don't expect those things, and I'm not about to put myself in a lot of debt to do it.

Here's where Oakland comes in. I was reading about all of the shenanigans going on in that city right now. I will agree that the mayor is handling this situation poorly, but you can't blame the cops for enforcing the law, and you can't blame them for tear gassing your sorry asses when they give you ample warning to disperse, you don't, and then you throw things at them. You can't blame the Port of Oakland for trying to conduct business just because you feel you're entitled to part of the profits of the businesses who transport goods there.
What's most irritating of all is that movements like Occupy Oakland can't even agree on a group statement. In the various articles I've read, there have been statements that range from forgive student loans to tax the corporations to bring the corporations down to take down the city of Oakland and more. This last one is the most ridiculous to me. So, you want to overtake the city of Oakland? Okay.... what do you think that would accomplish? You take over city hall, lose all state funding, all federal funding, and make your own little island of hell? Do you think any of you have the collective ingenuity to take over a city and make it better? what would you do? Fire all the police and turn Oakland into a city of gangs? I don't understand that thinking. How on earth does camping in a public square and throwing urine and fireworks at the peace officers help a damn thing? Again... COME UP WITH A PLAN OR AT LEAST A COHESIVE STATEMENT!!!

Okay 99%ers, here's the deal. Right now I'm wholly against you unless you can come up with a solid statement and a plan of action. You come at the public with something like that, some sort of actionable plan that can actually be considered, and I'll think about supporting you. But until then, you're a bunch of whiny, self-important, spoiled, self-entitled idiots who can't do anything other than sit in a park and bitch about how life is unfair. The sooner you learn life is unfair, morons, the sooner you'll see your way through this. Socialism just doesn't work. Grow up.

Put Animals in Their Place

2011-10-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ever look at an animal, like an otter or something, and think it's just too cute for words or even to live? Ever feel like telling off said otter because it gets to sit around all day looking cute and letting people feed it like was part of the royal family or something without contributing a lick to society? Yeah, me too. Which is why I fell in love with the book F U Penguin.

I ran into this book a few years back, and while I keep waiting for someone to buy it for me as the perfect Christmas present (ahem....) so i don't actually own it...yet... it has remained one of the most memorable books I've ever skimmed through in a random location. It's quite simply a book where the author tells off various animals, and it's probably the funniest book I've read. When my friend and I first found it, we laughed so hard we cried. Reluctantly, we put the book down thinking that in a while the funny would wear off. Several blocks later, we stumbled into a book store to try to purchase the book. Nothing was quite as humorous as having to go to the information counter and ask the 50-something stuffy old librarian-looking woman at the desk to check and see if they had the book. "Yes, that's right. F U Penguin.... Like the letter F, the letter U, then Penguin. Yes, I'm serious." It was even better that they were sold out. It's now a couple of years later, I still think it's funny.

Every now and again, I forget that the author also runs a blog. I highly suggest that for a little bit of joy in your day, you visit the site. Look straight into the eye of a cute fluffy bunny and tell it that you're not going to put up with its obvious and pretentious cuteness while you try unsuccessfully to keep your hair from looking like you didn't just walk through a military-grade wind tunnel.

A Season of Mehs and Uhhs

2011-10-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am not a die hard football fan by any means, but there's something about the start of football season that makes me happy. Probably because I know summer is almost done, and Fall is right around the corner. I like watching the games, sometimes intently, sometimes as a background to cleaning or some project. We're several games into the season now, and I must say that I've been rather disappointed in the NFL. It could be that my region apparently has decided that it can't ever show a game featuring my home team (GO SEAHAWKS!!! even though you suck right now) or that my new state doesn't even have a professional team, thus making it continue to be on my top 5 list of states that suck.

Whatever the reason, I am not getting into the NFL this year, and frankly, it's depressing. (You know what else is depressing? Knowing that the best fried chicken in the state comes from KFC.... it just makes me weep. Food here also sucks.) I'm watching the Patriots/Cowboys game, and while the score is close, I am just not finding myself engrossed in the game either way, and I seriously hate both teams, so you'd think I'd be able to pick one (Patriots) and hope they lose. Between lackluster plays, and Vick's whining about his teaming being horrible (when the bastard shouldn't be playing in the NFL anyway, and should still be locked in a dark solitary hole for the next 30 years, imo), and the commentators redefining boring, the NFL is losing me this year.

I just haven't seen a team really stand out yet or even a player. I guess the 49ers are doing better than I expected, but I have to hate them, because they're in my league, and they're doing much better than the Hawks. (then again who isn't? Oh yeah... the Colts. ha f-ing ha, Colts.) What's it going to take to get me to like the NFL this season? Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe they can all stop acting like a bunch of over-indulged children and actually show some humility for once. Or maybe some of those guys can get a damn haircut (yes, I suddenly turned 90) so I don't have to stare at their dreds sticking out from their helmets. (Seriously, what's more disgusting than a dredlock, especially on a white guy? Gross.) Someone needs to stand up and start shining. Or someone who is shining needs to really start sucking. Either way, I'm good with that, and it would at least add some interest to an otherwise unimpressive season.

Am I the only one who feels uninspired by the NFL this year?

Season of the Zombie

2011-09-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

My favorite season is almost upon me. I LOVE October. I love the weather, the fall leaves, the crisp mornings, colors, and most of all Halloween! I love to decorate and look at magazines that feature crafts I aspire to make, but will instead just oggle, plan for, and then not make, but convince myself that I'll make next year, because I'm just too busy this year. Whatever. It's Fall and I love Fall.

If you know anything about me at all, you know that I have a bit of a zombie thing. I love zombie games, movies, events, etc. I still have grand plans to do the zombie 5k, although I will probably have to wait for the Seattle or Austin events next year. I'm dying for a new Left 4 Dead to come out, or the next super awesome game of scary intrigue. This is why I hate to say this, from the bottom of my heart. Zombies are becoming over-rated. I KNOW! I can't believe I just said that.

I don't know what happened in the last few years, but zombies went from being a fringe horror character to an over-marketed, mass-produced, unimaginative, over-touted disappointment. I'm still in for the zombie 5k, don't get me wrong. But I'm a disappointed that zombies have become so mainstream. Maybe it's my desire to do something a little out of the norm, but the zombie hype is starting to tick me off. It's ruining the fun of it, much in the same way that popularity ruins a singer who used to be on the edge, but is now waving her dessert covered breasts in your face and you hear on the radio in one form or another every five freaking minutes.

I'm thinking I might have to find a new outlet for my need to be scared or fascinated by spooky things. I'd think about going back to ghosts, but Hollywood has managed to ruin that for me as well. (much in the way that Travel Channel has ticked me off with their ghost hunter programs that consist of nothing but people saying, "shut up! shut up! Did you hear that? Did you... wait. Shut up! sssshhhh! I swear I heard a .... Shut up!" "Now let's listen to the audio play back: '(unintelligible sound)'. Oh.. that was clear as day! It was a female voice saying 'Get out!'"..... are they kidding? And that ball of light that's actually a floating piece of dust.... Sigh.)

I'm willing to take suggestions. I still think one of the scariest games I've ever played is "Fatal Frame", which is ghost-based, but done in one of the creepiest ways possible. So, I'm open to repeating fascinations if they are done well, is my point. They should bring that back. Seriously loved that game. Not that I'm going to say no to another Left 4 Dead or zombie-flavored lollipop, but it's time for something else to obsess over. Maybe I'll go back to my ultimate fear.... clowns. Freaking evil, horrible, give me nightmares clowns.... *shudder*.

You Take One More Step, and I'll.......

2011-08-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

I do a fair amount of flying. Recently, thanks to the hell that is the Midwest, I find myself boarding and deboarding quite a bit since I can't seem to find a direct flight to anywhere other than major hubs, and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend one more hell-inspired, exhausting, soul-sucking hour in O'Hare waiting for yet another delayed flight that they claim is not their fault. But that's a different rant. (Holy crap, do I hate O'Hare!)

In all this boarding and deboarding I've noticed a disturbing trend that's started to pick at that little nerve in my brain that sends the "I'm going to harm you in creative ways" impulse. It has been standard airplane protocol that when deplaning, someone in the front stands up, and then people zipper in behind them. Yes, you have to wait for that person struggling to get their luggage out of the overhead bin, but thems the breaks. You put up with it because there is a protocol. There is an unspoken code of behavior amongst airplane travelers. You zipper. Plain and simple.

The last few flights I've been on, however, there has been at least one person who, when that little "seat belt off" ding chimes, grabs their purse/briefcase/whatever, and literally storms the aisle in an attempt to get as close to the front as possible. This has resulted in my being blocked from my rightful place of standing in the aisle next to my seat. What's worse is that there seems to be absolutely no remorse from said individual. Even worse than that is that many of those same people who end up halfway up the aisle, continue to storm the aisle when it's your turn to zipper in.

Yes, there I was, ready to stand up and take my zipper place in the aisle, and this woman and her pimpled boyfriend literally pushed forward and practically sprinted up the remainder of the aisle, which caused a tidal wave of followers to spill in after. It was only through my pointed effort of getting into the aisle, and a nice man who decided to stop and let my row out, that my rowmates and I even managed to get out of our seats before the whole plane emptied.

I would like to say that was an isolated occurence, but, alas, it was not. I've always been so impressed that people on planes can get it together and follow the zipper procedure that should be followed on freeways. To date, people on planes have followed this probably because, unlike in a vehicle, you have a face, and no one wants to be glared at in baggage claim for 20 minutes or worse, verbally confronted for their bold rudeness. But apparently that no longer applies. Maybe it's because we're used to saying what we want in a digital age with few consequences, and that's beginning to bleed over into stranger-type situations where we know no one is going to see us again after that moment.

I don't know what it is, but I'm getting ticked off. I'm tired of the rampant indifference towards each other on a daily basis. I'm not saying you have get all touchy-feely with people, but just show some common kindness: Open a door for someone, let someone in your lane on the freeway instead of speeding up, give an old lady your seat on the Metro, and for crying out loud follow the zipper protocol on an airplane before I hamstring you!

Are You Ready to Go Viral?

2011-07-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why people are obsessed these days with vampires, werewolves, and, yes, zombies, but people are. Maybe it's because we feel like we've discovered almost everything there is to discover and there doesn't seem to be much magic left in the world. So we cling to romanticized ideas of magic and peril. (apparently, the space program doesn't apply to this idea, however. Shame on America.) Whatever the reason, it has nothing to do with this post, other than BRRRRAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSSSSS!!!

My friend clued me in to one of the most awesome ideas I've ever seen: A 5k Zombie Obstacle Course. Awww yeah!!!! Held in Baltimore, MD this year in late October, the course features a plethora of zombies, all trying to turn you into one of them as you race towards the safety of the containment camp at the end of the course. There are 12 obstacles distributed throughout the race, as well as hungry zombies that want nothing more than to devour you and convert you to one of their own. I know, I know... can this get more awesome? YES! IT CAN!

You are provided "health flags" much like you would see in flag football. Throughout the course are hidden health bonus flags that you can find in case a zombie grabs one of yours. If you make it to the containment fence at the end, scale it, and still have one health flag, you are considered a survivor. If not? You're part of the zombie horde. (oh so sad!) Regardless of the outcome, you are invited to attend the survivor after party where there is food, beer, live entertainment, and music. Everything you need to celebrate either your survival or console yourself for your recent conversion to the walking dead.

The only slightly not awesome thing about this is that you're not allowed to shove the zombies or really engage them physically in any way. You just have to avoid them. In turn, they are not allowed to tackle you or anything. Still, I'm sure there's nothing quite like one of those creepy fast zombies sprinting after you to make you want to run just a little bit faster than the person next to you. Gets that heart rate pumping!

Can't make the Baltimore location? That's okay. Apparently, the virus is spreading in 2012, so there will be more zombie 5k locations. Seriously, this is probably the best idea I've seen in a long time. Maybe it's just my recent fascination with events like this, but I applaud those who can turn a boring 5k into something that you actually want to do. Besides, this comes with a cool zombie or survivor token at the end, depending on how you ended up.

Eeep! I want one.

I don't know if I can make the Baltimore location, but I am keeping my eyes peeled for the other locations in 2012. Who wants to train with me? Join the training for the inevitable zombie apocalypse that you know is in our near future! Warning statement: I will totally trip you if it means the zombie will eat you and not me. :P Cuz that's how I roll.

A Staggering Return

2011-06-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, dear readers... After many months of being absent from the world of blogging on my quest to destroy the zombie population, I am poised to make my triumphant return. Check back here soon for mind-blowing opinions, little known facts, and just plain confunditry. That's right. I said confunditry. What are you going to do about it?

"Sensational" Transylvania? Really?

2010-10-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to get myself bent out of shape over content in a show, but this week's Glee leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable. In this last week's show, Mr. Shu decides to let the kids perform a stage production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a rather ill-conceived attempt to get closer to his love interest, who is dating the (supposedly) hunky dentist. So far, kind of ok, but the show rapidly declined for me.

First off, despite the actual age of the actors, the characters are supposed to be 16-year-old kids. The thought of seeing a 16-year-old boy in the Frankenfurter costume makes me want to die a little. To the show's credit, however, they ended up having a girl play that role but with minimal modifications to the outfit.

Second, after the Glee teacher had to re-write the script and lose some of the more scandalous dialogue and scenes, (replacing the word "Transexual" with "Sensational") they still planned to have a "kid" (two actually) on stage shirtless and in short shorts (boxers or whatever). Again, I'm not keen on the idea of watching "kids" of their age roaming around in almost nothing at all. You accept that there is going to be a fair amount of teen love interest in a show like Glee, but putting them in a highly sexual stage show is just .... creepily wrong.

The third, and most disturbing part of the show for me, was when Mr. Shu decided that the roll of Rocky was "too adult" (really, he just wanted to get close to the counselor again) and opted to take over the roll himself. He wanted to practice the number "Touch Me" with the counselor, which was weird seeing as how Rocky's only lines in that song consist of "creature of the night". So, it's basically the counselor running around oversexed and ripping open the teacher's shirt, writhing in mock sexual ecstasy on the table, and various people leaning over her. What's disturbing to me about this is that the teacher was "rehearsing" for a scene that would have been performed with one of his students. I don't know about you, but I believe that pedophilia is never sexy. Ever.

So, it appears that I have the same objections to the show that the "bad" character Sue Sylvester had. It's too adult for high school kids to perform, and frankly, the idea of teachers performing in gold short shorts in front of and with students makes my stomach turn. I think Glee took a wrong turn here, and I hope they get it back on track. I understand wanting to do a Halloween-type episode, but they should have paid attention to the lines they wrote for the gym teacher.

In the end, Mr. Shu realizes that the show is probably too adult and cancels all public performances (although, like a strange voyeur, he still watches the kids perform it). But this opens up another problem for me. I am not a fan of what they're doing with the Glee Club teacher. He's become this sniveling, whiny, pathetic, highly flawed character who isn't learning anything. Every episode recently, he does something stupid that's ill-advised, realizes it at the end and makes a point of telling the audience he realizes it, then in the next episode he does something equally stupid. I'm tired of him chasing after the counselor in what can only be described as stalker-esque behavior at this point. He could at least actually learn from his mistakes, rather than saying he did, then turning around and being the same idiot all over again. Highly flawed characters are a pet peeve of mine. Glee needs to turn it around, or they're going to lose me, which is sad, because I'd like to see musicals make a come-back.

Oh, and I'm tired of Rachel squeezing her eyes shut tight every time she tries to show "emotion", like it's the only way to show that you feel something strong. And the fact that they keep giving Mercedes stereotypical "diva" songs (along with the annoying attitude) to belt out in the same way every week.

Come on Glee. Turn it around. I was actually really enjoying the show up until this second season.

Curmudgeon Isn't a Spice, Folks

2010-09-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding like a total curmudgeon, I'm going to go ahead and say... I don't need your new fangled tech-nol-o-gy. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of tech devices that I use and appreciate on a daily basis. I like my cellphone, and my TV, and my Internets, and I appreciate the new bank machines that let me insert a check without all the annoying deposit slips. But I think that we're all a little too plugged in, and I think that's eventually going to have a severe impact on our way of life, and not necessarily in a good way.

I think it's amazing that my friend's daughter can already navigate a computer better than my mother. But knowing how to navigate a computer and being able to crunch complex math equations are two different things. Technology makes our youth appear smarter than we were at the same age, but really, they're just manipulating their environment in the same way that we did. The toys are just a little different. No one thinks it's amazing that 30 years ago kids could turn a TV on by themselves and find the channel with Saturday morning cartoons. And 30 years from now people are probably not going to think it's amazing that kids could turn on a computer and open a browser.

There's a price for the technology that we possess and manipulate. Things come a lot easier to people now, and so they have to struggle a little less. Figure things out a little less. Learn a little less. Part of how we got to this technological age is that people were curious about the world, how it worked, and how we could solve simple labor issues. There was a creativity and curiosity combined with a more affluent way of life that enabled this gigantic leap forward in the last century. With continents conquered, oceans explored, land computer-modeled and mapped, the world simply doesn't hold the same mystery that it once did. You're not going to find a lost city and then have it fade into mystery again. It's going to be mapped by satellites and forever captured.

Most kids don't spend their time thinking about the next invention they're going to create or the next adventure they're going to go on. They think about how they're going to be the next rock star, basketball/football star, trophy wife, artist, or movie star. Which is why you see our president pleading with kids to love science and math. We're heading down a dangerous path where we could actually end up seeing our leaps in scientific advances actually reverse and retard.

Maybe that's not a bad thing, though. Maybe we need to go back to a simpler time where we were more connected with our neighbors than we were our stuff. More time making mudpies, taking Sunday drives, trying to find that four leaf clover in a 6-foot patch of mundane clovers, or even running through a field all Little House on the Prairie-style. More time cloud-watching and wondering how the universe works, which will eventually lead us back to an age of exploration that will lead us to new worlds. (they'd have to stop cutting NASA's budget for that to happen, though.)

Of course all of that is out the window if someone ever figures how we can reasonably live under the sea in a huge domed underwater city like my grandfather's 1940's book predicted we'd be doing in 2000. So awesome.

(as a bonus thought, it is coincidence that women rights and technological advances have had similar explosions of advancement in the last century? Feeling the pressure, gentlemen? Discuss.)

It's Called Dedication

2010-09-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Okay all you NFL diehards and haters. I've heard enough about how the Seahawks suck and will continue to suck. True, we've never won a Super Bowl, but we did get robbed of one thanks to some horrible reffing that even the commentators were complaining about. And yes, true, we did have a horrible season last year that was downright embarrassing. But you will be hard-pressed to find a more devoted and dedicated set of fans anywhere else in the US. It's easy to love a team that brings home championship titles. It's a completely different thing to love your team even when they come home broken and bruised.

And so, I must say SUCK IT PEOPLE!!!!! That's right! The Hawks were supposed to lose miserably last Sunday, since we have a lot of new elements, including a new head coach who's been coaching the college scene for the last decade. But we came out, played some impressive ball, and ended up crushing the 49ers 31-6. (yeah, I know. It's the 49ers. Shut up.)

What's most important is that while Hawks fans love a good win, we're there cheering louder than any other fan-base in the NFL regardless of the final score. In fact, Hawks fans have cheered so loud the decibel level has been directly attributed to false starts and other errors for the opposing team. So go ahead and cheer for your team because they win. Cheer them because they bring home titles. Cheer them because they have superstar players and trashy cheerleaders. And when they fail, turn your back on them. Seahawks fans will be out there in the rain cheering so loud that area doctors will be treating thousands for vocal cord damage regardless of the final score.

GO HAWKS!!!! <3

Flash Game Goes Horribly Wrong

2010-09-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

I consider myself to be a fair-minded person who can definitely take an off-color joke without screaming "racist" at the top of my lungs. So, maybe you'll understand how bad something would have to be for me to scream "raaaaaacist" and let my jaw drop in abject disbelief. It's one thing to express your opinions or un-PC humor to a small group of people you know. It's a completely different thing for a politician to openly publicize something so offensive that it makes me blush.

So, here's the big deal: Austrian police are investigating a video game released by the right-wing Austrian Freedom Party that invites players to stop the construction of minarets and mosques. The construction of minarets has been a hot topic in Switzerland, other European countries, and even in cities in the United States (to include cities in the ueber-liberal San Francsico Bay Area). I can understand their concerns, especially if the towering minarets are blocking iconic scenery or are defying building restrictions, but to express those concerns in such a flagrantly controversial manner is irresponsible at best.

In the game called "Bye, Bye Mosque", players must prevent Muslims (seen as little mustached-men wearing a fez) from erecting mosques and minarets by placing "stop" signs over them. If a player fails to stop the construction, then a muezzin issues calls to prayer, all set against an Alpine backdrop.

The Austrian government, as well as several religious leaders (to include leaders in the Catholic church) and the German Chancellor, condemned the game, saying that it will do nothing other than incite an already tense landscape. There have been claims, recently, that Germany is becoming increasingly xenophobic as more Muslims immigrate to Germany. And Germany's not the only European country starting to show signs of discomfort with its immigrant minorities: France, Denmark, Spain, and others are beginning to feel the tension between their own established cultures and foreign cultures.

As the world shrinks, it's inevitable that people will feel like they're losing their sense of identity. The idea of the melting pot isn't to make everyone comfortable with everyone else's differences. It's to blend everyone together so there are no real differences anymore. Cultures have fierce identities, and most fear and dread the idea of a homogenous world culture, even as we crawl in that direction. That fear is manifested in ways both large and small: books, cartoons, bullies in the schoolyard, entertainment media, games, military skirmishes, war, and genocide.

Our challenge, in every nation, is to find a way to maintain a sense of national identity and culture without infringing on the often opposing cultures of others who live in our borders while simultaneously making them feel as if they also belong to the nation. Seems impossible, doesn't it? Probably the closest thing we've come to in that vein is the World Cup (unless you're an American, and then you ask, "What's the World Cup? *sigh*). Mankind is still a work in progress, so maybe, in the future, we'll figure out how to make all of this work, but until then, it's our responsibility to keep trying.

You Don't Have to Be Such a Jerk

2010-08-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

Crusty old curmudgeons who aren't my father or uncle tick me off. The most recent offender is Bill O'Reilly. Recently, O'Reilly decided to have a Jennifer Aniston hate-fest. Normally, I don't care if celebrities take abuse, because that's deal you make with the devil for fame. My beef isn't really with his extremely rude comments about Jennifer Aniston, but rather on the problem he has with Jennifer Aniston. What's worse is that it's not even about her. It's about the choices her fictional characters make.

So what did O'Reilly complain about? The choice Aniston's character makes in her most recent movie, The Switch. In the movie, Aniston is a single women who decides to pursue artificial insemination. O'Reilly believes that it's deplorable for a woman to pursue such a path. He believes that a man is necessary to create a happy family, and that Aniston is setting a horrible example for 12- and 13-year old girls by insinuating that it's fine to raise a child as a single mother.

First of all, what young teen is going to watch The Switch. Second, he's completely missing the point. The movie doesn't focus on a teenager who gets in trouble. It's about a 40-something (30-something?) woman who hasn't found the right man to have a child with, yet wants a child before she becomes too old. It's a completely different argument.

I believe that a nuclear family is best, whether that consists of two dads, two moms, or a mom and a dad. As long as there are role models of both sexes somewhere in that child's life, I don't see what the problem is. I would hope that someone who chooses to have a child is married and is able to fully support the financial burdens of a child (because I certainly don't want to fund your welfare checks without need). I think a father-figure is an important role, and, hopefully, that man is the father and provides a strong positive influence.

That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman wanting to have a baby, but not having a proper man in her life to father that child. Men will never quite understand the longing to have a child while hearing the deafening tick of an internal clock in one's ear. There's a definite time factor for women, and the older you get, the more health risks there are for the woman and the baby.

Third, I think O'Reilly is completely ignoring the fact that having the father be a part of a child's life is not always the best thing. For the vast majority of families, having a father in the picture is best, but for some, it's the worst influence the child can have. For those abusive (mentally, physically, whatever) situations, it's best to not have the father around.

Fourth (tied to third): O'Reilly previously had problems with Aniston's character on Friends, Rachel, who chose to have a baby without marrying the father. I agree that I prefer to see couples marry before having a child, but that doesn't always mean it's the best decision. I've seen horrible marriages that tear a family apart and permanently damage a child's growth and views on life. Sometimes, it's better for the parents to separate and find happiness with someone else. That doesn't mean the parents love the child any less. If anything, it might be the least selfish decision they ever make, and it might give that child a chance to grow up with a healthy view on relationships. The most important thing is that the child grows up loved and cherished.

I don't consider myself a feminist, but for O'Reilly to insist that it's immoral for a woman to have a baby without a father in the picture is just plain offensive. O'Reilly grew up in a time when pregnant women got married whether they really wanted to or not because there weren't a lot of good options for women financially. That's not the case any more. A single mother can well provide for a family on a single income. Who says a woman can't successfully raise a child by herself? (other than Bill O'Reilly) I've seen lots of single women raise wonderful children.

Someone just need to send O'Reilly a walker and plop his saggy butt on a wrap around porch so he can yell at kids to get off his lawn and express his misogynistic views to his imaginary friends.

Fascinating Unthinking Unity

2010-07-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

I finally managed to watch a few of the movies that have been languishing in my Netflix queue for months. One of those electronically dusty movies was "A State of Mind". It is a documentary about the Mass Games in North Korea and was actually filmed in the little seen Pyongyang. If you have any interest in North Korea, you simply must see this movie. It is a fascinating look at the culture, families, games, and society of the most self-secluded nation on Earth.

The documentary, set in 2003, follows a couple of school-aged girls who are preparing for the Mass Games. The Mass Games are held on major holidays in North Korea, such as "The Dear Leader's" birthday, and are a fascinating spectacle of unity, athletic skill, and synchronized choreography. It is considered a great honor to be chosen to participate in the games, and an even greater honor if Kim Jong-Il attends.

Watching these boys and girls train is simply amazing. Most often they train their gymnastic skills outdoors...on concrete. I can't even imagine the lawsuits that would ensue in the US if someone was forced to train on concrete and suffered an injury. But they generally don't complain about the conditions. Any complaints are more centered around the long hours and fierce training schedule.

Beyond watching the girls prepare for the games, the viewer is allowed an unprecedented look at family life in North Korea. How a Western film crew managed to get such access is really beyond me. I'm guessing it's because the film crew merely watched and listened, without really interacting and/or criticizing. They didn't really need to anyway; the comments of the girls and their families was insightful enough. Even more interesting sometimes, though, is how alike all teenage girls are, even in such a strict and sparse society. Giggling, complaining about training/homework, gossiping with each other, being late for class, oversleeping....

What's most amazing to witness, from an American perspective, is the absolute devotion most of these people seem to have towards their country and their leader. They are raised believing that the United States is the cause of most of their problems, and therefore have an immense dislike of the West. Each kitchen has one wall-mounted radio that spews forth propaganda all day, every day. You can turn the volume down, but never completely turn it off. In addition, there is one TV channel available to them that offers North Korean "news" and entertainment for five hours a day. This kind of control is completely foreign to any Western society, but no one the film crew talked to seemed to mind. The only comment about it was from the father of one of the girls who wished that he could hear what the US was going to do about Iraq, because he thought it would greatly impact North Korea. Unbeknownst to him, the US invaded Iraq three days earlier, but the news had not been released to the North Korean public yet.

This movie is definitely worth your time to watch. The strict communist/socialist societal views juxtaposed with the beauty of the Mass Games is simply fascinating. I don't think that any individualistic society would be capable of creating the mass synchronicity that is demonstrated by the hordes of citizens involved in the games. You won't be sorry you spent the time to view this. FYI: It's currently available as an Instant View on Netflix, so there's no good excuse for not watching it. If you have a computer, Xbox, PS3, or Wii and Netflix, then you can watch this. Now get to it!!!

It Didn't Quite Suck

2010-07-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

Here's the follow-up to the article below. I watched the first episode of the new Scooby-Doo series Mystery Incorporated, and it really didn't suck. I was worried about the animation style, but I adjusted to it after the first few minutes, so that wasn't really a problem. The story line was a typical Scooby-Doo style plot: weird occurence, investigation, presentation of suspects, final trap, villain reveal, and cheesy meddling kids line. So yeah, definitely a whole of familiar, which I like.

Here's what's not familiar, some of which was good and some of which was okay. First off, they're in a town called Crystal Cove that is supposedly the most haunted town in America. The gang is all still in high school, which means you get to see a little more of their lives. The big thing is that you get to see their parents, and in Daphne's case, siblings. Not sure how I feel about that, but it wasn't horribly distracting or anything, so maybe it could be intersting later on.

The gang: the gang is a little different in this series, though. Or at least their relationships are. Daphne is head over heels for Fred, but Fred is obsessed with building the better trap, so he's pretty oblivious. Relatively different from the not-so-veiled relationship always hinted at in the original series. What's really strange, however, is Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby. Apparently, Velma and Shaggy have something going on on the side, but haven't told the gang yet, because Shaggy wants to break it nicely to Scooby, because Shag's afraid Scooby will be jealous or feel left out. In the mean time, Velma is trying to seduce Shaggy, and it's a strange thing to make Velma in any way sexual. I don't know about that sub-plot. So far, I'm not on-board. I hope they scrap that.

I think the best thing of all, though, is the fact that Patrick Warburton is the voice of the sheriff!!! I LOVE Patrick Warburton!!!!! Well done, Scooby voice casters!!!!

All-in-all, I'm pretty pleased with the show, and I will definitely watch it again. Yeah, it's cheesy, but it harkens back to a time when my TV only had thirsteen buttons, and 3 of those didn't have a station supporting them; a time when I rushed home after school to watch my favorite cartoon canine buddy, and when everything seemed a little simpler.

This Had Better Not Suck

2010-07-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm relaxing on a Sunday morning, drinking my coffee, surfing the net, and watching old Scooby-Doo episodes. Scooby-Doo has always been my favorite cartoon, because I guess I've always liked mysteries and creepy things, even as a little kid. Scooby-Doo was the scariest thing I was allowed to watch for quite some time, so I have a special affinity towards it. I even (yes currently) have a Scooby-Doo lunch box that looks like the Mystery Machine. My co-workers just indulge me and look the other way.

Over the years, there have been some horrible and unforgivable mistakes made with my beloved cartoon. Mistakes like Scrappy. Mistakes like the live action movies, to include the newest straight-to-landfill "the gang in high school" travesty. "The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo" was equally offensive, along with "A Pup Named Scooby-Doo". (why do they always turn beloved characters into babies? Muppet Babies...Looney Toon babies...ick) There was a brief series of shorts in 1999 that parodied "The Blair Witch Project" that was outstanding. I made little stick Scoobies that I hung up. It was fantastic. Soon after, they brought out the new cartoon movies like "Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island". It was actually good. My hopes had been raised, but then they produced some bad movies in that series, and I once again had to feel the sting of disappointment.

Now they are trying again...for the 11th time, if you can believe that. Tomorrow is the premier of "Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated". I'm anxious to see if they screw it up again. The teaser makes me nervous. For some reason, they can't just update the story lines and clothing, but keep everything else relatively the same. The gang has a weird angular appearance now, and Fred's chin is Bruce Campbell big. Velma's hairstyle is updated to look almost cute. The whole design has a very "Samurai Jack" kind of feel to it that makes me kind of wince, because I liked the rounded look they've always had. The angular thing is way too trendy.

So, I'm going to give it a chance and desperately hope that I'm not disappointed. I can't handle another Scrappy disaster, so they better get this one right. My inner child is at stake here.

Suprise Me, Oakland

2010-07-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

Oakland is facing what could be the most significant instance of civil unrest in its history as the Bay Area awaits the verdict of the Mehserle trial. In the last week as closing arguments were being prepared, the city was assaulted with malicious graffiti in one of nicer areas of the city. Phrases like "BART hates black people" and "Mehserle is found guilty or else". These inflammatory statements, along with irresponsible statements from local protestor groups, have set the city on edge. Even now, police are setting up Emergency Operations Centers around the Bay Area, extra cops are being shipped in, and EMS is anticipating having to respond to riot conditions. And no one seems to be doing anything to prevent it, at least not publicly.

What really bothers me is the media's irresponsible, headline lusting, apathetic response to the threat of civil unrest. I haven't seen even one news broadcast put a city official, a community leader, a pastor, or ANYONE in front of the camera to ask Oakland to stand down and make a plea to the community for peaceful celebrations or protests. Instead, the media shows threatening graffiti, police gearing up, angry "protestors" complaining they were kicked out of court for expressing their opinions (when really they were in contempt of court and disrupting the trial). The media has no interest in helping to curb what could be a very distructive riot in the city Oakland that is certain to result in property damage and possible physical harm not only to the citizens of Oakland, but to our law enforcement and EMS entities as well. All of this at a time when Oakland is facing a budget crisis that could propel the layoffs of at least 80 officers.

Since I haven't seen the media stand up and take the high road, I'm going to make my own plea.

To the residents of Oakland: I understand that the city has seen more than its fair share of rough times. I understand that Oakland is a rough place to grow up in, to raise a family in, and to simply just survive without being sucked down into the anger and bitterness that so many spew forth, especially in those areas that are in near poverty. I understand that the crime ridden areas of Oakland have not always had the most positive interactions with law enforcement, and this has caused distrust in the community.

Whatever your grievances are with law enforcement or the injustices (both real and perceived) that you've faced, violence is never the answer. If you feel that the verdict did not end your favor, you have every right to protest that. And I will always support your right to protest what you think is an injustice. When that protest, however, turns to violence, destroying the businesses of people who have nothing to do with the situation and who are members of your own community, assaulting officers or civilians, or putting EMS responders in danger when they are only there to provide medical assistance, I can't abide that. I encourage everyone to do their part to keep emotions in check and protest with your voice raised high, not your weapons. And if the verdict comes back in your favor, don't celebrate by trashing the city you're a part of.

Regardless of your personal feelings, the families of Oakland don't deserve to live in fear, and the people who are sworn to protect you and offer you medical assistance shouldn't have to be put in the position of having to stand against you. Law enforcement is not there is keep you down. They are there to ensure your safety, and the actions of one person shouldn't be the basis for unruly and unnecessary civil unrest.

Please, Oakland. Shock me. Don't take the path that everyone expects you to take. Protest, if you must, celebrate if you will, but do so peacefully and with dignity.

F U Bay Bridge Barons!!!

2010-06-21T22:29:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I get angry every now and then, but now I'm REALLY irritated. Specifically about two things. First, the Bay Bridge Barons have gone batsh#^ crazy! CRAZY! All Bay Area bridges posted signs today about an increase in bridge tolls starting in a little over a week. Let's just forget for a moment that when I first moved here nearly a decade ago, the tolls had just been raised to $2 and that most bridges are now facing $5 tolls. Let's instead focus on the nightmare that is about to become the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge. The genius idea put forth by...????? (who the heck knows) is to mandate $6 tolls for peak hours M-F, $4 for non-peak hours M-F, and $5 for weekends. WTF? Worse than that is that now the Bay Bridge (not sure about the rest of the bridges) will charge $2.50 for CARPOOLS!!! OMG WTF!?!?

Traditionally, carpools have been free to encourage a decrease in single passenger cars traveling across the bridge. If you've lived in DC and some other areas, then you may be familiar with a ride share program where people line up at specific spots in and drivers come by, pick up two passengers (sometimes 3), then sail across the bridge toll free in special lanes. Now drivers and passengers are going to have to talk about how the toll is going to paid, who's going to collect the toll, if passengers will pay at all or if it's a drivers' burdern, or will it be the freakin' wild west out there? It completely eliminates the purpose of the carpool lanes. Heck, if i had free parking in the city (or even a modest rate), I'd consider just driving to SF every day.

Why don't they just have us freakin' bend over without lube!?!?! I don't recall getting to vote on bridge tolls going up. I do remember a vote to build a new bridge, but that was supposed to be paid for by existing tolls when the plan was put together years ago. Who makes these decisions and where is the money going? Why do they need so freakin' much? Tens of thousands of cars cross the Bay Bridge alone every day. What on earth are they doing with all that money? Washington State doesn't permit keeping a permanent toll bridge. Why isn't California doing the same thing? Omg.... I'm seeing red. So angry.

To add to my fire (and this is irritating thing #2) is the fact that Oakland plans on laying off 202 police officers next fiscal year. ARE THEY F-ING KIDDING?!! Have they LOOKED at the homicide rates in Oakland? Have they studied the gang issue that garnered state and federal attention? Way to go, Oakland, you dipshits. Well, let's see how you feel when Oakland is on fire after the Mehserle trial verdict when riots are sure to break out in most certainly L.A. and most probably in Oakland. Or did they forget about the little riots that took place within the last year? Not only is the state assaulting my wallet, but worse, budget cuts are threatening my safety, even though the residents of Oakland voted to increase police officers, which included a plan for how to pay for it.

That's it. California's had its chance to pull its head out its butt, but it can't seem to do that without corrupting and ruining everything in its path. Deadlocked state politicians, retarded banks, and a barely literate Governor have left California feeling like that rich bitch that suddenly had to declare bankruptcy and is now begging for money on the street corner in order to afford its new Prada purse, because buying only one purse this quarter is actually saving money. Someone needs to take away California's toys and tell it, "Look, until you can behave like an adult and get your act together, you don't get the keys to family car. Now go do your homework, because we can't afford state tuition any more and you need that scholarship." (yeah, I know my little rants don't make 100% sense. I'm ranting, so live with it.)

The Majestic

2010-06-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

I've been out of touch for a while, due to other committments and lack of energy, but I am back! So let's get straight to the point. Sweden. That's right. Land of sexy blonde swimsuit models and fish. (not sexy blonde fish...although...huh, maybe?) With the celebration of a royal wedding today and the world attention it has garnered, I find myself once again drawn into the whole romantic idea of a monarchy. Growing up in a democracy fueled by Disney ideals of love-struck princesses, it's hard to ignore the pomp and circumstance of a royal wedding.

Often, however, I wonder at the American obsession of spreading democracy. Yes, I love freedom and contributing to the decisions (however infinitesimally) in my country (although i don't always vote. shame on me.), I can't say that a democracy is the the only way to go. Althought monarchies haven't always been successful, and they have a tendency to be abused or populated by inbred lunatics, that doesn't mean a monarchy can't be successful.

There's a certain allure of monarchies that provides a nation with a collective consciousness. True, most monarchies these days are purely ceremonial, but those countries that embrace at least the facade of a monarchy seem to do pretty well, in my opinion. Sure, there's the weird tabloids and embarrassing moments, but heck, we have that, too. What we don't see in this country is the collective excitement and celebration that occurs with royal events. If Obama's daughter was older and got married, you wouldn't see people flocking from all over the world to watch the wedding. You wouldn't see legions of ceremonial guards parading down the street. The closest the US comes to this kind of gathering would be a state funeral (ala JFK). And let's face it. That's never a party.

There's nothing to say that a monarchy can't succeed while still allowing people to living in freedom. That's why monarchies have parliments. If you have a monarch, checked by a parliment, then you're pretty much doing the same thing as a president checked by a congress. The only difference is the people didn't elect the ruler. England has seen its fair share of horrible rulers, and most people dread Prince Charles taking the throne, but it's had its fair share of great rulers as well. America has seen some truly extraordinary presidents, but there have been some absolutely devasting ones that left our nation feeling beat up and tired. Whose to say that the elected official in a two party system really ends up any better than a royal elevated to their position through bloodlines?

I just feel like America would do better as a people if there was something we could all rally around. Something to be excited about. Yes, the royals tend to be a financial nightmare, but most people don't realize how much money we sink into our officials for state dinners and other things like wardrobes, travel, homes, vacation spots, and so forth. The fact is people like tradition. They are fascinated by elegance and grace, position and title, sashes and crowns, manners and nobility.

Maybe we could create a hybrid system where the people are allowed to vote for the people in the royal bloodline who seem the most qualified? Surely, there are a lot of qualified people since they are typically sent to the best schools. Besides, it would encourage the royal line to step it up if they knew they could rule the country if they get their stuff together, work hard, and live a decent life. Then again, royal assassinations might increase. hhhhmmm...

True, you'd probably never see a peanut farmer end up as president, but it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility. Sweden's Princess Victoria just married a "commoner" which opens up the bloodlines for all sorts of great shenanigans and possibilities. In fact, her now husband is a former fitness instructor. So who knows how things would play out in my partial monarchy? I would volunteer to start America's royal bloodline. Give it a thought. I wouldn't be such a bad choice, and I'd look fanastic in a tiara, flowy dress, and blue sash.

Look, Honey! A Crack Whore! ka-leeeck

2010-05-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, I must thank my friend for sending me the article upon which this post is based.

I've heard of some crappy vacations before (visiting giant balls of string, the toilet museum, Dollywood, Utah), but this new "vacation" destination in the heart of San Francisco just baffles me. No, I'm not talking about Fiserman's Wharf, Golden Gate Park, or Haight/Ashbury. I'm talking about Dante's 8th layer of Hell. I'm talking about ... the Tenderloin. Yes, that's right. Some deranged San Francisco boosters have decided that people need to experience the "'kind of grittiness you can't find much anymore," said Randy Shaw, a longtime San Francisco housing advocate and a driving force behind the idea of Tenderloin tourism. "And what is grittier than the Tenderloin?"'

You NEED to read the entire article (linked above), because there are too many good quotes for me to include here without simply posting the entire article. But let me give you one of the highlights. One of the major selling points to get people to visit the Tenderloin is the "world's largest collection of historic single-room occupancy hotels." Flop houses. Hourly motels. Fleabag hotel residences. That's how they want to draw you in.

Are they f#@%ing INSANE? I've seen the Tenderloin quite a bit, and I can tell you from personal experience, there is nothing there that deserves a second look. It's filled with drug dealers, prostitutes, homeless, hippies, drag queens, dirt poor crack addicted off-their-medication freaks who would love nothing more than to shake you down for whatever you might have on you without concern for you personal safety. There's nothing exotic or sexy about bug-filled mattresses, urine soaked sidewalks, and diaretic crap dripping down a building wall (yeah. I've seen it in person).

This is by far the most ridiculous thing I've ever read, which includes the story about the man marrying his cat. The fact that anyone is advocating tourism in this seedy and broken section of town is just welcoming trouble. I can't wait until the city is sued for promoting tourism there when a tourist ends up dead at the hands of a desperate meth addict.

But maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe the city could make it fun. Maybe San Francisco could offer free t-shirts to those tourists who can collect 10 or more syringes without getting infected. "Go on little Bobby! It's just like an Easter Egg hunt! There's one by that garbage can! Go, go, go!"

German Cat-astrophe

2010-05-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

This just goes to prove that women aren't the only ones with cat obsessions. A man in Germany discovered his cat was ill, and as a gesture of love and affection, decided to marry the cat. Yeah. You read that right. Since marrying animals is illegal in Germany (as it should be everywhere), he had to hire an actress to officiate the ceremony. The groom appeared in a tux and top hat, and the catty bride appeared in a little wedding dress. After the ceremony, the groom fed his new bride cake and gave her kisses. I hate to think what the honeymoon was like. (Did I mention that they lived in sin for 10 years?)

This supports my theory that Germans are the strangest and funniest people on the planet, especially when you juxtapose these strange tendencies with their predilection towards world conquest. Thank you for endless entertainment, Germany!

Are Ya Daft?

2010-05-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

One of the lead stories tonight on the news concerned the new Arizona immigration law. There are students (once again) at UC Berkeley who are undertaking a hunger strike until the Chancellor agrees to support their protest. This weekend for May Day, groups of unruly protestors broke into shops and caused city-wide damage in their anger over the law. And tonight, there are people sitting outside a city council meeting demanding that San Francisco boycott Arizona companies. All of this because they claim that Arizona's new law in discriminatory.

Thus, I must ask, "Are you daft?" Cracking down on illegal immigration is not discriminatory to a particular community, class, or race of people. Illegal immigrants are here ILLEGALLY. It's not like Arizona is rounding up Mexicans or Japanese or Arabs and shipping them off en mass. All they're doing is verifying that someone is a tax-paying citizen of this country. It doesn't matter what race or religion you are or what country you're originally from. If you're here illegally, you need to go. Period.

Typical Illegals griping: "But my kids were born here! But my whole family lives here! But I've lived here for 15 years! I have rights!" No. You don't have rights other than what the Geneva Convention allows you. You're not a citizen of this country. You don't have rights. You violated the law the second you stepped on US soil without the proper paperwork. You chose to immigrate illegally. You chose to then have a family in the states knowing that you could be deported and your child could be separated from you. It was your CHOICE. I know someone who spent the better part of a decade trying to immigrate legally into the country. Could that be sped up? Sure. Does it suck to have to wait that long. Sure. But that's typical government red tape. It happens in every country.

Illegal immigrants constantly complain that they aren't being treated fairly. YOU'RE HERE ILLEGALLY! The FAIR thing to do is to send your ass packing so that the tax payers of this country don't have to support you or your family for your education, health care, and public services. If someone broke into your home, you'd be on the phone to the cops before the person had a chance to utter a syllable. Why? Because they are in your home illegally, much like you're in our country illegally, yet you blame a state for taking a stand against this crime?

It literally confounds me. I just don't get it. How can someone protest upholding the law? And what's even more strange to me is that some these same people who are arguing against "immigrant discrimination" support the ban on gay marriage. It's okay to truly discriminate against an entire segment of the legal population, but not okay to support a law that helps identify and expel illegal immigrants?

I welcome immigrants from every country as long as you're willing to go through the legal process to become a citizen, and you're not here to blow something up. I think immigration is a good thing and brings a necessary world view and global perspective to our often U.S.-centric country. You can bring me your poor, tired, and huddled masses, (although some well-educated, financially secure, upbeat masses would be just dandy too!) just sign this stack of forms, please, and take a seat over there until your number is called. :) NEXT!

Urban Sprawl

2010-04-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

After getting to spend some time away from the concrete jungle in which I live, I regained an appreciation for all things green. Now don't go thinking this is going to be a hippie-inspired post, because I'm not going that far, but what I do think, and have always thought, is that this country could use a little more green. Let's face it, living in one of the most populated areas of the United States has its immense drawbacks.

I'm not one who loves flitting to the corner cafe and having 50 thousand over-priced restaurants with walking distance. I know some people are enamoured with all that city life has to offer, but frankly, I'm rather sick of the constant noise (like the hammering that has been going on outside my window for the past 6 hours), the smog, the lack of open land, and teeth-grinding traffic snarls. I recently got to enjoy the ocean, open green landscape, and warm sand under my feet without having to see urban sprawl everywhere I went, and without an hour-long drive.

As far as I'm concerned, the San Francisco Bay Area can sink into the ocean. It's a tangled mess of socialites, dirty hippies, concrete, and pathetic "urban parks" the size of postage stamps. For an area that seems to pride itself on environmental platforms, there sure doesn't seem to be much of an environment to save here. The water is dirty, the parks are a mess, funding is down, birds are scarce (unless you count toeless pigeons, which are in abundance), greenery is rare, trees are sparce... it's just a nightmare. This is the most hypocritical area in the union, and that's saying quite a bit.

Look, if a place is going to be a dirty, crime-ridden, concrete waste of space, then it should just own up to it, like Los Angeles or New York, rather than pretending to be some champion of the earth. Just say you have a couple of good parks, and call it a day, Bay Area. Being on the ocean doesn't mean you're an environmental masterpiece. I recently heard of an organization in Hawaii, The Nature Conservancy of Hawaii, (also acts worldwide) that goes around buying up land that companies want to develop, then they turn those areas into parks and reserves. In fact, they were able to double the size of the Volcanic National Park on the big island doing just that. Where's that kind of dedication here? Oh yeah, I forgot. Money speaks louder than environmental morals here.

I'm sure that there are many environmental agencies in the Bay Area who fight for park land and other things, so don't go listing them all for me, but part of the problem is that there are too many competing agencies whose separated voices are not particularly strong. That and the fact that much of the environmental damage has already been done. Who is going to tear down a section of the city to build a reserve? No one. It's too valuable.

Hopefully, I'll be able to finally move away from this place of urban sprawl to a place that makes more sense, is greener, and doesn't make me feel like all I hear is arguing and chaos. And just for one night, I'd like to go without hearing a siren in the distance.

Getting to the Text of the Matter

2010-03-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

My friend recently wrote an article about machines taking over mankind. I'm not sure if he's decided on Terminator rules or Matrix rules, but he said something aside from human slavery that I think needs further exploration and interpretation.

This is the part that interested me, "Take a quick trip to any local mall and you will find hundreds of automatons, grasping their iPhones/blackberries in their hands waiting for the next input. There they sit, transfixed on the little screen in their hands. Waiting for a text, waiting for a call, waiting for an internet site, waiting to get showtimes, waiting for emails... Waiting for a mini computer to guide them in life."

While people are dependent on technology, I would argue that's not the core issue here. The core issue is our dependency on each other with technology being the distraction. We sit around checking our five email accounts, Twitters, Facebook pages, MySpace, and whatever else we've hooked into in a rather desperate hope that someone wants to talk back to us. The world has grown around us, but become smaller as well.

We used to spend our whole lives in a 50 miles radius, if one was adventurous. We knew our neighbors better than ourselves. We were born in the same village, city, or district, grew up there, watched each other change, marry, have kids, grow old, and eventually be laid to rest. We had an intimate connection to one another, because it was too difficult to go very far. With technology, the world opened up to us, and allowed us to travel farther, see things we never imagined, and meet an endless parade of people, but still remain relatively dependent on face-to-face interaction. But in the last 30 years, things have changed dramatically.

Somewhere in that journey, technology drove us apart in an attempt to bring us closer together. Sure we can text, tweet, email, poke, call, post, and IM each other, but it doesn't seem to have filled an important place for us. We are sensory creatures, and the lack of a physical presence bothers us. People measure their sense of worth by how many "friends" they can gather on their FB pages, yet don't understand how they can be so lonely. Don't think we're lonely? Check out the myriad Internet dating sites out there.

Yes, many of us are shy, and shrink from social situations, but that doesn't mean we don't want face-to-face interaction. We say more than we ever have before, because we can be anonymous, but it doesn't mean that we're closer to each other. We've become so used to having instant interaction with people, that we've forgotten what's its like to just be by ourselves without associating it with loneliness.

So we sit in malls, surrounded by people, yet stare at a screen, waiting for a message to appear so that we can feel that someone cares. We message people half a world away, yet don't know our neighbor's first name. I can tell you that my best friend who lives several states away laughed at a YouTube video, but I don't know what her life is like any more. Missing the personal moments in each others' lives causes us to miss the deeper connections we inherently look for.

Instant connectivity has changed our connections with each other into commercials. We get blips and blurbs from each other without substance, while we really just wait for the show to start. Some commercials are worth watching, but mostly, we fast-forward through them or leave the room.

It's time we put down the screens and looked up. Maybe we'll see what we've been missing.

(and yes, I realize the irony here, so don't get all proud of yourself. You know who you are.)

Sparta-Sputch

2010-03-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a little late to join the band, but I recently watched the first episode of Spartacus. While the story line seems vaguely interesting, I am unsure as to whether or not I will continue to watch the series. It's not the egregious and seemingly out-of-place constant sex scenes that bother me. No, rather it is the narcassistic display of the director that has me thinking that I might just remove the series from my queue.

The problem is something that I've seen a lot of in movies like 300 and Sin City and others. The directors are so involved in creating something they think is visually artistic that the movie or series becomes one gigantic stroke-fest for the director. You can practically see them sitting back and congratulating themselves for creating something so artistic and intense, when really, they almost always overdo it, thus destroying what could have been a neat and unique style.

Point in case: Spartacus. The director seems to be in love with three things: slow motion, blood, and slow motion spilling of blood. I kid you not, EVERY time someone had so much as a papercut, the motion suddenly slowed and a fountain of deeply color-enhanced blood sprayed across the screen. During a scene where Spartacus is battling a group of gladiators, he was smacked against the back of the head and a bucket of blood haloed out from his head. The obscene amount of blood should have laid him flat and let him see bits of his brain in his fabulously long girl hair. But no. He shook it off, and continued fighting. Yeah... you lost me. At least make it somewhat realistic.

The slow motion blood sprays would have maybe been cool looking if A. it hadn't been overdone in half a dozen movies over the last decade to ad nauseum, or B. the director didn't do EVERY time blood appeared on screen. It doesn't make it cool or artistic or stunning if you do it every time some has even a nosebleed on screen.

I instantly lose interest in any movie that tries so hard to be stylistic. Much like in life, the best movies and shows are understated in that they don't have to throw visual trickery at you to make you impressed. Think Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. They didn't run around going "oooooo!!!! Look at me!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!" Their grace, class, and humility made people fall in love with them on screen and off. They were amazing without having to tell people they were. Movies can do the same thing. They can be beautiful without screaming, "LOOK AT MY VISUAL EFFECTS!!!! AREN'T I AWESOME!?!" But this fascination with effects and not story is killing me.

Notice how many 3-D movies are out there right now? Many people are so stunned at the technology that they don't care about the story. Directors like Michael Bay are probably drooling, because finally, they can simply show you pretty pictures rather than come up with a compelling story line. I don't want my movies or shows to be driven by how many pretty pictures they can shove into an hour or two. Visual effects should support the story line, not become the story line.

And oh yeah... live person stop motion (like what's in Kindle commercials right now) creeps me the F out. Seriously.

Is This an International Joke?

2010-02-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'm wondering if there's an international joke going on out there that I just don't understand. When I think of problem countries, you know, those countries who just don't seem to want to get along with everyone else... I think of countries that harrass others. Countries where people embrace the idea of violence to achieve its ends. Countries that use the phrase "human rights" as a punch line.

On the flip side, when I think of countries that might pose a threat to the way of life of problem countries, I can picture the superpowers. Places like the Russia, China, the United States, United Kingdom, and several others.

No where in either of those lists did I ever picture the newest country to earn itself a jihad sticker. Yes, campers, that's right, Libya's Moammar Gadhafi has declared a jihad on... Switzerland! Nasty, bastardy Switzerland. That instigator of world conflict! How did Switzerland earn itself a jihad? It arrested Gadhafi's wife and son for abusing servants in luxury hotel. Silly Gadhafis. If you're going to abuse your servants, do it in a cheap hotel. To be fair, though, the Gadhafis were released and the charges dropped.

That incident in 2008 was the foundation for escalating tensions. Switzerland put a ban on minarets on mosques, and Gadhafi responded by calling Switzerland an "infidel, obscene state which is destroying mosques." Indeed, Switzerland with their obsession of winter sports is such an obscene state. And damn those awesome banks. Since then Libya has basically imposed sanctions on Switzerland to include putting a ban on all Swiss products and preventing Swiss ships or planes from landing in Libya.

Libya also announced that it would deny visas to Europe's Schengen bloc visa holders(Europe's visa-free travel area), which includes Switzerland. The Swiss responded by bascially saying, "Fine. Then your people aren't allowed in the Schengen bloc."

And so on and so forth.

Gadhafi says that he does not condone terrorism, but that he does officially declare a jihad on Switzerland which affords the right to armed struggle. Oh Switzerland... when will you stop tormenting the world with your world class chocolates, quaint country sides, majestic mountains, charming people, and committment to human rights? It's really just surprising that no one has decided to declare a jihad on you before this.

Damn Right, It's Better Than Yours

2010-02-21T12:06:00.000-08:00

I decided to flip on the tube this morning while munching down some mini-wheats (yum). I didn't really feel like watching the less-exciting middle-of-the-day olympic events (like curling, which I just don't get), so I started to browse. I ran across My Super Sweet 16. I've seen the program before, but decided to watch for a few to see what ridiculous thing the show was up to. If you aren't familiar with the show, it's basically a bunch of super-rich spoiled teens being indulged by their often retarded parents who offer to throw them some over-the-top birthday party that normally ends in the spoiled teen receiving a car I couldn't afford even 20 years from now.

The episode I jumped in the middle of was for a "Super Swag 18" for Soulja Boy, a rather talentless rap star. (trust me, if you had heard him try to actually sing in front of the mirror, you'd be with me on this) SB decided to invite a select number of the public to his party by handing out tickets over a local radio show, because he wanted to "give back to [his] fans." He attended the radio show, personally handed out tickets later on, and was planning (before it rained) to helicopter in to his own party so the people could ooo and ahhh at him. It was by far the most narcassitic display of idiocy I've seen in a long time.

If this show isn't the epidome of what's wrong with a good majority of America, I don't know what is. We spend so much time worrying about what the label is on our stuff, that we often don't stop to think about how much we actually have. The amount of money these people drop on a party could support a local animal shelter for over a year. It often seems to be the case that those with the least help charities the most. Sure, stars will drop a check every now and then, but ask them to pick up a hammer, donate their time, or get their perfectly manicured nails dirty, and it's a no go. Unless, of course, the cameras are rolling, in which case, it's about them trying to make themselves look like humanitarians rather than actually wanting to help someone else, and as soon as the camera crews leave, so do they.

Case in point: I don't remember the exact details, but last year the local news did a blurb on a seven-year-old kid who decided that he didn't need more toys for his birthday. In fact, rather than have a fancy birthday party and get presents he'd forget about the following week, the boy asked that people take the money they would have spent on presents and give it to him to donate to an animal shelter. The boy raised several hundred dollars. That sounds like a pretty good way to spend a birthday to me.

Sure, I give in to impulse buys, and I'd love to have a nice Infiniti in my driveway, but, for the most part, I realize I don't NEED those things. I have a TV from the stone age, until very recently a computer that could barely keep up, hand-me-down and IKEA furniture, and a car that is nothing special but completely paid for. Sure, I'd like some better stuff, but I'm okay with what I have, and even if I could afford what these ridiculous families could, I can't imagine spending money just to spend money. I can't imagine ever thinking that I just had to have an LV purse or Coach sunglasees that took up the majority of my face.

While these people will certainly leave an impression on some, most of these stars will fade in time, and they will have nothing to show for their lives. If they're lucky, they'll end up on one of those shows about people who used to be rich and famous, but now live in squalor. When we learn that the legacy we leave behind doesn't involve riches, but service to others even if we never actually get credit for it, then we'll have progressed. I think if more stars took the path that Audrey Hepburn did, our world would be a much a better place.

Got an Ugly Date?

2010-02-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

You get set up on a blind date and you realize, way too late, that your friend has a grudge against you, or at least you must assume, based upon the person in front of you who makes you kind of wince. You want to be a good person and overlook the eye tooth that's closer to the person's eye than tongue, or the severe case of acne that led to unsightly scarring, but you find it difficult. How do you get to know the person without obsessing about the physical flaws or how do you survive a date you know is going to go nowhere? Fear not. My friend supplied me with the answer. It'll cost you, but it just might save you from an uncomfortable evening...sort of.

Last week my friend's husband took her to a unique dining experience that I had never even contemplated, Dark Dining. If you haven't heard of dark dining, here's the premise: It's pretty simple. You eat in the dark. Darkness so enveloping that you can't see your own hand in front of your face. It's apparently a fun and interesting experience trying to eat a steak in the complete dark, and will certainly solve the problem of a less than attractive date.

In San Francisco, New York, and ... uh, I forget, there's a restaurant that provides this particular experience, by leading you to a basement restaurant where you are guided to a table by waiters and waitresses who are themselves blind. They help you find your utensils, napkin, glasses, etc., and tell you where things are situated on the table. My friend said it was interesting to try and butter bread when you can't see the knife, the bread, or the butter. Apparently, you need to do a lot of feeling around. Don't worry, though, they provide wash cloths afterward. :)

I was intrigued until I found out how much this experience would cost me. Try $98 PER PERSON for the set three course menu. For food you can't even see. Apparently, it's very good food, but I can't imagine paying basically $100 each for this experience. And that's if you don't order any drinks. I think I could probably replicate the same thing by heading down to my basement and duct taping some cardboard up over the couple of windows. Or I could just wait around for the next blackout. Yeah. I'm cheap. Wanna make something of it?

Winter Olympics Opening...Zzzzzz

2010-02-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

Zzzzzz... Oh what? Sorry. I've been getting the best sleep of my life after the open ceremony to the Winter Olympics last night. No one was expecting the slave labor fantastic spectacle that China coughed up during the Summer Olympics, but surely there should have been something to rouse the masses at the Winter Olympics, but no. Just as it is with winter vs. summer olympics sports, so as it is with the opening show... just not quite as exciting.

I will say one thing, the show was visually stunning, which, of course, loses luster when you have to watch it on TV. I'm sure it's much like watching a fireworks display on TV. You get the idea, but live is always better. So to give it some kudos, before I rip into it, I must say that my favorite part was when the floor seemed to turn into an ocean where orcas played. They even rigged the floor to spout water, as if the projected orcas were real. Very cool. I also like the gigantic trees. Very woodsy and Northwesty. Good job there. I'll even give it up to the strange fiddle/semi-Scotsman/rocker/biker section that lasted way too long. But that's all I've got.

Most everything I liked about the ceremony is strictly based on visual effects. Like I said, even though they lost something over the TV, they were stunning. The pacing of the ceremony is what lost me. The mistake they made is that Canada doesn't have much of a culture. They are very nice people (except when driving) and they stay off the world grid so they're not controversial. Where as America has developed some of its own personality despite being a mishmash of cultures, Canada is just plain vanilla nice and steals from Northern European cultures and some indigenous cultures. So last night, they focused mainly on the only true cultural heritage they have by dialing up the First Four Nations, who in truth, are acknowledged up there, but not revered, much like in the US.

In that same vein, the second mistake they made was to base 90% of the show around this idea of the indigenous cultures. While native stories are beautiful, poetic, lyrical, and moral, they are extremely slow-paced. There's never really any exciting event in their stories to rouse an audience. These stories calm you, and make you think about your place in it all. This is probably why the opening ceremony was beautiful, but a snorefest.

This is how we ended up with half a dozen people standing on the floor and looking awed..... for several minutes... while colors swirled around them and a narrator (Sutherland) droned on, and how we ended up watching cultures drift apart on icebergs after 10 minutes of standing around. This is how we ended up with a handful of people dancing around the trees while Sarah McLaughlin sang. Pretty, but lulling. This is also how we ended up with some strange looking boy flying all over the stadium for 10 minutes while images of the plains followed him around. And this is also how we ended up watching the mountains being born and eventually skiers and snowboarders doing flips on wires in front of the mountains for another half hour.

This is about where my endurance failed, because I woke up to some woman dressed in a wide-skirt gold ball gown and super-fro hair screaming an operatic solo at me. After which, I finally turned off the TV and staggered to bed in a daze.

For the most part, it was just plain snoozy. Even the fiddler/biker/whatever section that was meant to be audience-rousing droned on and on seemingly without end. Every time you thought they were going to move on, someone would break into a tap-dancing solo, and we'd have to start all over again.

I grew up in the Northwest, and like any good Northwesterner, I was raised appreciating the trees, water, mountains, and nature in general. I listened to Native stories, saw tribal dancing, appreciated native art and salmon sculptures. These things are beautiful and generally laid back, because while a lot of the people in the Northwest are no strangers to flinging themselves off mountains, riding the rapids, or finding the highest spot in the forest to climb before base-jumping to the bottom, most of the beauty discovered in our area is done so by taking the time to stop and simply watch the world drift in its own rhythm.

I don't think the Northwest's Weltanschauung translates well to an event like the opening ceremonies, mostly because the opening ceremonies tend to be so darn long. You can't remain that laid back for that long without lulling your audience into a trance-like state or into unconsciousness. The artist spent $40 million on that program, and I'm not sure even what to think about that, except thanks for the $40 million nap?

I must give a couple more shout-outs, though, just to end on a positive note. I didn't know bed quilts could become skirts or that Canadians were fond of go-go dancing in lines. Well done to the tribes who danced with enthusiasm for the better part of an hour. I liked the constellation bear, even though it facilitated 10 minutes of people on the floor just staring at the bear with little to no action. And finally, it was nice to see all the nations come together to honor the man from Georgia who died on Thursday while doing a test run on the luge track. It provided a spirit of togetherness which is what the games are all about.

Sex with a Side of Dance

2010-01-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

While browsing through a couple of my favorite sites, I ran across an article called "Sexual Politics of Dancing: The Secrets of Looking Good on the Dance Floor". This title was accompanied by a rather geeky looking white guy. What could I do but click on the article?

An illiterate British dancer decided to go back to school in his early twenties, where he studied English and Psychology. Missing dance, quite a bit, he decided to combine the two and *poof* he becomes a expert in the psychology of dance. Peter Lovatt, aka Dr. Dance, a professor at the University of Hertfordshire, has become an expert in what people find attractive in dance. Uh huh... Well, I suppose if you can prove that men are attracted to a certain hip to waist ratio in women, then I suppose you can show that people are attracted to a certain kind of dance.

If you're looking to score some points on the dance floor, here's what I learned in a nutshell, so you don't have to read the whole article.

1. If your ring finger is longer than your index finger, the difference between the two is related to how much testosterone you were exposed to in the womb. Longer ring finger = high testy.

2. Women unconsciously found the men with higher prenatal testosterone levels more attractive than those with lower levels. Complex coordinated big moves = hot. Uncoordinated big moves or small moves = not.

3. Men unconsciously found women with lower levels of prenatal testosterone levels more attractive than those with higher levels. Small movements (esp. w/hips) = hot. Uncoordinated big moves = not.

4. In Men, confidence on the dance floor is key. Men are more confident when they're younger, not so much in the middle age, then are again confident after 60. Men's confidence is tied to women's confidence in middle age. (presumably because women are unhappy and yell at men.)

5. In women: they enjoy dancing innocently until about 15 when they realize it can be tied to sex, then they lack confidence til about 20. They go down again after 35 as they approach menopause and all that crap, but go up again after all of that nonsense is done.

6. Women don't like it small and simple.

7. Relax. Let go and your body should move. (I learned this after copious amounts of alcohol.)

Apparently, you just have to get out there and shake it. Just make sure that your movements are big and complicated if you're a guy, and if you're a girl smaller, sultry hip swaying works wonders. Just make sure you're doing it in time to the beat people. There. You now know how to score on floor. Get out there!

Pass the Bottle, Mom

2010-01-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

Something has bothered me for a long time, and I constantly question it. People say that alcoholism is inherited. I call BS. I know several people who were born from alcoholic parents who are not alcoholics. Conversely, I know several people who appear to have a problem with alcohol whose parents have never exhibited any sort of dependency on alcohol.

My mother is the child of not one, but two alcoholics, and while I sometimes question her intake, I wouldn't say I'd label her as an alcoholic. For myself, I didn't drink until I was of legal age. I was always instilled with the fear that I might end up an alcoholic, and I didn't want to die early like both of my grandparents did. Watching my grandfather die has to be one of the strongest and most painful memories of my youth. As an adult, I can drink or not drink. I'm fine with it. I can go months without having a drink. I don't feel I'm dependent upon alcohol, but I don't purposely avoid it either.

The truth is, no one really knows what causes alcoholism. It's an addiction, to be sure, but genetically inherited? Doctors says that "certain genes" may increase the risk of alcoholism, but they don't know what genes are responsible or how those genes might work. Doctors also say that people who have parents who are alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves. I don't think this is a result of genes, but rather a result of environment. Kids mimic behavior they observe every day. That tendency to mimic could present itself later on in life when the children have to deal with real problems of their own. If they see their parents resorting to alcohol to ease their burdens, then it makes sense that their children would mimic that behavior. That combined with the often euphoric feeling that alcohol causes, could cause that person to seek refuge in alcohol, much like drug addicts seek refuge in the alternate reality drugs provide.

I'm tired of people using their parents as an excuse for their drinking. You can blame your parents for a lot of things like heart disease and high blood pressure, maybe even schizophrenia, but alcoholism? Take some responsibility for your own actions and either live with the consequences of your drunken choices or seek help.

Pathetic or Genius?

2010-01-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

Every fast food restaurant out there is trying to alter their menu in order to convince people that there are "healthy" fast food options. And so I swear I almost blew my water out my nose when I saw the latest gimicky commercial for a fast food restaurant. Taco Bell now has their own version of Subway's Jarred. Meet Christine. She claims to have lost 54 pounds by lowering her daily caloric intake with the help of "fresco" Taco Bell menu items. She immediately claims that her results aren't typical, but you too could be like her. Awesome. Finally, the excuse all of us Taco Bell junkies have been looking for. "what? Taco Bell is part of my low calorie diet!" Except that if you read the fine print in the commercial, there's the tag that basically says, "Taco Bell's food is not a low calorie food."

First, let's take a look at what they're talking about. Their "Drive-Thru Diet" consists of several core menu items to include beef and chicken tacos, bean burritos, and gorditas. They're not talking about the five layer burritos and piled-high nachos. They also aren't talking about the regular versions of these core items. You have to order these items "fresco". What does that mean? It means that instead of cheese, they give you salsa. You save approximately 40 - 50 calories that way. Not a horribly big difference, but when yogurt companies are pimping their yogurt saying that it will save you 10 calories, I guess every calorie counts.

Second, how much food are we talking about? You obviously can't go in there and order a ten pack of tacos. What can you order? Well, one beef taco "fresco" style is approximately 150 calories. A chicken soft taco is approximately 175 calories. A bean burrito? 325 calories. Considering that many other fast food options start at about 400 calories, this isn't half bad. Until you look closer. What are you really eating? A couple tablespoons of "beef product," a half handful of lettuce, a sprinkle of tomatoes, some "fiesta salsa", and a fried corn shell. The burrito? Again "fiesta salsa", refried beans, and a flour soft shell. Not really what I would call "healthy" food. Tasty? You bet. Healthy? Probably not.

Third, what's the fat content? You get one little skinny beef taco and Taco Bell claims it's "Less than 9 grams of fat". That much fat packed into a small little taco is actually quite a bit. Take a look at Subway. If you forgo cheese, mayo, and oil, they can get you a sandwich (with meat) for about 6 grams of fat and all of the veggies your little heart desires. While the calorie count is going to be higher (think 400 - 600 calories per sandwich) you're actually getting a bunch of veggies, bread, and meat to help make you full and keep you full. If nothing else, at least you're getting your greens, if you play the game correctly.

Fourth, let's look at what Christine was actually doing. The spokesperson, Christine, made low-calorie choices that included getting a taco or two from Taco Bell. What they don't talk about much, is that Christine supposedly started out eating around 2,000 calories a day. That's actually a normal calorie count for a person between 20 and 50. She reduced her caloric intake to approximately 1,250 calories a day. Any reduction like that is going to help you lose weight. She didn't reduce her calories by just eating Taco Bell. Rather, instead of grabbing a burger and fries, she chose to grab a couple of tacos. Other than that, we know very little about the rest of her diet. She certainly didn't eat at Taco Bell for every meal. I would expect to see some rather large sized gallstones if that were the case. She obviously made a rather big mental and lifestyle shift to accomplish her goals that probably involved some sort of exercise in addition to a healthier diet. It was Christine's ability to reduce her food intake that helped her lose weight, not Taco Bell.

While I love Taco Bell, and count it as one of my many guilty pleasures, I am aware that it is, indeed, a guilty pleasure. Very few people are going to be able to walk into a Taco Bell, order one beef taco, and walk away feeling satisfied for the rest of the day. There isn't a whole lot of nutritional value in Taco Bell food, and I'm okay with that, because Taco Bell is what it is. The fact that they're now trying to make it seem like a healthy option and even have guides on the "Drive-Thru Diet Program" is just pathetic to me. Taco Bell, embrace what you are and don't try to be something you're not. It's just plain sad, and frankly misleading. For shame, Taco Bell. For shame!

Top 10 Things I Learned in VA

2009-12-13T16:02:00.000-08:00

I recently visited Virginia, and while this was not the first time I'd spent some time there, it did remind me of all the things that are strange in Virginia (and the east coast in general) which make me realize I'll always be a West Coaster, even if some of the bizarre VA stuff is cool. So, in no particular order...WC4Life, Yo!

1. There are no easy directions in Virginia. I tried to print directions to my friend's place only to find that there are no easy directions in Virginia. It's not as easy as take this highway and turn left. Oh no... It's take this highway that turns into this highway that merges into yet another highway that has three names and intersects two interstates before it finally becomes something else, leaving you confused and angry.

2. Virginia has an insane amount of highways. What we, on the west coast, would call a side road, Virginia calls a highway. This relates to the confusion I detailed in #1. It's confusing and annoying that a simple street in the middle of the city is actually a highway and that Google maps makes sure that you know it's a highway, but also goes by several other names. Ridonkulous if you ask me.

3. Hunters are everywhere. Since I apparently was there during the opening day of hunting season, I got to see a lot of hunters wandering around in the strange combination of camouflage clothing and blaze orange hunting vests. I even got to see some "women" hunters....at least I think they were women. It was really difficult to tell. I often saw these hunters in restaurants in full hunting gear, complete with the leaf camo baseball cap. I can't remember the last time I saw anyone in any sort of hunting gear in California. It was strange.

4. Mullets are still an acceptable hairstyle. Just to be clear, mullets are NEVER an acceptable hairstyle, but apparently no one informed Virginia. Come on people! With all of the mocking that mullets have received why would you ever think it's okay? Especially on a female. Ugh.

5. Divided highways suck monkey balls. I'm not talking about the divided highways that are going in opposite directions. I'm talking about the divided highways that are going in the same direction, but that have "local exit" divided portions, so that you can curse and swear and throw things when you realize the exit that you want is actually on the other side of the barrier and there's no way in hell you're going to get there, so you end up in Maryland, pissed off that you can't find a simple exit that doesn't involve driving on yet another highway for several miles before finding an actual exit that will let you turn around.

6. Whole Foods can suck it! I generally hate Whole Foods, because it is pretentious and over-priced. This was further proved to me when I stepped into one of the largest and most awesome grocery stores I've ever seen! Wegman's is vastly superior in both quality and price, plus they have a ton of take-out options that far surpass what WF is able to offer. Wegman's cheese section alone was the size of the local Safeway near me. I am no thoroughly jealous and must find a way to get a Wegman's in my area, even if I have to bulldoze several schools and homeless shelters to do so.

7. Bars actually have happy hours. It's strange, but for some reason, the west coast doesn't have a lot of happy hour specials, and there aren't a lot of local pubs. Sure, there are bars, but not so much pubs. I like going clubbing, but I would definitely prefer to have a local, easy-going bar that has great drink specials, rather than just $1 off drinks for two hours.

8. I'm still preplexed about Chick-Fil-A. I just don't get it. It's a chicken fast food place. So what? I didn't think it was all that, but it seems like most people I meet who used to live in the area go absolutely nuts when they once again get access to a Chick-Fil-A. Not only does it have a horribly grammatically incorrect name, but the fact that it's so incorrect leave me suspect about the quality of their ingredients. Is it grade F chicken? I also don't understand the deal with Five Guys. To be fair, though, I haven't actually tried Five Guys. I just don't know any woman who reacts to it the way men do. Is it a guy thing?

9. There are wineries there? Yes. A lot of wineries. I thought this was extremely strange, but there are wineries all over the place, even in downtown Strattford. It's bizarre. Why do you never hear about Virginian wines? Could it be that they are horrible? I don't know. I need to explore this more.

10. If it ain't brick, don't fix it. It appears that nothing is built unless it has a brick front. Someone said it has something to do with the whole "colonial" appeal of the east coast. I like it, but it gets almost a little too much after a while. Plus it makes the directions of "turn left at the brick building at the corner" a confusing piece of information.

By the way, if anyone can explain the Virginian flag to me, and why the guy is holding a rather phallic flesh-colored sword, I'd appreciate it.

You Had Me and You Lost Me

2009-11-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

I assure you that this is not one of the seven signs. While I, for the most part, vastly disagree with hippies, every now and then I think they find a cause that is actually worth arguing for. Don't drop dead of a heart attack. I'm not agreeing with hippies. Just bear with me. This will make sense in a minute.

The problem with Berkeley hippies in particular is that they are kind of like the protestor who cried wolf. When you protest everything from the war in Iraq to faulty washing instructions on hand towels, it tends to tire out the public. I can't remember a weekend where there wasn't some kind of protest going on in the bay area. Thus, I just get tired. I tune out everything they're arguing about, even if it might happen to be something I'd normally care about.

But sometimes I forget. Sometimes something makes it through. This last week students from all over California stood up to protest tuition hikes at state run schools. I understand that universities need to raise tuition as the cost of running a school increases due to reallocations in the state budget, economic uncertainties, and declining enrollment. What I don't understand, however, is the 32% hike in tuition costs in ONE year. That's completely absurd. So, I found myself actually happy to see students from Los Angeles to Berkeley gathering en masse to protest those hikes. Finally, a protest I can agree with...one that actually makes some sense and has a hope of influencing someone who can actually make some changes.

Then the stupid, idiotic hippies at UC Berkeley just had to go and ruin what was a perfectly acceptable protest by locking themselves in one of the university buildings. In an instant they went from having my sympathy to being complete and total douche bags. Why do they always have to push it just a lot too far? Fifty students forced police to breach the building and arrest them on Friday night, all the while, more liberal hippie douchebags ranted and raved outside about police brutality (because apparently handcuffing someone is too brutal) and the man trying to keep them down. Because OF COURSE the police are maintaining order for no other purpose than to the further the agenda of the evil university panels.

*sigh*

I hate hippies.

Damn it, hippies, why on earth do you have to make everything such a battle? As my boyfriend's friend said, "We can't all afford to live in your hippie wonderland." You turned something that I was willing to support you on into something that I just can't stand to listen to any more. Well done, douchebags. Well done.

Anonymous Public Humiliation is Fun

2009-11-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

I have to thank my cousin for introducing me to a new website. It's stupid. It's immature. It's filled with duds and sheer genius. It's Texts From Last Night. Awesome. I'm probably the last person in the universe to find this site, but it's entertaining if nothing else. I think my favorite one on the main page right now is: "The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made." It fills the same empty space in me that horrible guilty pleasure reality shows do. Ah the shame. *embrace*

Buy It Quicklies!

2009-11-03T14:52:00.000-08:00

Staying home sick means that I am subjected to many strange and annoying commercials. Normally, one is bombarded with commercials for lawyers, ITT technical school, crappy nursing programs, and variety of CALL NOW or you'll miss the best deal EVER EVER EVER advertised EVER!!! It was during one of these commercials that I realized I have been living my life all wrong! Like a chump I've been going to restaurants, balls games, and picnics without having the Freedom Tray!

For only $19.95, I could have had a plastic tray that holds all my stuff! I could have been carting around my food, beverages, and other items without a care rather than clumsily trying to balance drinks, hot dogs, and nachos. That's not the best part, though! The best part is that I can carry it ANYWHERE because the legs fold down flat! I could have been putting my freedom fries on my Freedom Tray without the worry of spilling them on the ground because I was carrying too much other stuff! Plus, I could have been patriotic, because not only does it promote freedom, but it has a wonderful red, white, and blue theme! Wow!

From now on, there will be no more cheap recyclable cardboard trays provided by the vendor! No! Those could collapse on me without warning, and then where would I be!? I'd have nachos and beer all over me! I will get the not-so-compact Freedom Tray, get a gigantic beach bag, and carry it with me everywhere! Fantastic! Come on, America! Join me! It's only $19.95, plus if you buy two, you get a third one for FREE! How's THAT for freedom! And I love their motto, "God Bless America!"

Look for "exciting new features coming soon"! Eeeeep!!!! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it!

You Heard It Here First!

2009-11-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to point out how ahead of the game I am, or rather how ahead of the game Der Spiegel is! Because I read a trashy German website, I have brought you news that was cutting edge. For instance, I brought you the important issue of Nazi Gnomes in Germany back in July. Just last week, I saw my local news reporting on the very same thing. It's like they didn't have anything good to report on, so they hauled out Nazi Gnomes. But who gave you this useless news first!? ME!!!! And were did I get it?! Der Speigel!

Not only did I bring you the hot issues of Nazi Gnomes, but I thought about writing an article about terrorist groups in Afghanistan recruiting German citizens to join the jihad and migrate to Afghanistan. I first read about it in...you guessed it...Der Spiegel, and thought it was an interesting trend, and then I saw the same thing on my local news several weeks later. Granted, I didn't actually write about that, but I thought about writing about it, and that should count for something.

So, dear reader(s) (?), stick around for more edgy, ahead-of-its-time news right here on Aelel's Confounditorium. Even though it's been taking me a while to post anything, I'm still ahead of my local news. Is that sad or impressive? I choose impressive. Go me!

Losing It All

2009-10-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in the car listening to some morning talk show in a vain attempt to escape the ever pompous NPR. This morning show was talking about some guy who won the lottery in the 80's. He won the largest lottery payout ever up until that point, which was $5 million. Doesn't seem like a huge amount these days, but the guy chose to be paid $130,000 over 20 years. Not a bad salary. Well, the guy is now 81 and living in a trailer park, completely broke.

I just had to shake my head. I've never understood how people go from being mega-rich to bankrupt and alone. To me it must be a gross misspending of funds. You always hear about these musicians who end up broke and selling off all their possessions while trying to revive their careers through new crappy albums and "reunion tours" no one wants to go see. So, I thought, this guy beat the odds and won the freakin' lottery, and he has to end his life in a crappy trailer park? Weak. What went wrong?

Apparently, the guy went out with his friends a lot, bought dinner every time, helped his friends pay off various things, traveled all over the world, and did a bunch of other things I can't remember. I thought about how lonely this old guy must be sitting in his crappy little trailer after having the funds to have everything he wanted and live out his life in the lap of, if not luxury, at least comfort, then losing it all. How bitter he must feel. That's when I learned that people can continue surprise you.

The media interviewed this man and rather than spouting off about how angry he was or how life now completely sucked, he said rather the opposite. He said that he had used his money to enjoy life and help his friends. He traveled the world, saw things he never imagined seeing, and felt happy that he'd been able to help others. He was satisfied with his life, even if he ended up in a trailer park. No regrets whatsoever.

I absolutely love that. No whining. No regrets. He lived life to the fullest when he was able to and could life out the rest of his life content with the knowledge that he had lived. Fantastic. Makes me feel all warm inside. That people aren't always the greedy, selfish people you see on the news every day. Uh oh... is that blip of hope for humanity I'm feeling? Sweet.

Eggs with a Side of Guilt

2009-10-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

This morning, I stumbled into the little restaurant next door to my work, and say hi to the owner, Nancy, who says hi back to me. I expected to begin my normal barely coherent mumblings that somehow ends up in me getting food, but this morning was different. Nancy informed me that next Friday will be the restaurant's last day. She explained that her restaurant has lost 50% of its business since last year, and she couldn't afford to keep it going any more.

I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. A major grocery chain just moved in the area since last year, and, of course, a lot of people jumped ship to go there. The store quickly lost its shine, however, especially when breakfast is weighed by the pound. I refused to pay $6 for a couple scoops of egg. Then, directly across the street from Nancy's restaurant, opened the new place that is sucking half of my pay check into it's vortex of yumminess. This place bakes all of its stuff from scratch, and they have neat little computer kiosks where you can order and pay for your meal without having to talk to anyone at all. I just grab a pager and wait for my meal. Very cool. I've been there for the past three weeks, sometimes twice a day.

Already, though, I've been getting annoyed by the shiny beacon across the street, because I can't amend my order to have egg whites instead of full on eggs. So, I've been migrating back to Nancy's for breakfast. I've always wanted a place where I can walk in say hi to the owner and have them say, "Good morning! The usual?" I had that with Nancy's place, and now I feel bad that she's being forced to close, and worse that I may have contributed to it by my quest to have overpriced, fancy home-baked yumminess. The whole issue of the economy also hits home with this. Other than watching housing prices fall to something that I might be able to think about affording in the distant future, I haven't seen much in the way of negative consequences of the downturn. All I can say is: This Sucks!

I was sucked in by the shiny, sparkly goodness of bigger places, and now I feel bad that Nancy has to find a different job, and that her chef, Caesar, is going to be looking for work as well. I won't be able to light-heartedly make fun of the restaurant's name or of the thick Korean accents with my friends when they call out your order number (if it's busy). Most of all, I feel bad that a nice lady with a cute little business is going to have to start all over again in the middle of her life.

Nancy, I wish you the best.

You Don't KNOW Me! snap

2009-09-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the El Sobrante Stroll. What is that you say? That's exactly what I said. I'd never heard of this event although I've lived in the area for nearly a decade. Turns out there's a good reason why I haven't heard of the event. For the event, El Sobrante (which is right next door to the number 9 murder capital of the US, Richmond) closed down a section of the only major road they have. It is a tired town, mostly constructed of homes and businesses that were constructed in the '70's and never really kept up or remodeled. Everything is dark, the paint is peeling, and the roofs are sagging. The street fair wasn't much better. The booths represented a few banks, insurance companies, and a whole host of "crafts" that I can't imagine anyone wanting to buy. The highlight of the event was the bike ramp they put outside the bike shop where a professional duo did flips and tricks on their bikes for 20 minutes.

The "parade" they put on was equally sad. A few horses trotted down the road, a couple of elementary schools, a day care, two cheer squads from local high schools, two high school marching bands (one good, one consisting of 15 depressed looking kids), a dance team (who didn't dance), and a few floats sponsored by the Masons, Boy Scouts, and a couple others. The floats weren't so much floats as they were platforms with a couple of balloons, streamers, and a few kids thrown on the back. It was really depressing.

I knew the event was going to go well when an old skinny man whose clothes hung on his frail frame approached people telling everyone not to worry because he was sober. Fantastic. The crowd didn't get much better than that. A dentist could make a fortune in that town if anyone could afford dental care. I have never seen so many people with severe dental issues, mainly missing teeth...or is it teef? A few ladies stumbled around in what I can only describe as street walker shoes, kids seemed to be unsupervised, pitbulls were the dogs of choice. Most disturbing to me was the sheer amount of teenage parents I saw roaming around the event. There is absolutely no reason why in this day and age teens should end up pregnant. Planned Parenthood (PP) provides free condoms and services, sex education is mandatory in most schools, the Internet is lousy with information on responsible sex, and even if you can't get yourself to a PP, condoms are relatively cheap! Don't tell me you can't afford condoms when you're sucking down a Venti iced mocha from Starbucks. I just about fell over when I saw a girl in a cheerleader uniform walk down the street with her one year old child on her shoulders.

I still feel like a I can't afford a child, so how is it that these teenagers are managing to get by? Probably thanks to all of us, I'm sure. What's worse is that these kids weren't just walking around with shoddy strollers. Some of these kids were walking around with some rather expensive machinery. Watching all of these kids holding infants made me flash to Idiocracy. The educated and responsible people in the US are slowing down when it comes to having kids, often waiting until their 30's, while the ill-educated are popping out babies before they can even drive. Is it always going to be like this? It depresses me.

The Beatings Will Continue...

2009-09-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

Once a year, my work permits us to fill out a survey that evaluates our chain of command and our work environment. The company views it as a way for employees to air their grievances or express what's working well. I don't think anything useful is done with the information, other than to let management know what the "anonymous" results are, but at least, as an employee, you feel like you get to give your two cents. In the past, I have been immensely critical about aspects the company in general, and relatively lenient with my chain of command. This year, however, was a complete flip-flop for me.

As a former supervisor, I understand that the job sucks. Not just a little, but A LOT! It's not so much managing a program as it is baby-sitting everyone and trying to break up fights, while encouraging people to put in even 20 minutes of actual work every day. (surfing the Internet does not count as work, IMO) I have had serious conflicts with my supervisor this year, and it's not because my supervisor doesn't know the job. It's that my supervisor is the worst manager of personnel I've ever seen. Prone to favoritism, vanity, borderline harassment of employees, and rude, unprofessional behavior, my supervisor has no business managing people.

If you haven't stopped reading yet, this isn't a gripe-session about my supervisor (although it does appear that way so far). What I really want to stress is how companies have forgotten that there is more than just a bottom line. Employees matter, and nothing creates a successful company like happy and satisfied employees. This doesn't always mean you're making six figures or more, but it's more the idea that the company respects who you are, what you do, and how you contribute to the overall success of the company. Nothing will ruin a company faster than crushing the souls of its employees.

In my survey, I left a comment for the Big Cheese, stressing that employee morale isn't something that can just be ignored. When you aren't given any recognition, either verbal or otherwise, for the tireless work you do, there's something wrong. It's equally wrong when you see people who can barely function as human beings receive accolades for merely showing up at a larger event. My mom's work has a reward program where you can spend earned points in their store. And it's not just swag. My mom earns movie tickets, ipods, clothing, electronics, and a ton of things. If we're lucky enough to receive any sort of monetary award, it's immediately eaten in half by taxes. Most people have a ton of vacation to burn, so giving someone another two days off when they already can't use all of their leave in the year, isn't exactly a reward either.

I'm not saying reward programs are the answer. Certainly employee morale is not sky high at my mom's work either. It's about feeling like your company actually cares about you in some small way. Addressing small concerns, like fixing the air conditioner in my office, so I don't have to sit in a stuffy 90 degree office, sweating through my silk blouse until it leaves horrible wet marks on my back would be fantastic. I know, however, that I will continue to work in a chair that makes my back ache, sit in an office hotter than most small convection ovens, stare at a screen that is slightly fuzzy and gives me headaches, curse the 80's teal carpet that some misguided soul chose when I was just an infant, and listen to people berate my job class and its place in the company, because the company is too busy worrying about other things than keeping their employees happy. I think it says something when 13 of the 42 people I came into the company with quit within the first year, while another few have migrated to other positions within the company.

When will companies try and follow the Google way of life where they try hard to make the work environment a pleasant and encouraging place. Google has heated toilet seats, for cry out loud! HEATED toilet seats that sanitize themselves!!! My bathroom just smells like a mixture of urine, poo, and whatever someone just nuked in the microwave that shares an air vent with the bathroom. *sigh*

So Awkward

2009-09-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today I was in the elevator with a co-worker, and the doors were about to close when he got all weird and tried to stop the doors from closing. Normally, we'd do the Schadenfreude thing and leave the person standing outside while we laughed ourselves up to our floor, so naturally I was a bit confused. At the last second, he hit the "door open" button, which to my surprise, actually worked. In walked a rather cute and skinny woman. And it became clear. I had to shake my head a little.

The woman turned to my co-worker and thanked him. In what has to be the most awkward thing I've ever seen, my co-worker says in response, "Well, I like to hold the door for beautiful women." *cricket, cricket, cricket* She smiled what I thought was an embarrassed, "oh my god did he really just say that? I'm so creeped out" smile, but that my co-worker thought was a blushing, appreciative smile. All I know is that I was so uncomfortable that I had to witness my co-worker hitting on some poor, unsuspecting woman. I was equally uncomfortable by the horrible silence that followed that comment. I looked at the numbers, and realized we had 6 floors left to go in this painful silence, so I said, "is that why you never hold the door for me?" He awkwardly laughed. The girl awkwardly laughed. The doors parted, and she gratefully skittered out of the elevator.

When the doors closed, I looked at my co-worker like he was an idiot. Now, don't get me wrong. He's a relatively attractive guy. Not my type, but he's definitely not a total loss. I was just stunned to actually watch him in action. And I was amused that he actually thought it was a successful pitch. I tried to tell him that was a horrible fail, but he didn't seem to think so. He said, "If nothing else, I just made her day. Every girl likes to hear they're beautiful."

Guys, I'm here to tell you, that unless the girl is attracted to you right off the bat, telling a girl she's beautiful does not mean you've had a successful encounter. In fact, it could mean quite the opposite. I know that when I've had some guy I don't know and that I'm not attracted to tell me that, all I've felt is a little bit of revulsion and a lot of embarrassment. I didn't go home, and dream about the guy on the train or in the bar or in the elevator who told me I was beautiful in the attempt to get to know me better, take me on a date, rub my feet, and bring me breakfast in bed. All I picture is some creepy guy who wants to bed me and leave before the light of day graces my bedroom. I just can't believe that even a guy who I thought was totally normal is actually one of THOSE guys.

Guys, please, please, please think it over. There's got to be a way of hitting on a girl that doesn't come off as cheesy or creepy. I know you guys have a hard time of it, and women just pretty much have to sit back and wait for stuff to happen, but COME ON! Thank God, I don't have to play that game any more.

Well, Duh.

2009-08-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

I was watching the news tonight, thinking that it would update me with the important events in my area. While it did meagerly accomplish that, halfway through the program they must have run out of stuff to talk about, because the newscaster launched into the latest health scare: Are Flip-Flops Dangerous to Your Health? Idiots!!!!

Some retarded "scientists" in New York decided to walk around New York City wearing flip-flops all day. They then had those flip-flops examined at a lab. Well, any idiot can guess what they found: bacteria, fecal matter, and a host of other nasty stuff. Well, no duh, Mr. "Scientists". Have you ever bothered to look down at the sidewalk? How many times a day (if you live in a major city) are you stepping over or around piles of what you hope is dog poo, wet spots you can only pray is water, and homeless people who have who knows what disease. Bird poop, trash, motor oil, gum, coffee, sodas, discarded food... Ahhhh!!! What kind of an idiot are you to think that there wouldn't be a host of disease and ick on the bottom of your flip-flops, Mr. "Scientists". THIS IS NEWS!?!?!?! They cautioned people who have open sores on their feet not to wear flip-flops. >.< Ahhhhh!!!! It took thousands of years "technology" to discover this? Are sandals still okay? I don't know what to do! I'm just a feeble and helpless mainstream idiot!!!

Oh well, at least I got to listen to the "distinguished" newscaster have to say "flip-flop" a lot. Tee hee.

It's Definitely More of Something

2009-07-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

The other day I was intrigued by commercials for Hell's Kitchen where some new chef threw down with Chef Ramsey. I decided to tune in, and like most previews, I was intensely disappointed when nothing happened of interest. I just left it on the channel since I wasn't really looking for anything to watch anyway. As I messed around on my computer, the show ended and a new show began. More to Love. You know this one? It's basically The Bachelor for overweight women (and one man). I thought that this was going to be a train wreck, so I let it stay on that channel. Oh was I right.

It began with one 6'2", 300 lb man greeting 20 overweight women. The interaction between them wasn't particularly interesting, but the solo clips were hilarious. Almost every woman was a complete disaster. Their comments ranged from a teary, "I just want someone to like me for who's inside," to a sobbing "this is my last chance to find love." Really? You're 25 and your last chance for love is on some reality show? Draaaaaaaama! All of them bemoaned the fact that their skinny girlfriends were always asked out before them. Some said they'd never been on a date before. (Keep in mind they are at least in their 20's) Every single one of them said they hadn't found love because of their weight. It was an hour of chubby sobbing single women with zero self-esteem. Train.......wreck......

Now, I'll be the first to agree that most of the ueber hot guys in the world aren't going to beat down your door if you're a size 16, but that doesn't mean that a larger woman can't find love somewhere. I know lots of people who are larger who are dating or married happily. These women, however, blame their weight above all else. I will agree that those of us who aren't a size 6 will never win out over a model or former model. We just have to hope that they'll end up in loveless marriages and eventually gain 50 pounds that will all go their asses. I think that to blame your weight for a lack of love, however, is ridiculous. You just have to rely more on your personality than looks. Believe me, personality will always outlast looks. Besides, why would you want a guy who relies mainly on looks to choose his wife anyway. That just leads to red sports cars and 23-year-old mistresses at about age 45.

Would I watch this again? Probably not, unless I was really feeling down about myself and wanted to watch a dozen women with less self-esteem than I have just to make myself feel better. You know it's got to be bad when I think someone has low self-esteem. I have to say, though, that these ladies have kicked me right off the poster for low self-esteemers.

Do It Again! Do It Again!

2009-07-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

We recently got into Showtime's TUDORS. It is awesome! Of course, there's always the suspension of disbelief when you're dealing with historical figures, but Tudors is just plain fun, despite the historical inaccuracies. There's drama, intrigue, betrayal, sex, humor, and the delightfully expected unexpected. Plus, it has me on the Internet looking up things I'm unsure about. History lesson! Yay learning!

My boyfriend and I raced through seasons one and two on Netflix. (btw, I LOVE instant-view stuff on Netflix. LOVE IT!!!!) While I thought Anne was a stunning beauty, my boyfriend claimed to be unsure. I'm still not quite believing that. I loved the complexity and tragedy of Anne. I love that she was caught between truly loving the king and being pulled around by her loyalties to her family, the king, her country, and her own self-interests. It's truly one of the most entertaining series I've watched. The story line is intriguing, the costuming is beautiful...it's just great.

I do, however, have some anxiety about season 3. (which we are dying for, since it's not out on Netflix yet. AAAaaahhhh!!!!) I loved the story surrounding Anne. I felt they did an excellent job of playing up the relationship between Anne and Henry. I loved the passion, the dysfunction, and the believably of him wanting to dump his rather prim wife for her. I was not altogether pleased, however, about how the story surrounding Jane Seymour was introduced. There was little to no story development regarding the king's obsession with her, at least not like it was done with Anne. I know they tried a couple of things, but the story surrounding Anne was so mesmerizing that I really didn't care about Jane, and it seemed like the writers/producers didn't either. The king was all of a sudden obsessed with her, and she seems to have little to no personality (and not nearly as pretty). With Anne being killed at the of the second season and Jane probably the focus of season three, I feel like I'm being set up to be disappointed. It can't possibly be as good as the previous two seasons. Yet I crave a new season!

So, despite my trepidation surrounding season 3 (*sigh* I already miss Anne), I will do as my boyfriend always does when he wants another episode played and say, "Do It Again! Do It Again!!!" (please don't disappoint me!) (and oh yeah... Thank you Showtime for making a rather portly and ugly king absolute eye-candy. Yum.)

Nazi Gnome! Oh Noes!

2009-07-17T18:01:00.001-07:00

I knew it was only a matter of time before something made me want to sit up and write. I just didn't know it would take a Nazi-saluting golden gnome. An art gallery in Nuremberg, Germany, recently put the Nazi gnome you see here on display in its window. The artist displayed 700 of these gnomes in art exhibitions in Italy and abroad with little to no complaint. In Germany, however, where the Nazi party (or images/things associated with) is banned by their constitution, displaying symbols of banned organizations is illegal unless the party/organization is being criticized.

The Nuremberg police received an anonymous complaint against the artist and are currently deciding whether they will press charges. The artist clearly states that a golden Nazi gnome is a satire. The artist is currently being given time to prepare a statement for the prosecutor as to why he should not be charged with a crime.

Personally, where can I get one? How can some seriously think that a golden Nazi garden gnome isn't a satirical statement? Granted, I'm not particularly sure what the overall message is, other than to make the Nazi party look greedy and ridiculous, but it certainly doesn't seem to be supporting the Nazi party to me. In fact, I would have to agree with the artist who said that in 1942 Germany, the Nazi party would have arrested him for defamation.

So, I put it to you, dear reader. What do you think of the gnome? Pro-Nazi? Anti-Nazi? Or just plain LoL-tastic!?

Don't Worry

2009-07-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Faithful Fan: (I'm assuming I only have one, if I'm lucky.)

Do not despair that I have not had a new post in a while. I will be posting something soon. It's just been a rather slow summer for me, and I haven't had anything good or bad worth sharing here. Consider it a mid-summer break. I'll be back soon, however, with all of the useless, uninteresting stuff that you've come to expect and love.

Stay tuned, dear reader.

Aelel

It's a Freak Show!

2009-06-26T18:11:00.000-07:00

Not to jump on the Michael Jackson bandwagon, but there is just insanity I must comment on. While I will concede that MJ was a talented singer/dancer and helped to shape the world of modern music, let's not forget that he was a certified freak. The media frenzy that ensued yesterday only helped to reinforce his freak status. I was sitting around watching MSNBC yesterday, not my normal choice for news, but it was the only news program on that didn't have some ridiculous person yelling at the screen. Of course, they were covering MJ's death, and I admit that I was curious. Not shocked, because, I mean look at the man. It's not like he was the picture of good physical or mental health. Apparently, the network was having problems finding anyone of credibility to interview who was close to Michael, so they had some woman on who sorely needs to be mocked by Jon Stewart.

I'm not particularly sure who the woman was to Michael Jackson, but she claimed, of course, to be close to him. A "family friend". This woman was rather portly with messy hair and a rather unkempt appearance. You'd think she could tidy up for the camera, but whatever. She talked about how she was on the set of a video (forget which one) that Janet and Michael were filming. The reporter asked her about her favorite memory of Michael, and she launched into this wandering account of the set. Rather than discuss Michael, though, she spewed out this bizarre recollection of Janet and Michael baking cookies on the set for the crew, and how he loved the smell of freshly baked cookies...and how wonderful the cookies tasted...and how they smelled again.... Then she described how she loved chicken, and Michael had Popeye's Chicken brought in for her, and how the chicken and the cookies made her happy. (at this point, I'm wondering how I can get a hold of the Daily Show staff) After this bizarre account of the food, she went on to say how awesome it was that he hugged her on camera once and said he loved her, and that it was all caught on camera and the whole world saw it, and it was magical. o_0

I was fully expecting the reporter to stammer and wonder how to continue with the interview. Instead, he said that it was special that she was able to describe these kind moments where he made cookies for the crew. (what the hell was in these cookies?) She then said, "Well, Michael didn't actually make them. The chef did. But Michael and Janet pulled them out of the oven and handed them out. o_0 Gee.... how ..... special?

The whole show was a train wreck that I couldn't break away from. With the lack of people who were actually close to Michael, they interviewed a parade of people who just helped to confirm how much of a freak Michael actually was. They interviewed his former "spiritual adviser" who was some Rabbi who gave up on him, because he wouldn't "heal" himself. I'm sorry, but isn't it the job of a rabbi or a priest or other spiritual adviser to constantly struggle to help people? Maybe it was the fact that Michael was "allegedly" molesting little boys that caused the man to leave. Oh yeah...we're not talking about that. The Rabbi, of course, spouted about how he was Michael's closest friend, and blah, blah, blah. Seems the chicken and cookie lady said the same thing. After the Rabbi, they interviewed some strange guy in London who was titled as a "paranormal consultant". WTF is that? He claimed that he asked Michael tough questions about his life, and how close they were, and ... wait. It seems I've heard this somewhere before. The parade of inconsequential people continued. With the circus freaks that surrounded this man, how could he have a hope of being normal?

After they started interviewing the people who had gathered outside the Jackson family home in Gary, Indiana, I started tuning out. A: I don't understand why people feel the need to gather in places where MJ once appeared or lived or signed a star on a walk. I just don't get it. I've never understood strange roadside memorials of teddy bears either. B: The reporter claimed that the Jackson family put Gary, Indiana on the map. Oh. I thought that was the Music Man that featured the city and had a whole song about it, or the fact that it's a freakin' war zone. C: They renamed the street on which the Jackson family grew up from "Jackson Street", named after President Jackson, to "Jackson Family Road" (or something). I guess no one else but me has a problem with scrapping a President's name for a pop star's.

This afternoon CNN had some of his actual friends interviewed who really didn't help the situation much. I don't think anyone considers Liza the picture of normalcy, or Reverend Jackson or Liz Taylor. I can only anticipate the freakshow that will surely materialize in the coming days. Jon Stewart, if you aren't on this like white on rice, I'm going to be sorely disappointed. There's so much good material out there. Anyone else hungry for cookies?

Men are not Allergic to Mops

2009-06-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

I guess I've watched one too many commercials this week, because I have something else to discuss in the world of advertising. Women have been struggling for a long time to shed the idea that they are more than just babysitters and maids. Yet, TV ads continue to perpetuate the idea that housework is only meant for women. In order to "empower" women, advertisers have tried to show that a woman can be a professional and a mother...as well as a housekeeper. Rarely do you ever see a man in the kitchen scrubbing the counters or mopping. Men, I have news for you: A broom handle will not scald your skin. You, too, can pick up a mop or a Swiffer or a vacuum or, dare I say, a sponge.

In the last week, I've seen advertisements for Windex where some guy looks offended that he's been asked to clean the windows. I've seen women complain that her husband, kids, and dog track mud into her clean kitchen. There's Swiffer rescuing the stay-at-home mother, Bissell helping a mother clean the run (no comments please), Dawn making grease dissolve off the dishes the woman has to do, Miracle Gro making the woman's garden more vibrant.... It goes on and on. I'm tired of watching women clean everything, be offended that men are in the kitchen, and chase kids around wiping up after their grubby little mitts.

For once, I'd like to see a man in the kitchen scrubbing the dishes, having animated mops beckon to him, and running around the house trying to plug air fresheners into every outlet. I'm not saying that all men don't help around the house in real life, but I'd definitely like to see advertisers reflect that it's not just a woman's responsibility.

I Reach My Dolphins through Interpretative Dance

2009-06-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! *deep breath* Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! Have you seen the new Prius commercials?!? Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! I will admit to you that I have a huge fear and disgust of people in animal make-up. So when I saw the new Prius ads that feature people (and YIKES kids) dressed up as plant parts all gyrating together like they're one plant blowing in the wind, I think I almost pooped myself. Those horribly giggling kids are right out of a horror movie (imagine horrid high-pitched creepy kids singing la la lalala...) or from that sick woman's photographs of kids dressed as flowers. AAAAaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!! Unfortunately, someone thought this "performance piece" was brilliant and no doubt hippies the world over are rejoicing at the "naturalness" of the campaign. (stupid hippies) All I can do is take a defensive fetal position in the corner every time the commercial comes on, and I can't TiVo through it.

The question remains why? WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS TO UNSUSPECTING INNOCENTS LIKE MYSELF!? It's creepy. It's cruel. Someone needs to put an end to this horrible ad campaign. It's invading my peaceful dreams with its sick, dripping evil. eeeeep! I think I'm going to sick....

Harper's Island is to Die For!

2009-06-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

I was poking around Netflix one day, looking for something I could throw into my "instant view" list, when I stumbled across Harper's Island. I saw that it was set in the San Juan Islands of Washington State, so I thought, I'd give it a try. At least it would remind me of home. So happy that I did.

Harper's Island is a TV series that follows a wedding party who goes to a small island about 35 miles or so from Seattle. Seven years prior, that same island had seen tragedy as a psycho killer murdered six people, including the mother of one of the wedding guests. Well, before they even manage to get 20 feet into the Puget Sound, the murders began again. This time, however, it started with a guy tied to the bottom of the boat near the rudder, but kept alive via an air hose...until the boat started. Bwahahahaha. Is the same killer back again even though he was supposedly killed? Is there a copy cat? Is it one of the traumatized family members of the original murdered six who's gone a bit nuts?

Harper's Island is a delightful murder mystery romp with guests disappearing left and right during the first few episodes. Of course, there are so many guests no one notices anything at first, plus the killer helps out by sending a couple of text messages from his/her victims' phones.

I was disappointed that only six episodes were available online, until I discovered that the show is still on-going. In fact, episode #7 aired last Saturday on CBS. I'm looking forward to episode #8 tonight. It's definitely made it to my season pass TiVo list.

If you're into horror movies with a dash of mystery, you'll definitely like this. It's kind of like a thriller combined with a horror movie. And the best part is, few people are actually safe. Sure, the main character has to survive each episode, but even a couple of the people I thought were untouchable ended up sputched. And with episode titles like "Thrack, Splack, Sizzle" how can you go wrong? Give it a shot. You know all the shows you normally watch are on a summer hiatus anyway. :) Saturday nights at 9:00 on CBS. (they should pay me for this endorsement)

I'm So Ronery

2009-06-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have to ask. What the heck is up with North Korea? Have they (or rather Kim Jong Il) completely gone out of their minds? They lob a few missiles, set off a nuclear bomb, lob a few more missiles when the UN is deciding how to punish them, then they decide to put two American journalists "on trial". It's like the "dear leader" decided that no one has really been paying attention to him, and he had to stir things up.

North Korea is one of those countries that has it completely wrong. Who am I to say that? A human being. North Korea spends millions of dollars trying to develop a sub-par nuclear program, while its people are literally starving to death. They send "criminals" to forced labor camps when really their only crime is wanting to leave; they push people into military service by beating down their spirits and starving the populace. The country is slowly turning into a military society, because that's the only way people are even marginally take care of. For all their bluster about claiming to be a modern society, they don't even have the Internet, even for most of their own government work.

North Korea relies heavily upon the charity of other countries to survive. It's barely functioning infrastructure cannot survive much longer, and Kim Jong-Il refuses to acknowledge that his country is crumbling around him. That makes his attempts at trying to be a world super power even more pathetic. The sign of a great leader isn't the amount of military power he's able to amass, but the treatment of his people.

I'm not saying that Democracy is the only way to go. In fact, I think many different forms of government can survive quite well, but you must have strong and diplomatic leaders to stand them up. I can only hope that Kim Jong-Il won't remain the "dear leader" much longer, and that there will be someone who takes his place that is willing to open North Korea's borders, take care of the people, and step into a world role that will earn North Korea respect through diplomacy, rather than a perceived respect through fear.

Uncle Sam's Blanket

2009-05-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

Today my brother boarded a plane to Iraq. While I've known people who have gone to Iraq and even had a friend go to Afghanistan, it's quite a different thing when my only brother heads off in service to this country. Even though a part of me is terrified, I can't help but feel immense pride that he volunteered to go. Thousands of military personnel volunteer to go to a completely foreign country with the hope that they can make a difference for the people of the United States and to those who are oppressed, poor, tired, and afraid, all while putting themselves in the middle of people who wish them harm. Not to mention that they perform this duty when it is politically unpopular and the center of much controversy. Many don't even know why we're there any more or why we went there in the first place. Facing all of this takes a courage that most of us can't quite seem to manage, and so we should thank those who are brave enough to protect us all.

While I'm assured that living in one of the top 10 murder cities in the United States is actually more dangerous than where my brother is off to, I don't have to wear body armor (although maybe I should) when I go outside. I ask that you send up a small prayer or wish or plea that my brother comes home to us safely and please wish the same for everyone serving overseas.

Thanks to all of those who have served, are serving, or who will serve. You are a source of great national pride, and we owe you more than we could ever repay.

Someone Get the Hook

2009-05-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. It's been a while since my last post, but I haven't really had much that I've wanted to say. I haven't really found anything I want to write about either. Call it apathy or writer's block, but whatever it is, I've managed to find something to write about. Obama. Wait. Don't stop reading just yet.

Maybe I've been watching too much CNN or something, but I'm really getting tired of President Obama. As much as he's done in his short time in office, or rather tried to do, he doesn't seem to have figured out a very simple principle of the Presidency. People want to see you sometimes, but they don't want to you all the time. It seems like every time I turn on the news, there's President Obama again making yet another speech. It seems that Obama hasn't figured out that there is something as too much communication with the country.

It's admirable that he wants to make sure that the Presidency is an open book this time, but I believe his numerous speeches are actually hurting his presidency. I'm tired of hearing him talk about the economy and how we're all going to have to pitch in and how it's going to be a long road and blah, blah, blah. He sounds like a broken record. Maybe he needs a new speech writer or maybe he just needs to shut up and get back to his desk.

President Obama hasn't figured out that there are times when he just needs to close the door. That doesn't mean close the door, yet still have a entire news team in the office and a producer standing by. By being in the media too much and making too many speeches about the same thing, Obama has come to seem insincere, plastic, and tiresome. Obama needs to realize that there is a dignity in stepping out of the spotlight. Catering to the media constantly is something that should be left to idiots like Paris Hilton.

Teabagging is CNN Approved

2009-04-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd see the day when news casters around the nation would talk about "teabagging" on the air. Glorious day, indeed! The phrase, at least in the media, refers to "tea tax" protests that occurred on Tax Day, protesting government spending. Thanks to 12-year-olds-at-heart everywhere, though, news anchors had a field day with the phrase. CNN's Anderson Cooper got his bit in, saying "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging." Why, yes, Cooper. It most certainly must be. Not to be outdone MSNBC's David Shuster took it to a whole new level making numerous barely veiled jokes including this gem: "The protests amount to teabagging day for the right wing and they are going nuts for it." (omg, please watch the link. I think I peed a little.) He described the parties as simultaneously "full-throated" and "toothless," and continued: "They want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending." Shuster also noted how the protesters "whipped out" the demonstrations this past weekend. Holy cow....tears!

It's nice to see people embrace the ridiculous in life sometimes. It's a rare thing, indeed, when we get to see lightly-puckered news anchors let it all hang out. According to Shuster, "That's teabagging in a nutshell." *snicker* (omg, we're all 12)

Best Accident Ever

2009-04-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to work, minding my own business, when crash, bang...three car accident right next to me. Since no one else seemed to want to help them out, I ambled out to the street to see if people were okay. The person who caused the accident was shaken, (not stirred) but fine. The person who was rear-ended was fine AND hilarious. I walked up to her, and she got out of the car and started screaming, "You crazy-ass bitch!" (imagine her saying it in a super ghetto voice) followed by a long list of other colorful phrases and choice profanities. My favorite quote from her was, "Bitch! I'll kill you, and I'll think about it later!" Comedy gold. The best part was that she would calm down, then five minutes later start yelling obscenities again in this ever oscillating cycle. It was hard not to laugh.

The woman in the lead car, who was merely bumper tapped when the middle car was pushed into her, did nothing but cry and call people on her cell phone. Apparently, it didn't matter that she had a baby in backseat, who she didn't bother to check on even once. She called herself an ambulance and was eventually carted away in the ambulance, fully packaged on the backboard and everything. What a faker. She got bumper tapped! There wasn't even a dent on her car. There MIGHT have been a scratch, but that's it.

To continue the mayhem, when the police finally arrived 40 minutes later, they were interviewing the woman who was hit, and she apparently lost sight of the woman who hit her, because she looked right at the cop and started screaming, "where'd that bitch go!?" again including several other colorful profanities. Seriously, best...accident....ever! That's why this woman wins the honor of appearing on my quote board at work, where more and more people are now adopting the sentence, "I'll kill you, and I'll think about it later!" Try it on for size. You may just find it's just the right fit.

It's a Northwest Thing

2009-04-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

My brother recently introduced me to a most brilliant ad campaign currently going on in the Northwest. The ads are for Pemco, a Northwest insurance company. Yeah, I know...brilliant and insurance company together? Yes. I say to you yes. There are apparently TV and radio ads, then there's their webpage with extras. My brother waited while I watched a couple of the ads, and I swear I almost peed myself. The campaign's theme is "We're A Lot Like You". It's a satire of all the crazy things Northwesterners do, like camp in a torrential downpour, go shirtless in 50 degree weather, order horribly complex coffee creations, wear wool socks and Birkenstocks.... It may sound a little "meh" when I describe it, but I swear if you listen to any of it, you'll be rolling. I don't know if people outside of the area will understand or not, but it made me miss home an awful lot.

Okay, just tried it out with my East Coast-raised boyfriend, and apparently it IS, indeed, a Northwest thing. I'm going to sit here and chuckle over the profiles anyway. Cuz I'm a Northwesterner in my heart.

Oakland's Finest

2009-03-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

Every now and then tragedy strikes a community in way that resonates with everyone. Such was the case last Saturday when four Oakland police officers were killed in the line of duty. Sgts Ervin Romans, Mark Dunakin, Dan Sakai, and Officer John Hege gave their lives trying to remove a dangerous person from the streets of Oakland. Today was their memorial. An impressive 21,000 people including federal, state, and local officers from across the country and officers from other countries crowded the Oracle arena to show their respect and honor these brave officers. While every officer death hits a community, losing so many all at once has made a profound impact on the community.

Citizens of Oakland lined the streets outside of the arena to show their support for the fallen men and for law enforcement in general. Even many biker clubs in the area showed up to show their support, including one club who stood outside the procession of law enforcement into the arena holding huge flags in a sort of honor guard. In a city that has notoriously been at odds with its police force, it was finally nice to see a city come together and support the people who protect them. In fact, it was Oakland citizens who called 911 after the two motorcycle officers were shot, and another citizen who began CPR until paramedics could arrive.

Every Oakland officer was able to attend the services today thanks to the California Highway Patrol and Alameda County officers, along with a host of other departments who offered to patrol the streets of Oakland. The sheer amount of support astounds and touches me.

Today I hope everyone will take a moment and honor those men who so selflessly gave their lives protecting us.

Do I Have Superscript Above Me?

2009-03-22T11:17:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what it is about me, but I'm pretty sure I have some gigantic superscript board above my head that says, "I'd love to talk to you. Please approach me." Consistently, I have people stop me on the street and ask for directions or start up some inane conversation or most recently, tell me about their exodus from south Mexico. I even had a German couple (based on accent and some snippets of conversation) bypass someone else and literally run down the street after me to ask if I knew where the closest post office was.

The other day was a prime example. I went to Trader Joe's to pick up a couple of things and as I was perusing the vegetable section, some old guy shopping with his wife started a weird conversation revolving around my choice of shirt colors. After 5 minutes of chatting, because I didn't want to be rude, I shuffled off. I didn't even make it down the aisle before this 20-something Hispanic guy came up to me and told me my shirt was in the style of southern Mexico. (Funny, because I thought it was rather Mandarin in style, but whatever) This man proceeded to tell me that he was in the U.S. (supposedly legally) studying English for two years. I felt bad, because he was obviously desperate to talk to someone, but this man didn't have a cart, or a hand basket, and he wasn't carrying anything which I thought odd. He talked to me for at least 20 minutes, and as much as I wanted to flee, I didn't want to be rude. He finally gave me an out when he proposed that I help him with his English and in return he'd teach me Spanish. Yeah, no thanks. Gotta go.

So, I don't get it. There were literally 50 other people in that store, why did he pick me? Why did the old man pick me? Why did a German couple chase me down the street? Why do people feel that out of everyone on the street they want to walk up to me and ask for directions or chat about the weather or tell me WWII stories? And how can I prevent this beyond dressing like a deranged homeless person?

A Shining Beacon of What Not to Be

2009-03-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

When I'm on travel, I tend to watch a lot of CNN. I'm not really sure why this is. Maybe it's because it's very quiet in the morning and the TV is right in the middle of my room. I don't believe in having a TV in my bedroom at home, so I generally don't have it going in the morning. I also tend to watch a fair amount of CNN in the evening while I'm waiting for a colleague to get ready for dinner. And so it is that I come across Nancy Grace on a rather regular basis when I'm away.

Nancy Grace is a disgrace to humanity. She is what's wrong with the media all wrapped up in one nasty little package. What makes her disgusting is not just the bad traits in her, but the combination of those traits with the fact that she really does believe she's a good and righteous person. Now maybe she just throws on an act for the TV, but that's hard to believe. She's got the bitch role down too well.

Nancy Grace is a sensationalist. Clear and simple. She purposely tries to create drama where it doesn't need to be. One of her most obviously annoying things is that she tries to find mischief and controversy where it may not exist. Recently, I was watching a segment from her show, and she was discussing "the Tot Mom's" newest misadventure. (we'll get to the dumb nicknames in a minute) Apparently, several images were found that dated shortly after her daughter went missing that feature skeletons or skulls, plus a rose tattoo remarkably similar to one found near her daughter's remains. Yes, I can see how this would add some concern to the case, but Nancy spent a considerable amount of time discussing how it was completely disgusting that one of the pictures was two skeletons kissing. She went on and on about how disturbing those images were, when in fact, they were the tacky kinds of things you may see in those dispensers in the mall. Put in a quarter, get a crappy stick-on tattoo. Why spend so much time trying to convince us this is the worst thing she's ever seen, when most people are already disgusted with the mother? Surely two cartoon skeletons sharing a peck is not the most disturbing image the mother could have chosen to keep or the most disturbing image any of us have seen. Yet Nancy ranted on and on about how it was a horribly disturbing picture and anyone would be sick for wanting to possess it. Now, surely, it's entirely inappropriate for the mother to have this in this sort of situation, but to attack the picture itself? Come on. I've seen worse on the Disney Channel.

The truth is that Nancy Grace does a disservice to all of us. She's a rude, angry, self-absorbed, drama-whore, who only serves to make things in our society worse, not better. And don't get me started on the atrocious and obnoxious nicknames she gives to people, which only help to sensationalize issues. I'm always amazed when people call in and say how much they adore her. Are they watching the same thing I am? Nancy is not what we should admire. She's not a strong woman trying to report the facts of a case. She exploits the news and bends it to fit the angle she wants it to. When she has on "experts" or guests who don't agree with her, she quickly cuts them off to return the show to her point of view.

She's not what we should be or encourage or admire. She is what is wrong with us as media consumers. I can't help but feel disgusted whenever I see her on TV. I wish they would remove her segment, but it's way too popular for that, which is another disappointment. Apparently, America likes this woman. What does that say about us? Have we progressed to the point where we view everything as a spectacle? Where we think it's appropriate to lie, to bulldoze over people, to discount their opinions, to warp the truth to fit our own selfish dark desires, and take sadistic pleasure in the misery of others? It paints a sad and sorry picture for us all. I thought we had maybe gotten past the longing to see someone hanged in the town square before our eyes. Turns out we're really just hoping it will be presented in 3-D this time.

Eliza Dushku?....Yes, Please!

2009-03-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to come right out and admit. I'm totally gay for Eliza Dushku. That's right! She's on my list. If I ever decide to switch teams, she's going to be right at the top of my fantasy/stalk-you-until-you -decide-to-take-out -a-restraining-order list. Oh yeah.... I mean really... LOOK at her!

My fascination with Eliza began during her Buffy the Vampire Slayer run, where she played bad slayer, Faith. There was something alluring about her yin to Buffy's yang. She was dark, bad, and wild, where as Buffy was blonde, responsible, and basically good. When the Buffy series eventually ended, I was worried what would become of Eliza. The last I'd seen from her, she was doing that horrible cheer movie "Bring It On". I hoped that wasn't going to be the path she'd up on. Horrible movie after horrible movie.

Well, it turns out that wasn't her path. Most recently, she's ended up the star of the mediocre TV series Dollhouse. I've only seen a couple of episodes of Joss Whedon's newest attempt, but so far it appears to be just okay. It's certainly no Buffy or Firefly, but it's entertaining. If nothing else, Eliza Dushku gets to wear a series of shorter and tighter outfits, much like her Buffy days, plus a smattering of her skank dancing, also ala Buffy. So, yeah...I'd say Dollhouse is worth the time or at least TiVo.

The interesting thing about Dollhouse, if you aren't familiar with the show, is that it constantly changes Eliza's character. I missed the first couple of episodes, but basically, Eliza's character, Echo, volunteered to work for a company who specializes in custom requests. The company has the capability of basically programming each person they employ with whatever skill-set the customer requires. After the job is finished, they wipe the memory of the employee, and that person kind of goes into a vacant in-between state where they are kind of like blank slates. They just work out and whatever until their next assignment.

The basic premise of the show isn't horrible, but the over-obsessed FBI agent who just has to find out whether or not the rumors of the Dollhouse's existence are true just plain sucks. I smell something annoying developing. It should be enough to have a program where you can have almost any story line you want for each episode, but I think Joss may make the mistake of not having enough of a cohesive story line (other than the annoying FBI agent story line) to make the series feel like a fluid series rather than just a grouping of episodes. That continuing thread is part of what made Buffy and Firefly so awesome...that and irresistible characters.

I hope Dollhouse makes it, because I want the chance to gawk at Eliza Dushku on a weekly basis. Can you really blame me? Did you SEE her picture. Rawr!

A Chinese Democracy?

2009-03-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

Well, sort of.... I just saw one of the most interesting pieces of film. It's an hour long documentary called, "Please Vote for Me". It's set in China and follows the election of a third grade class monitor. It was the first time a class monitor had been chosen through an election. It was clear in the beginning that the kids didn't really know what a democracy was or how it worked, but they sure learned quickly.

Three candidates were chosen by the teachers. The children were allowed to choose one person from the three to be their class monitor. The class monitor helps regulate discipline in the classroom and assists the teacher. There were two boys and one girl chosen. It was extremely fascinating to get a glimpse into Chinese culture through this film. It wasn't always the big things that caught my eye, and it wasn't always the differences. Sometimes the similarities between our society and theirs is what got me thinking.

This documentary was a remarkable look at how elections progress. Without ever having participated in an election before, the children fell prey to some of the same things politicians fall prey to, as well as the voting populace. The kids made lists of each other's faults, they encouraged classmates to yell horrible things, they bribed their classmates, and they promised favors and assistant positions in exchange for votes. Seriously, you have to see this movie. It's a microcosm of a real U.S. election in the most fascinating of ways.

Not only was the election itself fascinating, but the parents were equally interesting. They wrote the speeches for their kids, they encouraged them to play dirty, they pushed their kids to win with such vigor that you'd think they were the ones running. It's like every over-involved parent you've ever seen.

Beyond all this was the background of Chinese life. Although there were only glimpses of it, it's touching to see the parents waiting outside of the schoolyard gate to walk their children home. Yet it's a little disturbing to see that some eight-year-old boy needs his stepfather to wipe his bottom. It's almost nice to see that there are as many parental disasters there as there are here. One boy had a mother and a stepfather. The other boy had both parents, both police officers. The girl had only her divorced mother, a school administrator. So much for the stable nuclear family.

There are so many things I could say about this movie, but I'd rather have a discussion with someone who's seen it. SO GO SEE IT! You can even stream it through Netflix right now. No waiting! It's 57 minutes of your life that I guarantee will make you walk away thinking. In a good way. :)

It's a Little Surprising

2009-02-24T19:30:00.001-08:00

I've spent a lot of time in airports this year, and there's something that I've noticed. Several times I've noticed random, ordinary people, go out of their way to say thank you to people in the Armed Forces. Most recently, I was sitting next to two men who, although they weren't wearing uniforms, most definitely stuck out as military. A very thin 40-something woman with a way-too-tight business suit actually got out of her seat on the plane moments before we taxied to ask the men if they were military. When they said yes, she went on for at least a minute thanking them for doing what she was too scared to do. It was odd, yet kind of touching.

This odd woman isn't the only one I've seen recognize a military person. I've seen several people who have approached military personnel in the airport and shook their hand, and thanked them for protecting our country. I'm all for the Armed Forces, but I've never gone up to someone and thanked them for their service.

Is this weird? Our society has always had mixed feelings about military members. we've thrown them parades and we've ignored their presence. You'd think that with the overwhelming negative feelings about the Iraq war, those feelings would bleed over to the military members, much like it did in Vietnam. Perhaps it's just because that I live in the damn hippie capital of the world that I think it's weird for people to actually thank military people. Damn hippies. All I see here is stupid Code Pink protesting the Marines, and banners hanging off of freeway overpasses impeding my commute. I'd like to see them live in this country without a military. Grumble....

I guess the second thing that is weird is that I've only see this occur in airports. Again, I have to wonder if I don't see this just because I live in this hippie hell.

Overall, I'm a sap, and I'm pretty darn touched by the overt expression of gratitude. I wonder how this makes the military members feel. Embarrased? Good? Respected? I just get kind of choked up when people put their lives on the line for others. It's admirable. :) Has anyone else seen this happen? Do I only see it in airports, because the Bay Area would rather die than thank someone in the military for giving the freedom of speech they heinously abuse?

They Say the First Week is the Hardest

2009-02-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well, kiddies, it's been one week since I lost my local BFF to a new job in a new place. I can tell you that it sucks some serious monkey brains. The office is quiet. It's lonely. But there is a bright side. The auditions for a new best buddy have been a success. There were those who nay-sayed...those who disapproved of my unconventional way of finding a new local buddy. To those who said it was tacky, I say HA!!!! Not only has it won me a new buddy to hang with, but I've gotten closer to several new people. This plan was a raging success. If you haven't tried it, I suggest that you do.

Sure, there were a couple of people who didn't get the joke, but that only helped me to realize that those people don't get me, so I'm better off sticking to those people who do. It will create longer and lasting friendships than just those passing acquaitances. I've never been one to need a long list of friends. I like having a short list of good friends I can count on. Better one good friend than 30 acquaitances, if you ask me.

My new friend-finding plan has met with such success that I have people who are recommending it to their significants who are BFF-less at the moment. All it takes is a well-drafted questionnaire, a few deep red roses, and a sense of humor. (and, of course, the sheer ballsiness to actually insist that people audition for your friendship) Heck, if nothing else, the questionnaire lets you find out a few things about your friends you may not have known. I found out that more people than I thought enjoy the guilty TV pleasure that is Tool Academy. I didn't know what that was until now, and it makes me feel a lot better about admitting my guilty TV pleasures, because few things can be as bad as Tool Academy.

So, without further delay... welcome my new local BFF, code name Cupcake. There will be future postings referring to her, so I'm sure you'll get to know her well. Enjoy!

I'm Disgusting. :(

2009-01-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

In October, I went for a rather long hike. A really long hike. I was, unfortunately, breaking in new shoes at the same time. I have no idea if this is the source of my problem, but I'm thinking that it has to be. After this hike, my two front toes became bruised, one much more so than the other. I was perplexed, because everything else was fine, it was just my big toes. I bought my shoes a size larger than normal to make room for cushy hiking socks and layers. I also made sure that even if I was arching my toes up, my toes didn't hit the top of my shoe. So, to have my toes become bruised makes me seriously wonder what the heck happened?

To make matters worse, my toes have yet to come back to normal. In fact, the severely bruised toe has recently started to hurt, especially when exposed to heat. Submerging it in hot water makes it throb, having it under the covers with the electric blanket makes it throb, sometimes too much time in the shower makes it throb. Recently, the stupid thing has decided to develop a spot that when touched or bumped emits sharp pain.

I am becoming increasingly angry at my toe. It's disgusting, becoming hollow under the nail in the middle, and makes it impossible to wear anything open toed. I wanted to make sure that my readers know that I am disgusting and in a bit of pain. Why? Because you must share in my misery. And, uh, if anyone has any suggestions for Disgusting Toe Syndrome, I'm willing to hear it. My boyfriend doesn't want to touch it, so I'm SOL there. :)

*not my actual toes in the picture, btw.

Friend Experiment #356

2009-01-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I've recently begun a search for a new best friend in my area. I have people here that I talk to, but soon, I will not have that best buddy you can tell anything to and still have a friend the next day. My current best bud finds it a little weird that I've begun shopping for a new friend before she's even left, but I have to be proactive about these things, so she can suck it. :) It's not to say that I can't have more than one close buddy, but I've discovered that it's hard enough finding one unselfish, smart, fun, non-flaky person in California, let alone two.

The purpose of this particular blog is to report my progress with the subject. So far, things are looking good. She's a work buddy, so we're able to do things around work hours. Since my current best buddy has spent a lot of time outside of the office on vacation recently, my subject has been spending time trying to distract me, which is pretty cool. We've gone for walks in the afternoons, so as to get away from our computers. We've also taken to eating lunch together and getting tea or coffee together in the afternoons. So far the experiment is going well.

Tonight, however, was a key turning point. She and I decided to grab a drink after work. We went to a local watering hole, ordered a beer, and chatted for an hour, before we realized that we couldn't have another drink, or at least she couldn't, because one of us had to drive. Since I didn't have a car today, that choice was easy.

Yes, I look forward to the future with my new buddy. I even have someone in the queue in case this doesn't work out. He said he'd audition for buddy status, which is good, since he's single, so he has time to invest in a new friendship, and he rents an awesome huge apartment with a view that is good for hosting parties I don't want to host, because that means I'd have to clean my place.

Stay in touch, dear reader, for the continuing saga of my forced friendship quest. :)

A New Beginning

2009-01-20T09:32:00.000-08:00

I went back and forth on my decision to vote for Obama. Not because I thought he'd be a bad president, but because I felt many were voting for him for the wrong reasons. In the past several weeks, however, I've felt better and better about his impending leadership. Finally, I'm looking forward to a presidency. Not because I'm hitching my wagon to a fickle thing like hope, but because we sometimes need someone who can inspire us. If nothing else, Obama has done that. Since he became President Elect, he has shown a remarkable calm and patience, which is refreshing compared to the panic and indecision we've seen in the past 8 years.

In Obama's inaugural address this morning, he spoke of many things, but I think what resonated most was that government is not the answer the our problems. Government is merely there as a servant of the people. It is all of us who will have to pick up this nation and make it what we wish it would be. It's not magical. It's not easy. It's a long and difficult process that requires personal sacrifice by us all. I must comment on the fact that not once did we hear anything about the "Axis of Evil" or anything remotely like that. Instead he said that we would be willing "to extend our hand to those who unclench their fist". Finally, maybe the world won't despise us, and I won't have to pretend I'm Canadian overseas, eh.

Following this inauguration, I think it is not what we have to say that makes it memorable, but what we don't have to say. There is a sense of calm and satisfaction that is simply felt. The nation has been holding its breath, waiting for the end of a dim era. Now it breathes.

How to Make it Work?

2009-01-19T16:13:00.001-08:00

Things are not like they were when I was little. I grew up in one small town (now turned pretty ghetto, or so I hear) where I knew my neighbors, and pretty much everyone else with school age kids in a 5 miles radius. Very few of us ever left. I graduated with most of the people I went to elementary school with. Many of us went to the same colleges, and we were usually back in the same area for Christmas.

As I've gotten older, however, that settled lifestyle seems to have changed. I couldn't tell you where most of my childhood friends ended up. For the most part, it doesn't feel like a loss. It feels more like growing up. What is troubling to me is that I'm an adult, and I find myself in an awkward position. Maybe it's just a by-product of my job, but it seems like no one can stay in one place anymore. My best friends are spread throughout the country now, which makes it difficult to keep them as my best friends. How close can you be when you only see each other once a year? It's not even like they're in the same area of the country. They are in Washington, Texas, D.C., Maryland, Arizona, and overseas. It's ridiculous. That doesn't even include my boyfriend's friends in Florida.

As I face the loss of my last good friend in the Bay Area, I find myself trying to figure it all out. Why can't we stay in one place? How can I maintain friendships when I will hardly ever get to see these people? Don't tell me there's email, Facebook, and Twitter, because really people.....it's just not the same as sitting down and sharing a beer or sinful shake and chatting it up. I doubt I'll ever live in the same area as my friends again.

Is this just the way it's going to be? People moving from place to place? It's no wonder that our society has a hard time connecting as a community. How do you connect with your community if you never really become a part of it?

I just hate finding myself alone again. Yes, I have my boyfriend who is super awesome, and a great comfort always, but that's a different kind of relationship than that of a friend. To try and fill the gap that is soon to happen, I've informed a girl at work that she will be my new friend. This is a forceful tactic, I agree, but we'll see how it works out. I've also considered holding friend auditions, ala South Park, but I'm afraid no one would show up. So we'll try this for now.

In the mean time, I continue to try and maintain close friendships that are now separated by thousands of miles, and contemplate what I'm going to do with the pile of board games I have that are now dusty.

What's a Little Rioting Among Friends?

2009-01-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

Ah, nothing says "F You, Government" more than a good old-fashioned riot. The people of Oakland haven't seen rioting in a good long time. Sure, there's been the occasional confrontation with police, and a whole lot of murder and mayhem in the streets of South Oakland, but a true riot? Now that's a dressin' up occasion. "Mah! Grab yer stick! It's riotin' time!" Yes, Oaklanders (and stupid wanna-be professional protesting Berkeley hippies), you can be sure that your message to the police took hold when you smashed the windows of local businesses and looted all their stuff. The same local businesses who help make your community what it is...who sell you goods, do your hair, keep your kids out of trouble by participating in community programs.

Indeed, the circumstances that have led to the riots are tragic. If you haven't been keeping up, I'm not sure where you've been hiding, but check it out. A man was fatally shot by a BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) cop while responding to a disturbance on one of the trains. Video taken by passengers during the shooting, clearly shows a BART officer shooting a man in the back who was already prone, with another officer restraining him. The reason for the shooting is unclear. Some have reported that the officer thought he was reaching for his taser, which is kept on the opposite side of the body from the gun. Others claim it was an assassination. Still others claim it was racially motivated (subject was Black, the officer White). Many others just wait for answers as the investigation continues. Whatever the reason, the officer resigned this week. It's a tragic situation, especially for the family of the deceased. He left behind a 4 year old child.

Despite the disturbing circumstances that led to the riots on Wednesday night following the funeral, it seems to me that rioting accomplishes nothing. As much as hippie protesters piss me off, sometimes there are good reasons for raising your voice. This is one of them. Raising your voice, however, does not mean set some poor person's car on fire and destroy a police cruiser as an appertif.

I just don't understand rioting, but it seems to be a worldwide favorite of those who wish to celebrate and/or of those who are angry. Soccer games, Super Bowl, war, Rodney King...it doesn't seem to matter what the reason is. People just like to riot and stampede. What's perplexing to me is not so much the rioting, because I see being mad enough at an establishment that you want to seek violent revenge (not advocating that by the way), but I don't understand how looting some old guy's book shop is going to accomplish your end goal. I especially don't see it when all you're doing is celebrating a sports even. "Yay! We won! Now let's go burn cars, break windows, and steal hair products from stores so that we can show our team how happy we are! YAY!"

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that we are all latently retarded. Somewhere inside of us there comes a time when a little switch flips, and we become instantly retarded. This only lasts long enough to grab a few TVs and beat a couple of old people, but that capability is in apparently even those most docile of us. This is evidenced by movies where nice people turn all barbaric to save those they love. I know. Awesome evidence, right? Movies wouldn't make it if it weren't true.

So enjoy looting Oakland, retards! I look forward to your imminent arrests and justifiable police beatings. :)

More New Stuffs

2009-01-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

Another present I got from a friend for Christmas is another super awesome refrigerator magnet set. This one is of a far different tone, however. This one is a build your own fortune....in Engrish. Awesome.

So yes people! ENJOY THE FUN! Happy fun for you make big joy! Sweet.

A New Feature

2009-01-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

My friend gave me a magnetic Haiku kit for my fridge. In honor of her gift to me, I will post my creations in a box on the right of my page. I commit to no particular time frame, but will endeavor to make sure that they do not get too completely stale. With a limited number of words, however, it will be a challenge to keep things fresh, but I am up to the challenge! I have removed the slightly naughty Valentine's themed words from my fridge in favor of this poetic art form. Enjoy, people! Enjoy....

It Feels a Little Bit Like Shame

2009-01-02T16:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, I must start out quoting Dodgeball. In the movie, Peter has quit the team due to depression and self-pity. He runs into Lance Armstrong in the airport who says he's been following the dodgeball tournament on ESPN 8 "The Ocho". (so awesome) When he finds out Peter is quitting he says, "Quit? You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?" Peter responds with, "Right now it feels a little bit like... shame." And that's where I am right now.

After a couple of months, I decided to check out my cousin's (not really, but am still unsure exactly what the official familial title should be) blog. She's extremely interesting to me, and I like to see what she's doing every now and then. Reading "nobeckettno" (named after her super cute bulldog. I want one.) has made me blush. Not because of racy comments, but because her blog is so freaking positive! She tends to write about awesome parties she's gone to, what she's into that day/week/hour, her awesome family, TV shows she's infatuated with, and any number of wonderful things.

I think about the overwhelming majority of negative blogs on my part, and I can't help but feel a little bit of shame. Now, there's nothing I like more than a good rant, but I also appreciate people taking the time to notice the beautiful little moments that may happen 50 times in a day that most of us ignore. My cousin-like-person is great at noticing those wonderful things, and she tends to take advantage of life in a way I've never been able to manage. Maybe it's just the different ways we were brought up. Her parents are super lovey, stable, super liberal, and easy-going, whereas mine are divorced, a bit tense, conservative, and a bit stand-offish. Not that they aren't really nice people in their own right (my dad gets cuter by the day), but we definitely never had the family dynamic that my cousin-like-person has enjoyed.

If I was the kind of person who actually made new year resolutions, I might be tempted to make a resolution to be more positive in a greater number of my blogs. Since I'm not one of those people, though, I'm going to decide to add a few more positive blogs, because I just happened to reach my moment of shame in early January.

So look forward, Dear Readers, to some fuzzy moments in the weeks and months to come. I'm trying something out, so if my positive blogs resemble someone who is trying to smile without ever having used those muscles before, you'll just have to forgive me. I'm a work in progress.

I Will Survive! (with several resurrections from my friends)

2009-01-01T13:45:00.000-08:00

I have been staunchly against first person shooters, mostly because they're all the same and more importantly they make me supremely nauseous. I have some motion sickness issues in video gaming that I first discovered with Descent. I spent three hours on the couch with a bottle of aspirin, water, and a bucket. Anyhoo...I've stayed away from the first person shooter thing, which has severely limited what I can play on xBox 360. I'm still not a fan, but I seem to have found a first person that I can handle. Left 4 Dead.

Don't ask me why. I have no idea. It's pretty much the same perspective that all first person shooters have, yet for some reason, i don't appear to need a bucket at hand just in case I have to zuke. Nope! I'm all good with this one. I have to believe that it's for the simple reason that I'm killing zombies. I like killing zombies. They are sputchy good fun. Unfortunately, though, these zombies defy some of the basic rules I have counted on for zombie survival. They are fast and they can climb. Not cool. One of my biggest survival tactics was to climb ladders. According to the linked guide, zombies aren't supposed to be able to climb. Apparently, they didn't meet these super fast versions. They'll need to write an updated version to include fast zombies.

Unfortunately for me (and my teammates), I'm not too good at first person shooters since I haven't played a lot. I hate the controls and wish desperately that I was playing off of a keyboard, rather than some awkward what-#@%$ing-button-do-I-push madness (as Valk can attest to since I have a rather nasty habit of shooting him rather than the zombies). I like the fact that I can join up to three other people in zombie-sputching fun. Granted, I kill less than others, but I'm going to improve that soon, I'm sure. In the mean time, my teammates will have to hear, "Uh, guys? Can someone help me up? I could use a little CPR here or something. I'm not feelin' so good...."

Come on, people! Let's kill us some zombies!

Is It Still Pretty at 16 Inches?

2009-01-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

I decided to go home to Seattle for the holidays, and I just barely made it in before the entire airport and city shut down for a couple of days. While the East Coast was walking around with mild temperatures and sun, the Northwest was blanketed in white stuff. Yup. Snow. Where is the justice in that?

Since my mother is seriously phobic of snow, she wouldn't come get me from the airport, so I had to take a shuttle to her house. Because of the accumulation, however, the shuttle would only drop me at a hotel that was right off the freeway, about 5 miles or more from my mom's house. The side streets were already bad after a couple of days of snow and no melt relief. If you've never experienced Northwest snow, it's generally wet, starts to melt a little, then freezes and creates a layer of ice that people skate on for a day or two. The temperature warms up, it turns to slush and is reduced to black ice the next day where it finally melts and everyone is free to do what they want without worrying about the weather.

Not this time, though. The temperatures were not getting high enough during the day to melt the snow, Seattle had already loaned Spokane several plows because they were trapped, there was not enough de-icer at the airport, and those plows that remained were working to keep the major roads open, not minor roads. So, there i was trapped with a Rainman-esque driver who wouldn't shut up about the snow and various other topics, and kept apologizing for not being able to drop me at my mom's door because it wasn't his fault it was the company's it wasn't anything against me personally the company just wanted all of us to be safe because being safe it what it's all about and if we're not safe then he's not doing his job to keep us all safe and the company really wants us all to be safe and if you can see the snow on the ground then you know it's not safe. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FOR TWO HOURS!!!!!!

After crying to my mom's friend to come get me, I finally made it to my mom's house, only to be snowed in for the next three days. We probably could have made it out, but the one time we did on the third day, my mom was so panicked about the 5 inch high compacted snow and ice in the parking lots, that we only managed to make it to Best Buy (needed present), Fred Meyer (curse you for not being in California), and the post office. Even that was a stretch. We walked to Safeway and Applebee's in about 8 inches of snow the first day. Went stir crazy the second. I shoveled my mom's driveway and her neighbor's on the next three consecutive days, built a snowman and snow kitty, and pretty much went stark raving mad for the next three. My brother managed to make it up for Christmas Eve, but other than that, I saw very few people other than my mom. Yeah, she's great, but 6 days of being snowed in together tends to wear on one. After all was said and done, on Christmas night we had approximately 16 inches of the white stuff in yard.

Thanks to my brother, I managed to make it to my father's the day after Christmas, when it finally started to melt. My dad got considerably less than my mother, so by the 28th, there was very little snow anywhere. Just some stacked up at the side of the road and in parking lots, and a few little patches on the lawn. It was my first and only chance to get together with my friends. I stuffed as many as I could into one day, which was great, but still not enough time. The neighborhoods up north were still very slushy, with only a couple of ruts formed that most people were driving in, so that they could escape their bonds and actually get to the store. When I picked my friend up, I thought we might actually get stuck in her little neighborhood. Thank God for four wheel drive.

I had a lot of time to contemplate what is too much. I thought it was all very pretty, but after having to cancel a hair appointment and a massage (although, I still think i could have made it if my mom weren't so phobic), I was pretty annoyed. I love snow. I think it's beautiful, quiet, and one of God's great creations, but I guess it loses something when there's sixteen inches outside, and you're shoveling two driveways for the third time. This long of a cold stretch is unheard of in Seattle, and rather inconvenient since it's not flat like most of the midwest. It's San Francisco steep in a lot of places, which means you're not going anywhere until a plow and sander and Mother Nature wearing a bikini and holding a tropical drink get to your neighborhood. Apparently, the last time there was that much snow was some 50 years ago or something like that. I stopped listening to the constant weather reports and commentaries that my mom and dad both seemed to need to watch about 15 hours a day. In the end, however, what I've decided is that, like most things, 16 inches is painful, but a bit less is quite nice. :)

It's What Heaven Smells Like

2008-12-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

I've recently had the intense privilege of enjoying the hands down best meal of my life. Who ever thought that meal would exist at a small steakhouse in Tampa, Florida? What does Tampa have to offer in terms of steak? Well, Bern's Steakhouse offers the best cut of meat I've ever enjoyed.

The restaurant has a southern gothic feel to it, with velvet couches in the lounge, stately portraits on the walls, and soft lit chandeliers and sconces to enhance the setting. This is not a place you go to if you haven't budgeted at least 3 hours and about $200, but it's so completely worth it. The attention to detail in both food and service is incredible. Maxator claims that Valkire told him to go to some steakhouse called Crazy Charlie's or some ridiculous name when he was in Tampa a couple of years ago. I can most definitely say, that Valkire, being aware of this place, would never have sent someone anywhere else.

Adam, our incredible server, offered to walk us through the 18 page menu and the 1 1/2 inch think wine list (that included wines from the 1700's....Bern's boasts the largest wine collection in the world with only one French restaurant offering any sort of challenge), but we did our research and knew what we wanted. We ordered a $50 bottle of wine (that was set to decant on our table) and a 14 oz chateaubriand to share. The meal came with french onion soup (which I don't even like, but this was amazing), house salad (upgraded for $10 more to a handmade caesar), farm grown organic veggies, french fried onion straws, and a baked potato with all the fixin's for $62. Adam made our salad right at the table, and it was to die for. Best caesar I've ever had.

By the time our steak arrived, I was practically drooling. It was by far the best cut of meat I've had. It practically melted in my mouth. They offer various dipping sauces, but there is no way I'd ever get a sauce near this piece of perfection. It was so good I asked the waiter if there was a room where I might get some alone time with my steak. I almost cried, it was that good.

I was amazed at how reasonable the meal was. All in all with everything described above, a mojito, and 12% of the tip included, the bill came to $157. We added some tip on top of it, of course, but one could easily get out of there for under $100 for a meal for two if you cut out the wine and the upgrade to caesar. It was more than enough food. I definitely did not walk away hungry. Not into steak? They have lots of other options on the menu. You're sure to find something you want.

After the meal, our waiter escorted us through the kitchen (this is most definitely what heaven smells like) where everything was stainless steel and sparkling. He led us to the incredible wine cellar and gave us a great tour. Afterwards, he dropped us off at the dessert room. We ordered a chocolate chip cookie souffle that came with hot fudge and a scoop of Bailey's ice cream. Holy cow, was that souffle good. Hot, melty, awesomeness. Valkire ordered some 34 year-old cognac, that was apparently very good, and I ordered a coffee. We walked out of there for $33. All in all, not too bad.

We learned that the waitstaff must undergo a rigorous training, that involves working on the organic farm, serving as dish washers in the kitchen, and then moving from the dessert room to the bar. After about a year and a half, they are finally given their red tie and allowed to serve meals in the dining room. After their worth is determined, they may eventually earn the black tie that heralds them as an expert and veteran. The competition is fierce, and only the best seem to rise to the top. They are courteous and knowledgeable, capable of giving you advice on everything from steaks, to seafood, to their impressive selection of wines. The meal may have been fantastic, but I'm sure you'd agree that even the best meal can become bad when a server is horrible.

It was just a wonderful experience from beginning to end. If you're ever in Tampa, you absolutely MUST go to Bern's. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Grab Your Pitch Forks and Torches! Mob's on!!!

2008-11-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

The world took notice when a 13-year-old girl committed suicide. Megan Meier was the victim of an aggressive cyber bully who apparently drove her to take her own life. Megan met the "boy" on MySpace and began an on-line relationship. What she didn't know was that the "boy" was really the mother of a girl who lived down the block from her. The woman purposely sought Megan out with the intent of humiliating the girl. Why? Apparently, Megan called the woman's daughter some names. Lori Drew, the mother, collaborated with her daughter and another individual to gain Megan's trust, then horribly violate it. Drew's daughter was aware that Megan had a history of depression, was on medication, and had expressed suicidal thoughts before. Did this stop any of them? No. In fact, one of the last messages (which Drew claims she didn't send, but her daughter did) was to tell Megan that "the world would be better off without you."

Lori Drew was eventually arrested and faced charges for her role in Megan's suicide. Drew faced one count of conspiracy and three felony counts of accessing a computer without authorization. Why the prosecution didn't try her for a non-cyber related crime is a mystery to me. Yesterday, Drew was convicted on three counts of accessing computers without authorization, but not on felony charges. They convicted her of a misdemeanor. A MISDEMEANOR!!! What the hell? That's nothing! She'll probably NEVER see jail time.

I don't care if people believe she was responsible for Megan's death or not, the woman is an adult and should never have sunk so low as to harass a 13-year-old girl. There's a reason why you have to be a certain age to vote, to drive, to have lower insurance rates...it's because society assumes you're going to be more mature as an adult than as a child. She violated a child's trust in a most despicable way. She posed as a 16-year-old boy, formed a romantic relationship with Megan, engaged in soft cyber-sex, then cruelly dumped her and threatened to distribute their private conversations to everyone in her school. This woman should face jail time...serious jail time, not just a paltry misdemeanor. She may not have killed Megan, but she did mentally assault a disturbed young girl with a history of medically treated depression. Drew actions were beyond irresponsible, and, frankly, sicken me.

Join me in grabbing a pitchfork, torch, or club and so that we may form an angry mob to protest this modern monster that will now be allowed to roam freely on our streets. In the mean time, I'm going to grab a bucket because I think I may barf.

XOXO XbOX

2008-11-23T20:22:00.001-08:00

After years of grumbling about the fact that I don't need an xBox 360, I finally found a reason to be happy about the hunk of plastic in my living room. The first one is the downloadable game Boundin' Bunnies (or something like that). It's basically Bubble Bobble with dancing bunnies. It's addicting, it's cute enough that I'm happy, and I think it just may last forever. YAY! I love the bunnies, despite the fact that they are sole reason for my eye strain that my optometrist yelled at me about. I tried to explain the addiction of the bunnies, but I earned only a stern look and a bottle of eyedrops.

More importantly, though, is an awesome feature available in the new update for the 360. I can now watch Netflix movies instantly through my xBox. It only applies to movies you can view instantly (which out of 80 movies in my queue was about 15), but still. I'm a happy camper. In the past, I've only been allowed 3 movies at a time, and I'm horrible about getting them back in the mail. You'd think it would be relatively easy for me to just put the stupid pre-paid envelope in the mailbox, but I have to use a blue box, and I often forget to grab the movies on the way out the door. Now, I can actually feel like I'm using my Netflix subscription to the fullest. In addition to the three dvds I'm allowed, I can watch as many insta-view movies as I want. I love it. I got a bunch of girlie movies out of the way that I know my significant would never want to watch.

Between the bunnies and the Netflix, I'm one happy camper and am no longer contemplating using my xBox as a door-prop. For now it's nothing but hearts in my eyes until the bunnies start plaguing my dreams and Netflix finds another way to screw me. Happy, happy. Joy, joy. :)

Santa Gets a Tummy Tuck

2008-11-12T21:31:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've read a plethora of articles about Christmas events being toned down or all out canceled. Businesses who hire out Santas have reported a severe lack of reservations this holiday season. Rather than Santa having 5 jolly elves, there may only be 1 or 2. Where Santa used to be a fat, jolly guy with a beard, you may have to settle for a thinner version who reeks of alcohol or perhaps pungent pot. Towns all over the US (and several from the UK) are struggling with putting on their traditional holiday celebrations. Towns can't afford to light their Christmas lights or fill their holiday helium blow-up Santas, sleighs, and other characters. Events that have long been a standing tradition have been canceled.

Yes, my friends (McCain homage), times are tough, but I have to wonder how much of this scrooginess is actually legitimate. Gas prices have gone down, the housing market is starting to rebound, and while the stock market still looks like a graphical representation of my enthusiasm for video games right now, many people (especially younger people) are still spending much in the same way as always. I understand losing corporate funding for displays, but there are ways to get around that.

What concerns me the most is that towns are allowing these events to be canceled or horribly modified just when people need it most. It's like we're all a bunch of abused orphans living in a grey world where the powers that be put a Charlie Brown Christmas tree in front of us and say, "Enjoy, you little ingrates." Well, all I have to say to that is, "Please, sir, might have more?!" It doesn't matter if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or the winter solstice, everyone likes little glowing lights. There's something about little glowing lights, snowflake decorations, and stupid fat smiling santas in windows that make people feel calm, peaceful, and happy. While it's great to celebrate in style when you have money, it's even more important to celebrate in style when you don't. Nothing picks up people like the quiet glow of lights. To cancel tree lighting ceremonies or other displays only serves to perpetuate the gloom that has settled over our country.

If your community is one of the unfortunate ones that plans on cutting back this season, fight back! Find someone to help fund it, or raise the funds yourself. People continue to go to Starbucks every day, but a town of 50,000 can't raise enough money to pay for a light display? There's just something wrong about that. Even if your town can't get the money together, there's nothing to say that you and your neighbors can't team up to put on your own neighborhood display. Charge people canned foods or monetary donations to help support your community. Not only will you bring people joy, but you'll bond with your neighbors, form closer community ties, and give to those who truly need it. What could be more representative of the season (other than really fat santas and obnoxiously jolly elves)?

What is Wrong with Game Designers?

2008-11-10T23:13:00.000-08:00

Today, I had the overwhelming need to get a new game. In desperation (and because I had no desire to leave my couch), I browsed through xBox Live to see if there were any good downloads available. While browsing, I stumbled across the demo for Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. I couldn't hit the "download" button fast enough. I have been waiting for YEARS for Banjo to come back. I LOVED the Nintendo 64 game. I think I may have played through it twice, which is completely unusual for me.

I saw Banjo's familiar face, heard the same music... I was SO READY. The moment I entered the game, however, I felt my excitement turn into horrid disappointment. This Banjo is nothing like the old Banjo. This banjo has you running around a world collecting crap so that you can build custom cars, tanks, planes, and other such nonsense to accomplish some lame mission. It's barely anything like the old Banjo.

Damnit Rare!!! What is wrong with you???!?! How could you kill a perfectly good game? This game should be like Mario games. You expect to run around, do some annoying jumping, collect misc. crap, and smash the same enemies you smashed in the last five games, only this time the backgrounds are different, and you might get a spiffy new weapon. Ratchet and Clank figured this out. Why can't you?!?!? There's a reason why people were nuts about the first game (and the DS version which I didn't get to play for lack of a DS). Why change something that obviously worked? Throw some new levels down, give me a banana gun or something if you must change something, and let me loose!

This game is just another in a long line of disappointing sequels. Even mendax was disappointed in the long awaited Fable 2. Maxator felt let down by Gears of War 2. Pretty, but no substance. It's like dating a super model, only you expected her to be able to read above a forth grade level. Pretty, but dumb doesn't make for a lasting relationship. Banjo can't just throw wonderfully rendered water at me and say, "look! Aren't I pretty? Don't you love me?" NO! I can't love you. I much prefer your ugly N64 version. As a gamer, (yes, Maxator, even a casual [gasp and shame] like me) I am so let down by games this year. I've been waiting sooooo long for something good to come out. Now, I have to wait for Resident Evil 5, and that's so far away. The only thing even close to something I want is Animal Crossing, and that's more due to sheer nostalgia than anything else.

What's wrong with you stupid game designers? Can't you make anything with substance? Can't you make anything other than some easy-to-design shooter? What happened to creativity? What happened to a story line that you didn't just rip off from history?

I picked up Silent Hill: Homecoming today, because I couldn't find anything else that I really wanted to play. In the past, I haven't played the games, because the controls were horrible, and, frankly, it's scary. I love scary things, but scary combined with lack of control equals me in a corner getting eaten by some undead thing. I was really hoping to find a copy of Fatal Frame (another game I had problems playing in the past due to the freak factor), but that's harder than finding a healthy squirrel in a toxic waste dump. I thought I would be able to find a copy of the newest Fatal Frame, but apparently, that's still a Japan-only release. I haven't been able to find a release date for the US yet. Anyway, Silent Hill is predictably creepy, but at least they knew to stick to a good thing.

I have little hope that games will get better in the coming year. Everything, even the movies, seems to be stuck in the sequel mode, and they keep screwing it up. None of them are as good as the previous one. It's like gamers and writers forgot to think for themselves. I'd rather they release a whole new game I could get into rather than butcher the beloved games of the past. Designers need to remember that a creative game with a good story line is better than all of the eye candy they can throw. Sooner or later you and your eye candy game will run out of things to talk about, and that's when it gets really awkward.

Death of Seattle Icon

2008-11-07T19:27:00.000-08:00

There are some things that define Seattle to rest of the nation, and some things that define Seattle to those who live there. The nation thinks of the Space Needle, Pike Place Market, and Mount Rainier. While Washingtonians think of things, there are local legends that embody the area, like the Wheedle on the Needle (who was regrettably replaced as the Seattle Supersonics [now some horrible Oklahoma team] mascot by the Sasquatch when they discovered that Weedles are dunking impaired). Another legend, however, was an unassuming man known by most as The Tuba Man.

Few knew the Tuba Man's real name, but most in the Seattle area know who he is, or rather was. Ed McMichael died this last week as the result of an unwarranted attack. Five teenagers attacked him, and after being discharged from the hospital, he died several days later. The Tuba Man was only 53 years old.

Those of you who have not lived in or near Seattle may be wondering why this man was a Seattle icon. The Tuba Man was a fixture at many Seattle events. He would show up to events at the Seattle Center, the Opera House, and the various sporting arenas in the area. Unlike many street performers, the Tuba Man wasn't pushy or obnoxious. He didn't beg for change. He wasn't angry. He just did what he loved, which was playing the tuba. He wasn't like some awful Bay Area street performer who plays only a few emo songs on the guitar just to hear themselves sing/play or like the crazy violin guy who plays the violin wildly to music apparently only he can hear.

The Tuba Man played happy songs when your team won, and sad songs when your team lost. He took requests, even if you didn't pay him for it, and he did it without complaint. He could play almost anything, which he'd normally do it in some whimsical hat. I recently found out that he was principal tubist for the Bellevue Philharmonic for 10 years before he grew bored and decided to make his living playing for everyone. The Tuba Man was there when I went to my first concert in Seattle without my mom. He was there when my friend and I thought we could stay awake through the second cycle of The Ring at the Seattle Opera House. He was just one those people who makes you smile, and who makes an impression.

The Tuba Man represented the tone Seattle of for me. Sure everyone has an affinity for their home area, but Seattle truly is just a little bit different. Despite the overcast skies, and more than their fair share of rain, Seattlites remain kind to each other, personable and open. There's a cohesiveness in Seattle that is felt even by strangers who visit the area, as my neighbors can now attest to. They recently visited Seattle for the first time. One of their first comments to me after they raved about the scenery, was to rave about the people in Seattle.

And so it is appropriate, and of little surprise, that thousands of people in Seattle now mourn this man everyone knew, even if they didn't know his name. I'm glad to see that Seattle is taking an interest. KOMO, a local station, has teamed with Bank of America to establish a memorial fund for Ed McMichael. The memorial will be used to cover funeral costs, and hopefully build a permanent memorial.

This week I join my fellow Washingtonians (despite my CA transplant status at the moment) in mourning a man who made this life just a little bit better through the sweet tones of lone tuba. He'll be truly missed.

Hallo-weenie

2008-11-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

This year I decided to enter my building's carving contest. There were five categories: scariest, cutest, best carved, most creative, and best dressed. My entry is the picture you see featured here. Shoe in, right? WRONG! I was completely robbed. I conceded cutest, because there was a super cute bumble bee pumpkin, although technically it wasn't carved...it was dressed and painted. The "best carved" winner CHEATED! You weren't allowed to use a pattern, and I'm absolutely sure this person used a pattern; either that or they're a professional pumpkin carver, which is still cheating if you ask me. It doesn't matter that I totally stole my idea from someone else, almost down to the last detail. I still carved it myself without a stick on pattern. I didn't win anything. Not even scariest. Some lame pumpkin witch with construction paper hair won scariest. I call BS!

And thus began my lame Halloween. I should really correct that. It wasn't so much that my Halloween was lame, it's more that everyone else around here sucks. I really look forward to Halloween, as anyone who knows me should know. It kills me that I don't have a yard to decorate, but I compensated by hanging lights, putting stuff on my stairs, and decorating every surface in my home. I've been waiting for weeks now for someone in the neighborhood to put a bunch of stuff out. Apparently, no one does that, because there wasn't a single house within 5 blocks of my home that had any decorations set out. I saw a couple of window clings, and one house with bloody handprints on the windows, but that was it! What happened to those awesome neighborhood displays that everyone loved? I didn't even get ONE trick-or-treater. Granted, I wasn't home during prime trick-or-treating time, but I did leave the house around that time, and I didn't see a single kid in costume on the streets. Actually, I take that back. I saw one group, but they were down on the main street, which I couldn't figure out, because it's just businesses.

No one at work dressed up. I was the only one in the entire office to wear anything, and all I wore was a conservative school girl-type skirt and blouse with devil horns. I was also the only one in my office to participate in the pumpkin carving contest. Where is everyone's holiday spirit? The news said that sales on Halloween items were up. If that's true, then where are the decorations, the costumes, and the candy? I went out to the post-Halloween sales yesterday, and there was a man there with his son. The son wanted to buy more candy that was on sale, but the dad said no, because they had tons of candy at home since they didn't have any trick-or-treaters. Is this the death of a once great holiday or do I just live in a horrible area for trick-or-treating? City kids don't trick-or-treat? Just when Germany discovers Halloween, Americans are dropping it.

What's even worse about this whole night, is that I heard that the Castro bars were open this year. Last year, they were shut down in an attempt to rid the city of the famous Castro Halloween party. Something about people being killed, I guess. That was the best party in the area, though! I have no idea how it turned out this year, because I only found out that the bars were open by watching the news when I got home from work. That wasn't enough time to get a kick-butt costume together to head out there. And yes, you pretty much NEED a costume if you're going to enter the Castro on Halloween. It's probably the best display of creative costumes I've seen. And if you get out of there before midnight, your chances of being stabbed or shot are almost nil. I'm so darn ticked I missed the thing. Next year, though, I'm there.

All in all, Halloween was just a disappointment, not because of my activities, but because of the lack of activities from others. Even most of the businesses in the area didn't bother to decorate. In fact, you'd hardly know it had been Halloween at all, and that's just sad. I so need to move to suburbia. (Halloween is still alive there, isn't it? Oh please tell me it is... PLEASE?!!!)

Ouch

2008-10-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend I participated in a 24-hour training for my search and rescue team. We were allowed to take a backpack, but we were not allowed to take a sleeping bag or tent. For shelters, we were supposed to rely upon emergency supplies like tarps or a bivy. Our packs couldn't be over 35 pounds (preferably 20), so trying to decide what to take was frustrating. Half of my pack seemed to be clothes, because I had to plan for a rather hot day, and what was sure to be a night at 50 degrees or lower with no appreciable shelter. No fire. No mini-stove. No heat source other than maybe a hand warmer or two.

The day started out with several training stations to include operations planning, navigation, low angle rappeling, and mock searches. From there, we got into groups according to our times on our PFT. We were given a map, a set of UTMs, and were told we had to make it to the end point within four hours. The end point was typically 8 miles away, traversing a mountainous area. My group headed out, and we were looking good, until this rather overweight guy in my group admitted he'd never been hiking before......ever. Who goes on a strenuous hike having NEVER HIKED BEFORE? He didn't even do some practice hikes before the event!!! One woman was having digestive issues, and another woman got dizzy several times because she let her blood sugar run low. That left me and one lady always having to hold up to wait for everyone else. Frustrating as hell, I have to tell you. We tried to have a positive attitude, but one can only tolerate turtle pace for so long before contemplating either breaking away from the group (rules be damned) or taking them out one-by-one ala Rambo style.

At one point, we chose the wrong trail. There were no trails marked on the map, just roads, elevation, and that kind of thing, so we were going off of terrain clues on the map. Apparently, we could have saved ourselves 2 or 3 miles of hiking if we had turned left rather than right at our first junction. Since we chose the long way around, and we kept having to stop for our slower members, we ended up arriving to the rally point an hour after everyone else had gotten in. It was dark, and my feet hurt like mad. Try walking super slow to stay with your group when your natural stride is trying to tell you to go faster. It's awful. I tried to keep a sense of humor, but a day of hiking eating only a Luna bar and some trail mix left me pretty grumpy. It was also pretty embarrassing that they had to send the med unit after us. We lost contact with the command post when we were in a canyon for about an hour. Since they couldn't raise us, they thought we might be in trouble. Ugh. Only saving grace was that we made it in on our own rather than having them help us out. (although maybe a couple of our people should have gone with them)

Beyond that, the night wasn't bad. We did a night time search (that my group had to cut short due to our three less-than-healthy groupmates), but that was all right. I was pretty tired by then anyway. Around 2 AM they finally let us set up our emergency shelters in an open field area. No trees to strap stuff to, and I didn't have any stakes. In lieu of stakes, I found stiff reeds that I was able to push into the ground. I made a crude little pup tent, climbed into my emergency bivy, and proceeded to freeze for the next couple of hours. Not freeze so much as just occasionally shiver. I had several good layers on (which freed up about half of my pack space), but it was still pretty cool. I probably would have been warmer if I had put my thermal bottoms on, but it was late, I was tired, and I really didn't feel like roaming off to strip down and put them on. Turns out I didn't have to wait long to be up and moving again anyway. They woke us 5 AM (not really sure if I slept through any of that at all) to the lovely sound of police sires and sent us on another search.

We ended our 24 hours by locating a subject, packaging him, and hauling him out 2 miles to a rendezvous point, where, thankfully, a team had gathered to provide us with hot oatmeal and fruit. YAY! Prison-style oatmeal had never tasted so good. :)

I got home that day and was feeling relatively good. I managed to avoid having to restroom in the woods (which I totally suck at), so I was super happy to see a functioning toilet. Huzzah. I plopped down on the couch to watch a little football, because I wasn't sleepy yet, and then promptly fell asleep. Go figure.

This is when the pain actually started. On the hike my feet hurt horribly after 5 hours of carrying a 27 pound pack, and I had managed to get a couple of blisters, but that pretty much abated after being off my feet for a couple of hours that night. What I didn't really count on was waking up an hour into the football game and realizing that my legs had decided that it was time to cramp up. I got up to use the restroom, and I had to hobble across the room like an 85-year-old lady with a bad hip. I thought I was safe since I had gotten up from my three hours of "sleep" that morning without feeling crampy at all. Turns out my legs were just waiting for a comfy couch before seizing.

Even so, I thought I would better by this morning. No such luck. This morning I could barely walk at all. I called in sick and have since been trying to work on getting my legs to loosen up. So far, not a lot of luck. My boyfriend tried to massage my lower legs, and I almost cried. It's actually pretty damn funny. It would be funnier, though, if it didn't actually hurt so much.

All in all, it was a good experience, albeit horribly frustrating thanks to my slower than mud group. I don't think you'll find me on the proctor list for next year, but it was nice to know that I could do it, even if I paid for it later. It just proves that I need to do more mountainous hiking. I thought that my recent attempts at running would have helped minimize soreness, but I guess not. I'm going to start looking for good trails to day hike so that I'm better prepared in case something goes haywire in my head, and I decide to proctor a group next year. I'd have to be pretty far gone to let that happen, though. No comments from the peanut gallery.

Pumpkiny Goodness

2008-10-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I finally got to be in the presence of other people who are definitely feeling the Halloween spirit. I've been a bit down recently, because no one in my neighborhood seems to want to decorate. Heck, no one in the whole surrounding area seems to want to decorate. With the lack of holiday spirit combined with 80 degree weather, it barely feels like Halloween is near at all, let alone a week away. But this weekend, I attended the Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival. I love this festival. It's just plain fun. You don't get the retarded losers who only go to festivals to get drunk and cause problems. There are no fights. It's just fun for families and people who want a laid back Fall festival vibe.

The Pumpkin Festival takes place on the main street of Half Moon Bay. It pretty much goes the entire length. There is booth after booth after booth of crafts, art, and strange homemade/small business made things. One of the more original booths was selling little animals and stuff made out of wool. Doesn't sound horribly original until you realize that the person made these little animals by compressing wool on itself with a needle. I can't remember what this technique is called. I also can't imagine how much time it would take just to make the 2 1/2 inch high penguin I liked.

There was a ton of food booths, several stages where people played lived music, and several performers that ranged from magicians to giant pumpkin carvers. The one thing that is unique about the festival is that they sell beer and wine. We walked around the whole morning with a commemorative champagne glass full of yummy mimosa. MMMmmmm. Most festivals in California don't allow alcohol or have very strict rules regarding it, because people tend to be idiots and get in fights. With the mellower family-based crowd that the festival attracts, there are few true buttheads.

On the way out of the festival, we stopped and bought the requisite pumpkins at one of the local farms. I can't wait to carve them up. What was not so awesome about our egress, however, was our choice of restaurant. We saw the Half Moon Bay Brewery on the way in and decided we'd check it out for lunch. It was a laid back atmosphere, so we thought it would be fun. NEVER, EVER GO THERE. It is the biggest waste of money I've ever been subjected to. We each got one beer, I ordered a crab/shrimp salad and a cup of chowder, and my boyfriend ordered a crab/shrimp sandwich. That's it. With tip, the bill came to just over $60...for lunch......FOR LUNCH!!!!! It wasn't even that good. Their beer was just so-so, and my stupid salad was merely a pile of romaine that they threw lump crab meat (probably from a can) and baby shrimp on. Total rip. I could have made that for 1/4 of the price. I officially give the Half Moon Bay Brewery a one star. Even the wait staff sucked.

All in all, though, it was a good day. I got my Halloween on, and it helped stave away the lack of spirit in my town. Get out there and DECORATE people! Don't be a Halloween scrooge!

I Need to See the Pain

2008-10-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Fox network.... YOU SUCK!!!!! This morning I turned on the Seattle Seahawks v. New York Giants game. It was already not looking good with the Seahawks down by 14 or so. That's fine. The Seahawks have 1/3 of their offensive line out with injuries, and the Giants are the defending champions, so I wasn't expecting the most awesome game ever. The Seahawks are having a tough year.

After half time, the pain continued with the Seahawks scoring a measly 6 points in the first half, none in the second, and the Giants dominating with 34 or something points. Yes, it's embarrassing. Yes, I wanted to look away and not watch the horrid bumbling of my beloved team, but Fox deprived me of sitting here with my little Seahawks pennant and cheering them until the end. Fox decided that the game was all but over (in the 3rd quarter mind you) and switched over to the Washington/Philly game. WTF Fox?!?!?! I should be able to cheer my pathetic Seahawks to the end!!! And the New Yorkers should be able to gloat until the last second. That's how sports works! You suffer the pain or you indulge in gloating and you continue it after the final whistle!

But NO!!!! Fox has decided that I don't get that right! I spit at you Fox!!! If i didn't need you for football or a couple of other shows that I watch, I would boycott you! Instead, I think you're going to get a strongly worded letter of anger.

Ugh....44 to 6 in the 4th quarter. I should have been able to see that, even as humiliating as it is!!!! Stupid Fox!!!! GRUMBLE!!!!!!!!

Minor Train Derailment

2008-10-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

I managed to get 6 people from the office to join in a little BINGO debate game. No drinking since it was still the work week, and we do have to be responsible. :) I sat down, bingo card in one hand, imaginary pennant in the other, and waited for the train wreck to occur. After all, there's nothing we like better than to stare at disasters. I was disappointed. There was no horrific train wreck, no Titanic, no fiery Hindenburg. Palin actually did well. I thought surely either Palin or Biden would offer some moments of complete buffoonery. Instead, they were both polite and well spoken. Those who were waiting for Palin to fall on her face, as she seemed to do in the Couric interview, were disappointed.

Neither Biden nor Palin were able to deeply discuss issues, but Palin proved that she likes the camera and has no problem facing it to try and talk directly to the people. She was able to provide rebuttals to most of Biden's arguments and was easy going. She did manage to dodge Biden's accusations about government regulation, but that's a sticky wicket that is best saved for longer expositions. I was surprised to hear both of them say that they do not support gay marriages, but I was happy to hear that they both support basic rights of gay couples. I'm not enamored by either camp's ideas about Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan, but I don't claim to have the answers to those disasters either. We just have to figure out a way to stop sacrificing our troops and money to other countries.

I was actually kind of bored by the end. No carnage. Well spoken people with little rambling.... As for the bingo game, it was kind of a dud. None of us were able to get five in a row. Who would have thought that neither of them would mention Russia? They didn't even say "beltway" or "failure of leadership"! One participant gave up on the card halfway through the debate, and another fell asleep before the end. We decided that we need to come up with better words that are common, but not so common as to have every word be a sure thing. We have two debates left to get this right, and then we have to wait another four years.

I have to say, all-in-all, that Biden performed mostly as expected, and Palin did better than any of us expected. One analyst on CNN even went so far as to say that Palin was flopping the previous interviews to throw the Democrats off guard for when she actually did well in the debates. I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but I'm still solidly in the middle of the two camps. And oh yeah, I have to give credit to Biden for a good-feeling, sappy end to his speech. Now if he (and Palin) could only leave God out of politics, it would be great. (or did I dream that whole notion about the separation of church and state?)

The Debates Were Great! I Think....

2008-09-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

Generally, Presidential debates are horrible. They are boring and filled with so much political-ese that you can barely stomach it. Normally, I end up getting distracted by something shiny, and I miss most of the debate.

When I was in college, my roommate and I decided to make the debates more fun by turning them into a drinking game. On one occasion, my roommate was late, but her mom showed up early and took me out to pick up booze. Unbeknown to us, one of the mixers we chose already contained alcohol in it, and after we blended in more 151, I think we missed most of the debates. My roommate came home to the blender whirring and her mom screaming, "Taxes! Taxes!!! DRINK!!!!" It was awesome.

So, I decided since I'm undecided so far this year, that I would watch the debates. The allure of turning it into a drinking game was so great, that I had to succumb. I didn't really have time to make my own list, so I stole most of someone else's. I taped the words all around the TV (see photo above. Yes I know my TV is crap, but it still works, so how can I throw it out?), so that I wouldn't have to consult a piece of paper I was sure to lose anyway. Nostalgia caused me to add the word "tax" to the list, which ended up being a huge mistake. All the words on the right and left of the TV are drinks of whatever beverage you like. The words at the top aren't so much words as things (Jim Lehrer interrupts, candidate drinks water, an "I'm just like you" sentiment...). These are also drinks. At the bottom is a list of things that will earn you a shot. I stole these from someone else, but I thought it was worth a try. I don't think we ever heard these, but they are: Gates of Hell, The Moon, Ron Paul, Thanks but no thanks, The Plague, any reference to movie/TV/comic book character, and any cut away to a celebrity.

My boyfriend and I sat down with snacks, drinks, and shots, ready for a good debate. The debate was pretty lackluster. McCain spoke poorly and Obama spoke well. For the first time I felt myself leaning toward the Obama camp, although I have yet to really be impressed by him, despite the fact that I'm a registered Democrat. My boyfriend was not inspired by McCain's "fear mongering". I'm still pretty firmly undecided, though, because I don't have faith in either candidate.

We started out well, getting several drinks within the opening round of questions. Then they started really discussing the economy. This is where I end up losing some steam. After going through three 12 oz screwdrivers in under 20 minutes thanks to the words "tax" and "economy", we ended up having to suspend those two words. This was followed later by a similar situation with the word "Iraq". There will definitely have to be some revisions to the list for the next debate.

It's after this round that I become a little fuzzy. I apparently can't drink like I used to drink in college. I know that my boyfriend and I degraded into some stupid argument over McCain's and Obama's foreign policies. That led to me falling asleep and dreaming that Wyldkard chose an outfit for me that consisted of some horrible ruffly blouse and teal corduroys. It was horrible, and confirmed that I should never let a man who owns a non-Hawaiian flowery button-down shirt pick my clothing.

If you would like to join us for the next debate, I will post my revised list before the next debate occurs. It's just a fun way to make it through what is normally a pretty boring event. Just beware that vivid and disturbing dreams could be a side effect.

Have a Little Fun For Pete's Sake

2008-09-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

All around me I see people walking with their heads low, depressed about the current state of affairs. We are at the end of a miserable presidency, the beginning of what will probably be an economic depression, home foreclosures, and the longest, most tiring presidential race in history. I'm tired of the hopelessness, the empty promises of alleviating that hopelessness, and just general malaise.

I say cast off that melancholy and celebrate something. The holiday season is upon us, and there are lots of ways to celebrate. Create Fall decorations, put up some ghosts and goblins in your yard or paint them on your windows. Get those fat turkey decorations ready or start sorting through your Christmas stuff. Get a little childish and make a Halloween costume this year. Sure, some say that our generation is childish enough as it is, but I say BAH! It's good to have some distraction, especially in hard times.

It doesn't have to cost a lot. When I was little, my mom always painted our windows with a scene appropriate for the holiday. It was fun, creative, and was an instant face-lift to the house. (not to mention she normally painted one creature, reindeer, or whatever for each of us. It was fun to see what we'd be that year.) Not very good at the drawing thing? Gather leaves and dip them in parafin wax then hang them in your windows. Not really into that? Put together a costume. There are tons of patterns out there to help you make your own. Not a sewer? Try the thrift stores. You can pick up a costume for under $20 or make a scarecrow for the porch or yard. For two bucks you can pick up foil garland and liven up the place.

It doesn't matter what you do, but do something. Decorating always perks me up a bit, and I think it's important not to ignore those little celebrations. Even if you're not into decorating, attend a festival or something. There are lots of free festivals this time of year that will give you and your family a break from the ordinary. Not to mention that pumpkin ice cream comes out around now. Hey...don't knock it until you've tried it.

I Will Crash Your Castle!!!!

2008-09-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

Beware evil doers!!! For I am a champion of justice! I will crash your castles and take back my princesses (and get some sweet smoochin' in the process).

Yes, friends, I have discovered Castle Crashers. For those of you who are currently scratching your heads and wondering what the heck Castle Crashers is, it's a downloadable game for the xBox 360. The second I saw it, I knew I would love it. The animation reminds me a combination between Invader Zim (one of the best cartoons ever) and Munchkin (one of the best card games ever). In Castle Crashers you run around as a little knight killing baddies in your way to rescue color-themed princesses.

There are tons of little things in the game that just make me smile. In one of the first few levels, there's a little knight performing CPR on another knight while you battle around him. It's just a cute touch. The evil guys do quirky things, the princesses give you smooches when you save them, and you start the game by literally rocking out in your castle to piper music. It's awesome. Although the game play becomes rather repetitive, the cuteness of the game and the evil characters makes up for it all. (You even get to fight a giant ear of corn that sheds popcorn as you beat it up. The popcorn gives you a minimal amount of health. So cute!) I think my favorite villains, however, are the little white bears, one of which flops over, but ends up being too lazy to fight you.

I think what made the game even better for me is that as you progress through the game, you get the opportunity to collect little animals who follow you around and do stuff for you. My favorite, Rammy, is a little ram who knocks over enemies. There are all sorts of animals from a bat who sucks blood to a cardinal who helps you find secret things. You can't have them all out at once, which blows, but I like the fact that I get pets again. Kind of satisfies the loneliness I've felt since abandoning WoW. (I miss my awesome pets. And yes, I know I have three kittens at home, but they just don't have the same zing some days as a cute little bunny, frog, or baby dragon.)

After a disappointing gaming season that has been dominated by first person shooters, sci-fi crap, and let's-try-to-make-war-as-real-as-possible-yet-fail games, it's nice to have this happy distraction. You too can indulge in this fun for less than $20. You just need an xBox 360 (which does suck, but what are you going to do? It's better than the Wii and Playstation 3.). If you decide to buy it, let me know, because there's an xBox Live option, so we can all play together and fight the evil of the universe! I have dibs on the red guy! :)

(Btw...the Castle Crashers figurines shown above would make a great Christmas gift for me.) *grin*

The Death of a Hated Season

2008-09-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I stumbled out to the living room, made it to the kitchen to make some coffee, then settled in on the couch while the coffee pot leisurely dripped the coffee I so desperately desired. I flipped on the TV and discovered that football is back on TV. YAY!!!! I don't really care much about football in general. I do support the Seahawks (despite their humiliating defeat today) and have been known to scream at the TV upon occasion as if my yelling could actually do anything other than annoy my neighbors. What really matters to me about football is that it signifies the beginning of Fall.

I hate summer. I mean I really hate summer. The only thing summer is good for is produce. I love summer fruit, but that's about it. It's hot, it's dry, and it's daylight for way too long. I'm a Washingtonian by heart and living in an area where I know every day is going to be sunny and somewhere between 60 and 90 degrees in the summer is no fun. I like seasons. I like differences in weather. I like being able to sleep at night. Recently, I've been struggling with sleep, because it's too damn hot. I've had to resort to taking Benadryl on several nights, because it knocks me out. I get irritable when I haven't seen rain since March and won't expect to see it until probably November.

Now I know what you're thinking..."why don't you just move"? Oh how I would love to move. Turns out transferring to someplace that doesn't completely suck is harder than you'd think. Plus, it's not just me I'm concerned about, so there's compromise and delay. I will get out of here, but it won't be for at least another year. Even then, I'll probably end up on the East Coast where it's not only hot during the summer, but horribly humid. Blech.

I think I've gotten off track.... Football. Yes, beloved football. Football means fall leaves. It means crisp weather. It means we're finally sauntering in to one of my favorite times of year. I take that back. It absolutely is my favorite time of year. I love Fall colors, crisp mornings (if I lived somewhere capable of crisp mornings), sweaters, chilly nights, decorations, and above all OCTOBER!!! I love October, mostly because of Halloween.

Finally, after an extremely long and drawn out summer of hell, I'm heading into my favorite time of year, which means my spirits should lift considerably. I can't wait to seriously decorate. Oh how I loves me the Fall. *happy sigh* Finally. :)

Palin in Comparison

2008-09-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call at 8:00 AM last week. If you're like me, you wonder what's gone wrong when you get a phone call at an unexpected time. I picked up in hesitation, only to hear my friend announce that McCain has chosen a woman for VP. I thought he was going to explode in his pants, he was so excited. I was intrigued, because Palin is a relative unknown, and I honestly didn't expect McCain to choose a female running mate.

All I really knew about her is that she's the governor of Alaska. I thought that wasn't so bad. I like Alaska. Part of my family hails from there. (And I was horrified to see the media report that they think Alaskans don't even want to be Americans. Ignorant pricks.) So I was thinking this wouldn't be so bad. Then the media let loose with the info that her 17-year old daughter is pregnant. So, I thought about it, and decided who the hell cares? The daughter is not the mom. I've seen some very good parents end up with some pretty bad kids. Some times things just go wrong. So the daughter is stupid.... I'm okay with that.

And so I tuned in to the RNC to see what she had to say. She was eloquent, strong, funny, and not afraid to take a few shots of her own. I think she went a little overboard, but I also understand that they probably felt she needed to come out fighting since she'd taken a lot of crap from the media and the Democrats all week. I watched her speech thinking this could be someone I could finally get behind. The candidates have been a miserable disappointment for me. So much so that I've considered not voting at all.

I don't agree with Palin on several issues, however. I'm pro-choice, and she is rather staunchly pro-life. I'm not ready to eliminate someone over this issue alone, however. I don't think they're ever going to be able to defeat Roe v. Wade, so it doesn't matter much to me. I don't like that she's a hunter, but Alaska is Alaska and I understand it. I'm not wild about her environmental history, but I think that she would push for alternative energies if that's what the voters want. She has an 80% approval rating as governor, so she must be doing something right.

Then I read something that made my butt pucker. As mayor of a smallish town in
Alaska, she tried to ban certain books from the library. This feels like the death of any support I might have been feeling for Palin. It takes a special kind of ignorance to ban books. Hell, we may as well have ourselves a good old-fashioned Nazi-style book burning. If you don't want your kids to read certain books, then there should be a restricted list you can set up at the library, so that the library won't check out those books to your kid. You're allowed to control what your kids read and watch, but you aren't allowed to forcibly control others.

So, I find myself in a dilemma. I don't think I can vote for someone who is going to get on the book-banning ignorance truck. But then I think about the fact that it happened several years ago, I haven't heard of her doing that since, and I feel like this one issue shouldn't be the basis of my decision. But this is a very touchy issue for me, and I feel like anyone who bans books has a few screws loose. It turns into a bigger issue. It speaks towards her character and close-mindedness.

I find myself once again retreating from the election. It's my preference to vote Democrat, but I'm not wild about Obama. He's a very eloquent speaker, but he's a little too good. He keeps getting away with not really providing much of a plan for this wonderful change he keeps proposing. He's like the kid in high school who promises they'll shave 10 minutes off the school day, get better food in the cafeteria, and bring back recess. Sounds wonderful, but it's not bloody likely to happen. This means I'm left either voting independent (which is a waste if you ask me, and there's no one I'd want to vote for anyway) or just not voting, which is the way I'm leaning. The only other option is to write my name in on the ballot, but I don't really want to be president, and I'm afraid it would happen. :P

Once again, I'm left feeling completely unenthusiastic about this presidential campaign. And that's the most disappointing thing of all.

Pole-Handling, Ball-Thrusting Fun

2008-09-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an interesting day of watching men in skirts trying to carefully manipulate their poles, while others recklessly tossed their heavy balls about. Before you go thinking I attended the Folsom Street Fair (coming to an SF near you in late September), I'm talking about the Scottish Highland games. Yes, I celebrated that less than 5% of my heritage with pride. Unfortunately, I come from a rather small clan, so finding my family crest on anything (save a poster of Scottish families) or my tartan was nearly impossible. Even so, it was a ton of fun. Even if you aren't Scottish, I suggest you find an event near you and go.

I started my day by browsing through some of the hundred or so vendors at the event. They sold everything from swords to jewelry to kilts to packaged foods. It was all there, with the exception of anything from my family. (save a couple of stalls where I could special order something) Everyone was in good spirits. Seriously. The vendors would cheer when a man broke down and tried on a kilt, I didn't hear a single child crying, no people were walking around with attitudes, and despite the heat, most people were just smiling. It was probably the most pleasant festival experience I've had in a while. Just good ol' Scottish clans getting together to celebrate.

After the vendors, I wandered around and explored the many stages and events going on. There was a bag-piping competition where troupes of clans performed for the title of best pipers. The traditional garb and pipers/drummers of all ages was fun to watch. There was a stage for highland dancing which is always fascinating. I also saw solo folk performers, a horde of fiddlers, family bands, and even a Scottish rock/alternative band that was actually pretty darn good.

After exploring the stages, I wandered through the vast array of clan tents. A ton of clans put up little tents where you could go bond with your family and buy clan t-shirts and stuff. Of course, my clan was not among these, but it was fun to see everyone's displays. Reminded me of an 8th grade science fair, only with family history boards instead.

Time for food. There were tons of vendors selling everything from haggis to funnel cakes. I went for the funnel cakes. Yummy! They had the normal stuff, but they also included a British section so that you could go get some fish and chips.

There was a 10-year old girl in front of me at the funnel cake stand, however, that I had to laugh at. She has very fine hair, like me, and she had convinced her parents to buy her this metal spiral thing that's supposed to wrap around your pony tail and look super cute. Like a lot of hair decoration, these products are made for those with thick, curly hair. The metal didn't cling to her hair or tame it in any way. Rather, her hair floated free in the middle with the shorter strands already astray on the outside. It looked more like she grabbed a lawn spinner and put it in her hair than hair decoration. I felt for her, because I likely would have done the same thing at her age, just hoping that it would look as good on me as it did on the model. Fat chance, honey. Embrace your hair and find something else.

After fueling up with some sugar, I headed over to the stadium where the highland games were in progress. I saw caber tossing, and some sort of ball flinging, soccer, and a few other games that I recognize, but can't stick a name to. I always find the games fascinating, because it's so obvious where most of these games come from: work and war. They don't try to disguise it at all.

When I was done watching skirted men tossing things in the air, I wandered on over to the birds of prey exhibit. They had a brown eagle, several varieties of hawks and falcons, and a couple of owls. They were gorgeous and rekindled my hidden desire to own a bird of prey. I've always wanted a falcon or something that I could send out to be my eyes for me. I think this comes from a trip to the movies my dad took me to when I was really little. My brother wanted to see The Beastmaster, and I didn't mind, so we saw it, and I fell in love with falcons and ferrets. (pretty much all I could really grasp of the movie at that age) I have yet to own either.

Next, I stumbled over to the arena and saw border collies herd sheep, then went to the stables to pet a Clydesdale. They are simply gorgeous. It's been a long time since I've been near a horse, especially ones so colossus. I don't know what it is about people and horses, but there's definitely something there. Some strange balance.

The only thing I didn't really see was the whiskey tasting area. I was driving, so no whiskey tasting for me. I did see several people stumble out of that building, glass in hand, mumbling something about too much whiskey and the need for food. Must have been a good time. :)

Tired and partially sun-burned, I decided to head for home. I bought a few things for my family on my way out, took one last look around, and began the long trek to my car. All-in-all a pretty darn good day.

Seriously, take a look in your area to see when the next highland festival is (if there is one). It's a good time with few to no jackasses. The closest you get is a couple of drunken Scotsmen...and really...who doesn't like those?

Backyard Adventuring

2008-08-31T10:56:00.000-07:00

This last week, I had an appointment in a section of town I'd never really had cause to go to. It's a small area that's mostly residential, but apparently there's a nice little 5 x 3 block strip of town nestled in the area off a minor highway that runs through the hills. I was pleasantly surprised by the quaintness of the area and the extremely nice homes that I meandered by on my way. It's rare that I see really nice homes with yards any more since I've moved into an extremely urban area. Everything was green with manicured lawns and topiary. Nice.

I brought my boyfriend to the area the next day so that we could peruse a wine shop that I spotted and to maybe have coffee or lunch or something. The wine shop also carried several imported beers, and instead of walking out with wine, we walked out with some Belgian brews. We tried a Mexican place there that made a decent margarita, and browsed through a knitting store for me. It was really nice to find this little strip I didn't know about before. A small adventure right in my own backyard.

Yesterday, I had to travel to another section of town I don't normally go to, because it's rather cumbersome to get to. Well, maybe not cumbersome, but definitely annoying on high traffic days (like yesterday with the Cal game going on). I went to a shop to have them fit me for a shoe since I've been dealing some chronic foot pain. (We'll see if this helps fix some stuff.) Afterwards, we decided we were hungry, so we looked around for a place to eat. My boyfriend didn't want Mediterranean, and I wasn't in the mood for "modern Chinese cuisine", so we settled on an Italian place we'd never been to. Absolutely excellent. This place had a bruschetta that was to die for. Perfect. We each order a seafood-based pasta which was brilliant. We both decided that we would put it on the repeat list.

I suggest that you get out there and explore your own backyard. Go to an area you hardly ever go to and try something out. You don't have to buy something, just walk around. You can go to a shopping area, a park, a beach...whatever. Just get out there and experience something different about your area that maybe you didn't know before or maybe just try a new restaurant. With everyone tightening the financial belt recently, it might be nice just to make a day trip somewhere close by.

The Lull of Late Summer

2008-08-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the fact that I've been trying to come up with something interesting to write about or at least rant about. With my change in jobs, I don't have the time I once had to pour over news articles about various things. This severely limits my ranting capabilities. I haven't even been to Der Spiegel in weeks. So I find myself rather at a loss as to what to write. The closest thing I've come to anything interesting in the last week is an article about immigration raids. I've already done a fair amount of ranting about this, and I'm kind of tired, so I choose to wait for another day. The most writing I've done consists of little diary-like stickies that I'm putting all over my absent co-worker's desk while she's away on vacation.

I attribute this lull to late summer. It's hot, I'm tired, and there's nothing much going on. There are no holidays, (Labor Day doesn't count. You don't really decorate for it.) school's back in session so the kids are out of sight, and I'm trying to save up vacation time for Christmas, so I'm not venturing far from the house. Basically, I've got nuthin'.

Since I'm obviously stumped, I throw it out to you, dear readers.... Inspire me. Whatcha got that's good?

The Nothing Thing That's in Everything

2008-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

For the last several months I have been itching like mad. My primary doctor is a boob, so after several months of me complaining and one visit of her actually admitting that something seems to be wrong with me (no comments from the peanut gallery), she finally prescribed me some allergy medicine since Zyrtec, Benadryl, and Claritin had little to no effect (other than knocking me unconscious). Turns out the prescribed medication didn't work either. Then I had some major reaction to something where my face turned bright red, was hot to the touch, and itched like mad. So my primary finally agreed to send me to an allergist.

My allergist was stumped. They tested me for a bunch of foods (nothing like getting poked with a needle 40 times or more), and I wasn't allergic to anything. So they tried a patch test on me. This consists of putting several patches on my back to see if I have a contact allergy to anything. The patches stay on the back for 48 hours, then you go without for another 24. No showering in between. Weak. The results? I reacted to two things: nickel and balsam of Peru. The nickel thing I thought was weird, but I was relieved that I was allergic to something that sounded so rare. Who's ever heard of balsam of Peru? Well, it turns out it's in EVERYTHING!!! (and according to the attached picture, looks like an old man's nutsack.)

Balsam of Peru is in perfumes, cosmetics, creams, ointments, sunscreens, shampoos, conditioners, insect repellents, lip medications, and is used to flavor things like soft drinks, pastries, cakes, wines, liquors, chocolate, baked goods, ice cream, candy, gum, ketchup, chili sauce, pickle relish, and perfumed teas/tobaccos. Anything from the benzyl family I'm allergic to. I'm also allergic to cinnamon, rose, and vanilla essential oils, though curiously not the edible version of it (although there is a slight chance I'd react).

Nothing has been more frustrating than trying to adjust to this new allergy of mine. Every shampoo and conditioner I looked at at the drug store included either the elusive ingredient of "perfume" or it included something from the no-no list. I ended up having to buy some ghetto shampoo/conditioner called "Say Yes to Cucumber". Lame. I could have also chosen to say yes to carrot or tomato. Double weak. I also have to hunt for new lotion, soap, face cream, cosmetics, and laundry detergent. Apparently, "unscented" doesn't work, because they use a scent to de-scent it. That doesn't make any sense at all. I have to find "unscented" products or products that are scented with something that doesn't appear on the no-no list, like cucumber. Next time you go to the store, just take a look and see if you can find ANY shampoo that doesn't include the word "perfume" in the ingredient list. Let me know, because I'm lookin'! I don't want to have to say yes to cucumbers forever.

Be wary, dear readers. Perhaps you too will end up being allergic to this seemingly rare tree bark that isn't really rare at all. And be on the lookout for fragrance-free shampoo and conditioners for me. I'm dying.

It's Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2008-08-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

People thought I was crazy when I brought up the Banana Splits a few months back. I was humming the theme song, and no one seemed to know what the hell I was talking about, even when I found the opening on YouTube. But I have been vindicated!!! Cartoon Network has announced that they're bringing the Banana Splits back!! YEeeeah!!!

If you have never seen the Banana Splits, first look at the picture in the upper left corner. Next imagine that group of wacky characters playing in a band and getting into all sorts of hi jinx, ala The Monkeys, while introducing super crappy cartoon episodes. Now go to the new Banana Splits site for the new guys! The Banana Splits will now be appearing in a series of cartoon shorts! It's just awesome wrapped in a bow. :) Huzzah! I have missed their crappy costumes and retardedness.

Sing it with me! Tra la la. la lala la. Tra la la lala lala la.

Wahoo!!!!!

International Foodfest!

2008-08-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was standing at my stove putting together a lovely little shepard's pie, when I started thinking about the kinds of food I eat. I've recently been trying to take on new flavors or recipes. It's not always creative, and generally tends to stay toward the European side of things (save some Chinese and Japanese adventures), but I'm trying to expand my menu choices. This led me to think about the awesome salad-thingy that a friend of mine brought to a BBQ last night. It was some of couscous-like thing with cranberries, almonds, mint, lemon zest, and a couple of other things I don't quite remember. It was a completely different flavor from what I'm used to, and I absolutely loved it.

So, as my meat was browning, I thought about the fact that I have a lot of friends who were probably brought up with all kinds of awesome foods, and that maybe I could I get their favorite recipes and try them out. The thought of that exhausted me, however, and I thought of something better. Why not invite those people over for dinner and have them bring me food! I'm lazy...this could work. The trick is that I'd have to really sell it. So, how about an international food night or series of nights! It's perfect!! We all get to try different foods, yet I don't have to cook all the time, and I can absorb those recipes I really like!

I bet you can think of a lot of people who probably grew up on a variety of different dishes. Right off the top of my head I can come up with people who can probably share recipes from China, Germany, South Korea, Japan, England, Ireland, Scotland, Norway, Sweden, Egypt, Thailand, Italy, Greece, Mexico, France, and India. The thought is this: you can pair up with a couple of people or invite a lot. One person will be responsible for the main dish, another for a side dish, another a vegetable dish, and perhaps a nice dessert from another. True, some of these dishes are bound to clash, but at least you get to try a bunch of stuff all at once. It can be a monthly event, weekly event, or whatever you please.

I think I'm liking this idea. Now I just have to convince my friends to make me food without me ending up at the sink doing dishes!

I've Been Had

2008-08-04T20:20:00.000-07:00

I was hanging out at my friend's place the other day, minding my own business, and having a pleasant conversation. I hadn't been to his place for a while, so I was somewhat distracted by all of the girly little things that have infiltrated his place since his girlfriend moved in with him. I especially love the many books on living green, alternative medicines/healing, and various books on crafts like knitting and crochet. (I expect a rather lovely scarf this Christmas.) And so I thought nothing of his request to add me to his Netflix friends list.

I'd never started a friends list, and I wasn't really thinking about what being a Netflix friend would mean. What it means is total humiliation. I order movies in the mail so that I don't have to admit to others the crap that I watch. Now, I've joined my friend's Netflix friends list, and suddenly I'm horribly, awfully exposed...the kind of exposed that wakes you up in the middle of the night, sweating, heart pounding, hair plastered to your forehead, while you try to shake the nightmare of standing in front of a CNN camera naked as the day you were born, but with an extra 200 pounds of fat, hair, ass dimples, and sagging boobs knowing that your ex-boyfriend is watching and laughing his skinny ass, non-dimply ass off. Yeah, it's that bad. Maybe a different friend wouldn't be that bad, but this particular one... *sigh* I'm never going to hear the end of it.

So, I'm just going to admit it up front and save myself the inevitable humiliation! YES! I LIKE MOVIES THAT FEATURE PRINCESSES AND PRETTY DRESSES, EVEN IF THEY ARE GIVEN A HALF A STAR! I LIKE CRAPPY ANIMATED MOVIES THAT MAKE EVEN CHILDREN BLUSH AT THE THOUGHT THEY ASKED THEIR PARENTS TO PAY FOR THE MOVIE TICKET. I LIKE CHEESY ROMANCE MOVIES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO INVEST IN KLEENEX STOCK. I NORMALLY SHY AWAY FROM FOREIGN FILMS BECAUSE I FIND THEM BORING AND PRETENTIOUS.

So there, Wyldkard. Enjoy. Make fun of me at will. I don't care. I've already outed myself. *double sigh* Thanks for ruining Netflix, Ass.

I just feel the need to warn others. Don't let your so-called friends trick you into signing up for Netflix friends. Keep those guilty pleasures close to your chest, citizens. Keep 'em close.

Some Sort of Disconnect

2008-08-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things in this world seem crazy, but understandable. Other times, they are just plain crazy and leave me wondering what the hell is wrong with people. Such was the case when I heard about the guy who snapped on a Greyhound bus. According to CNN, Vince Weiguang Li, a Canadian citizen, stabbed the man sitting next to him at least 40 times before finally decapitating the man. Apparently, there was no provocation and no obvious reason for the attack. The attack is disturbing, but we kind of accept that people just lose their minds every now and then. What is more disturbing to me is the reaction of the passengers on board.

When the attack began, all of the passengers on board exited the bus. The man sitting in front of the victim when the attack began described a "blood curdling scream...something between a dog howling and a baby crying." Yet no one did anything to stop the attack. They left the bus. No one tried to tackle Li or hit him or impede his actions in any way. Instead, the fled the bus. A passing trucker stopped and provided them with some weapons (crow bars, wrenches, etc.) and then they all just stood outside the bus guarding the exit so the man couldn't leave until the police arrived. The police did not breech the bus, despite the fact that the victim was already confirmed dead and they had superior fire power. Instead, they, like the passengers, stood outside waiting for the man to give himself up. He wasn't apprehended until he broke a window and tried to climb out.

Sgt. Steve Cowell of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police,"praised the "extraordinary" calmness and bravery of the bus driver and passengers." To which I can only say, "huh?" They left!! They fled the bus and did nothing to help the victim inside. Last I checked, the concept of "run away! run away!" wasn't considered an act of bravery. Granted, a man approaching you with someone's decapitated head in his hands is a great deal disturbing, but it didn't have to get to that level. What happened? I don't understand. How can you just leave someone there to be brutally mauled? There were enough people on that bus to overpower the man. If people in a small church near Knoxville can tackle a rabid gunman, surely, a bus full of people can subdue one psycho with a knife.

I'm interested to see what will happen to those who left that man behind. Will they experience shame? Guilt? Or will they praise themselves as heroes after being lauded with accolades from the RCMP? I have no idea how I would be able to live with myself knowing I did absolutely nothing. I understand if there are only a couple of people and one raving, knife-wielding psycho hell-bent on killing. But there was a whole bus-load of people. Hurl luggage at the bastard or something! Distract him long enough to gang up on him. Anything!

So I'm left confused. How did we get to the point where we praise people for doing nothing to help another human being. How did we get to the point where some poor soul brutalizes another for apparently no reason? And why does the crime make more sense to me than those who witnessed it?

Some Advice from a Former Mad Woman

2008-07-31T21:39:00.000-07:00

The last few years have been a roller coaster ride for me. There have been terrifying lows and euphoric highs. There has been the slow, clicking ascent to madness and the out-of-control wild ride thereafter. And there's also been the leveling off that brings a moment of calm. Even though I don't think the ride's quite over yet, I like to think that I finally have enough perspective to make a few comments that may just be helpful to someone else about to board a similar coaster.

I've gone through a separation, a divorce, the loss of one of my best friends, sold my home to move into an apartment, found love again against all odds, changed jobs, and made some wonderful new friends. I can tell you that before some of the good things in that list happened, there was a lot of crap that occurred first. How I dealt with the lows was not always constructive, in fact frequently was not, but maybe what advice I have for you can help you avoid or embrace some of the things you may face now or in the future. Seeing as how this have been a weirder than weird week for me, I feel now's a good time to get it out there. Here goes:

It's okay to go a little crazy. There was a time when I felt so overwhelmed, so trapped, so guilty, so angry, so sad, so devastated that I didn't know what to do other than keep it to myself. Keeping all of that in really only made things so much worse than I could have imagined. I started acting out in self-destructive ways that hurt not only me, but those close to me. That was a lot crazy. I didn't know that I was facing a pretty normal situation, because I never talked to anyone about what was happening. I was ashamed that I couldn't handle my own life or marriage. I'm here to tell you it's okay if you feel like you're losing your mind. It's normal. Just don't let it build until you self-destruct. Talk to someone. Anyone.

Take any advice with a grain of salt. During the most stressful times, I did talk to some people, but I seemed to only talk to those people who didn't necessarily have my best interest in mind. These people told me that I should leave my marriage, take a break, do what I want...basically everything that wasn't helpful. I was highly suggestible at the time, and I listened to what these people said to me, even if I didn't follow everything they said. It was enough that they filled me with doubt. The doubt caused more damage than I was aware. What I learned is that I need to talk to my friends, weigh their advice, but ultimately make my own decision. What I learned too late was that I needed to cut out those people who really didn't have my best interest at heart. My self-destructive side didn't need to pay attention to what was really just poison.

It's okay to cry. I tried so hard for so long not to cry about any of the things that were wrong in my life. By the time I couldn't hold it back any longer, I cried for months. I cried behind closed doors at work, I cried in my car on the way home, and I cried myself to sleep. It seemed like once I started, I couldn't stop. What I came to understand is that it doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human.

Don't give up. Fight. It's ugly, it's messy, and it hurts a lot, but don't just walk away from your troubles. Don't take the easy way out. I guarantee you that it's never the easy way out. It just seems like it at the time.

On the flip side, know when it's time to let go. It's okay to let go. Know when the time to fight is over. Not because it's convenient for you, but because it's healthier for everyone involved to just stop. It's not giving in or giving up. It's realizing that not everything works out the way you thought, and you just might be happier if you just let go. I still struggle with this. As I've said, I'm still a work in progress.

It's okay to love again and be loved. I never in a million years thought I would meet someone again who I could love and who would love me in return. I had sworn off men. I had no interest in forming any sort of relationship. In fact, all I saw in my future was moving from meaningless encounter to meaningless encounter, because I didn't feel like I was worth anything. Well, God must have understood that I was being a moron, because He sent me a wonderful guy who understands what it's like to have your heart broken. With him I found a slice of peace. It's not that I need to be in a relationship to be happy. What I needed was someone who understood everything I was feeling and had the patience enough to stick through it with me. Never think that it's hopeless. I guarantee you it's not hopeless. You don't have to be alone. Blessings come when you least expect them.

Do something just for you. Don't let yourself become so attached to another person that you forget who you are and you forget that you need something that is your own. Maybe that means you join a knitting club, take up yoga, join a kickball team, go to a martial arts class, learn a new style of cooking...whatever you've always wanted to do. Most importantly, don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself. You need it. you deserve it. It helps keep you sane and grounded.

Obviously, this only scratches the surface of what I've learned or experienced, but I think these are some of the most important take-aways for me. I try to keep in mind that everything I've gone through, even the mistakes I wish I could forget, have helped me to be a better person, a better partner, and a better friend. I hate it when people would tell me that "this too shall pass", because I never believed it would. But it does. Just hold on to a sliver of faith.